From Brassiere To Eternity

Happy Thursday, hardboiled motherfuckers! It's once again time to return to the scene of the crime and take a trip to the dark side, where your deepest desires become sins of the flesh, right here ... at That Killing Feeling.

In today's chapter from NOWHERE GIRLS, FBI agents Max Cargo and Sunday Sparks on hot on the trail of framed Homeland Security agents April Street and Cherry Nation, who are trying to hijack a Harley Davidson from a nasty biker ...


INT. MAX’S SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
Max drives slowly in the shoulder.

SUNDAY
They’re fucking GONE.

MAX
Don’t worry.
I saw them turn off at that entrance up ahead.

SUNDAY
Then why don’t you MOVE IT?

MAX
Uh, I’m waiting for a break in the traffic?
Call me madcap, but I don’t want to get hit head-on.

SUNDAY
Wise-ass.

MAX
You love it.

SUNDAY
Shut up.

MAX
You’re BLUSHING.

SUNDAY
No, I’m not. Fuck you.

MAX
Yes you are.
You’re fucking BLUSHING.
I love it.

SUNDAY
Shut the fuck up and drive the car --

He sees a break in the traffic. HITS the gas.
They ROAR into the road.

Max turns his head.
Looks at her. Smiles.

MAX
I’m sorry. Adrenaline. You know.

Pause.

SUNDAY
I’ve got this joke --
I tell people I sleep with a guy
every ten years to remind myself
how much I prefer women.

MAX
And?

SUNDAY
You do the math --

EXT. CUL DE SAC - AT THAT MOMENT
April fools with a pair of wires
on the steering column of the Harley.

They SPARK. The engine ROARS to life.
April jumps on. Cherry gets on behind her.

A shotgun KA-CHINKS behind them.

A POT-BELLIED NASTY BIKER
Stands on his porch. Aiming both barrels at them.

POT-BELLIED NASTY BIKER
What the FUCK do you CUNTS think you’re DOING?

Cherry FLIPS out her ID.
FLASHES it in his face.

CHERRY
Homeland Security.
We need to borrow your hog.
It’s a matter of national security.

POT-BELLIED NASTY BIKER
Wait a minute. I SEEN you before.

APRIL
It’s all lies. We’re innocent --

CHERRY
We were framed --

POT-BELLIED NASTY BIKER
Nah, not that shit on TV.
(points at Cherry)
You’re LA CIENEGA BOULEVARD, the PORN STAR.

CHERRY
I, uh -- retired from that.

POT-BELLIED NASTY BIKER
I KNOW. And ya broke my heart.
I got ALL your tapes.
' From Brassiere to Eternity'' --
(sighs)
You were THE BEST --

April and Cherry exchange glances.
Cherry gives her a wink.

CHERRY
Tell you what.
If I give you my autograph,
can we borrow your bike?
We PROMISE we’ll return it.
My kids have been kidnapped,
and we gotta go rescue them.

POT-BELLIED NASTY BIKER
Someone kidnapped yer KIDS?
I’ll help ya. Follow you in my truck.

Cherry looks at April. She shrugs.

APRIL
What the fuck. Sure.

CHERRY
You’re on.

APRIL
On second thought --

She PUNCHES him in the face, SMACK.
He goes down, THWUMP.
Out cold. They look at him.

APRIL
Sorry about that.

CHERRY
Hope my fan club doesn’t find out --