Never Leave Home Without It

Happy Friday, crime freaks! Are you ready to get your hardboiled-pulp groove on? Then come on over to the coolest joint in cyberspace, where the chicks are hot, the drinks are cold, and the action is smokin' ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's chapter from NOWHERE GIRLS, where the action gets kicked up a notch, when ...

Homeland Security agents April Street and Cherry Nation and black ops spook Bibi La Salle are chased by the Feds through their house at the start of a balls-out action sequence ...


INT. CHERRY AND APRIL’S JOINT - NIGHT
Cherry and April each wear large military backpacks.
Bibi stands by the front door.

BIBI
Come, LET’S GO.
They will be here any --

The DEAFENING ROAR of a helicopter
THUNDERS above them.
Cherry and April stare at each other.

CHERRY
Shit.

APRIL
Fuck.

EXT. CHERRY AND APRIL’S JOINT - ROOF - NIGHT
A black BLACK HAWK CHOPPER hovers over the house.
A dozen COMMANDOS fly down on ropes,
LAND on the roof like angry spiders on speed.
STOMPING in formation across the deck.

IN THE HOUSE
The girls look up. Hear the stomp of footsteps.

BIBI
Too late. They’re HERE.

APRIL
Yeah, but are they from the White House,
or Honey Almond?

CHERRY
Does it make any fucking DIFFERENCE?
C’mon, into the basement, NOW.

They RACE into --

THE KITCHEN
Cherry opens a door.
They DASH down the stairs into --

THE BASEMENT
Where they RACE to a metal door.

OUTSIDE THE HOUSE
The commandos FLY down the side of the house on ropes.
SWING BACK, SHOOT OUT the windows,
RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT,
and FLY into the house.

IN THE BASEMENT
April tries to open the door.

APRIL
Shit. Locked.

BIBI
Where does this go?

CHERRY
OUTSIDE.
(pats her pockets)
And I don’t have my keys.

APRIL
Neither do I.

CHERRY
Shit. Shit.

APRIL
Fuck. Fuck.

UPSTAIRS
Commandos RUN, STOMPING through the house,
weapons aimed. FLYING around corners,
going from room to room. Searching --

IN THE BASEMENT
Bibi pulls out a mini-Uzi. Raises it --

BIBI
Stand back.

APRIL
But that won’t --

And SPRAYS the lock with bullets.
They FLY OFF the door,
ricochet in a dozen directions.
The girls DUCK.

APRIL (CONT’D)
I tried to tell you. It’s bulletproof.
(beat)
I mean, we ARE spies.

BIBI
Is there any way else out of here?

CHERRY
NO.

UPSTAIRS
A pair of commandos STOMP into the kitchen.
A radio CHIRPS.

SHRILL COMMANDO (O.C.)
Upstairs is clear.
They must be down where you are. Over.

ANGRY COMMANDO
(into the radio)
Roger that.

The other, SHORTER COMMANDO
sees the door to the basement.

ANGRY COMMANDO (CONT'D)
They’re DOWNSTAIRS. C’MON!

IN THE BASEMENT
Bibi pulls a GRENADE out of her bag.
Holds it up. Smiles.

BIBI
Never leave home without it.

The door into the basement EXPLODES with gunfire.
The commandos CHARGE down the stairs.
Start FIRING blindly.

BIBI (CONT’D)
DUCK.

Cherry and April hit the floor.
Bibi pulls the pin,
and THROWS the grenade at the intruders.

BANG. The room SHAKES.
The staircase and the commandos
EXPLODE in massive fireball.

Bibi JUMPS out of the way.
Hides behind a chest of drawers.

The fireball WHOOSHES through the room,
straight at the door,
and BLOWS it off its hinges, BANG.

The doorway reveals a path down to the beach.
The ocean waves roll in the moonlight.
The intruders’ boat from the opening
of the story gently bobs in the water.

Cherry and April get up.
Grab their backpacks. Stare at Bibi.

APRIL
That was fucking awesome.

CHERRY
Remind me not to piss you off.