Thank Heaven For Little Girls

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Onto today's slice of hardboiled pulp, courtesy of NOWHERE GIRLS ...

In today's chapter, Homeland Security agents Cherry Nation and April Street successfully fend off gun-wielding intruders in the their home, but then get a phone call from a mysterious strangers telling them that he's kidnapped Cherry's kids, and the ransom involves their help with a terrorist attack at the White House ...


INT. CHERRY AND APRIL’S JOINT - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Cherry and April DUCK behind the couch. HIT the floor.

TALL FIGURE IN BLACK (O.C.)
Put hands up and SHOW YOURSELF.

Cherry reaches under the coffee table,
picks up an Uzi submachine gun.
Looks at April. Nods.

April reaches under her jacket.
Pulls out a SIG-Sauer Mosquito. Nods.

TALL FIGURE IN BLACK (O.C.)
Come out NOW, or your children will DIE.
Cherry and April exchange glances. What the -- ?

CHERRY
Fuck you, ASSHOLE.
They’re at a SLUMBER PARTY.

April points at Cherry.
Then to the left.
Holds up a finger.

Then at herself.
Holds up two.
Then points to the right.

Cherry nods. Got it.

APRIL
(mouths)
One, two, three -- GO.

Cherry crouches, then RUNS toward the left wall,
SPRAYING the intruders with machine gun fire.
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT.

THE INTRUDERS
Duck. Start returning fire.
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT.

APRIL
RACES to the opposite wall.
DUCKS behind the door to the kitchen.
Peers around the corner.

CHERRY
RACES through the doorway of the foyer, FIRING at them.
Disappears around the corner.
Catches her breath. Panting.

THE FIGURES
Stop firing.
Start slowly moving toward Cherry.

APRIL
Takes aim. Shoots Tall Figure in the head.
BANG. BANG. BANG.
It EXPLODES in a red mist.

SHORTER FIGURE
WHIRLS AROUND. Sees April.
SPRAYS her with submachine gun fire.
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT.

CHERRY
Takes aim at Shorter.
SPRAYS him with fire.
His head EXPLODES like a watermelon. POP.
Blood and brains SPLATTER the wall.

They lower their guns.
Look at each other.

CHERRY
(nods at the TV screen)
Life imitating art?

APRIL
(shrugs)
Never a dull moment --

Cherry’s cell phone RINGS.
She sighs. Pulls it out. Listens.

INTERCUT WITH:

EXT. SANTA MONICA - MAIN STREET - CAFE - NIGHT
An UGLY TURKISH THUG WEARING AN EYE PATCH
sits at a cafe table smoking a Gitanes. Speaks into his cell. Smiles.

UGLY TURKISH THUG WITH EYE PATCH
That wasn’t very smart thing to do, Ms. Nation.
I’d hate to see anything happen to little girls.

CHERRY
Little GIRLS? Who the fuck IS THIS?

UGLY TURKISH THUG WITH EYE PATCH
That is for me to know and you to shove up ass.
Now listen very carefully.
You need to do exactly what I say,
or we kill young Aura and Amber.

CHERRY
What? How do you know the names of my CHILDREN?

UGLY TURKISH THUG WITH EYE PATCH
Don’t worry. They are safe. For now.

CHERRY
But they’re at a -- slumber party.

UGLY TURKISH THUG WITH EYE PATCH
Yes, that was most unfortunate.
I hate collateral damage.
Is price of doing business.
(sings)
'Thank heaven, for little girls -- '

CHERRY
You fucking FREAK.
If you’ve touched a hair on their heads,
I’m going to hunt you down and KILL YOU.

UGLY TURKISH THUG WITH EYE PATCH
Shut the fuck up and LISTEN TO ME.
I’M calling shots here. Understand?

Pause.

CHERRY
What do you want, money?

UGLY TURKISH THUG WITH EYE PATCH
Stupid American. Always about money. No.
We want you to call President. Deliver message.

CHERRY
Y-you want me to call The White House?
What about?

UGLY TURKISH THUG WITH EYE PATCH
Suicide bomber crashed State Dinner
with enough enriched plutonium
to make Big Bang Theory look like Pee Wee’s Playhouse.
(off her GASP)
You and your sister are going to be our spokesperson,
make demands.

CHERRY
But if we do that,
we’ll be the most wanted women on the planet.

UGLY TURKISH THUG WITH EYE PATCH
I know.
(big smile)
Almost made me come in pants.