The Spy Who Helped Me

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters! You say you're feeling disgruntled? Mad as hell, and can't take it any more? Looking for a place to blow off some steam? Then you've come to the right place ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from our spy thriller NOWHERE GIRLS ...

Homeland Security agents April Street and Cherry Nation have been sucked into a plot to blow up the White House, and Cherry's kids have been kidnapped ... but then mysterious French agent Bibi La Salle shows up on the scene to lend a hand ...


INT. CHERRY’S JOINT - NIGHT
April sits on the couch, head in her hands.
Cherry paces back and forth talking on her cell.
FURIOUS.

CHERRY
We’re not gonna do SQUAT
until I can speak to the girls.
I need to know they’re alive.

INTERCUT WITH:

EXT. SANTA MONICA CAFE - CONTINUOUS
Oleg smiles silkily. Pulls a tape recorder out of his pocket.

OLEG
As you wish.

He CLICKS it on.
Holds it up to the phone.

AMBER (O.C.)
(electronic)
Mommy? Where are you?
These bad men killed all our friends --
(mumbling in the background)
Don’t worry, we’re okay.
We’re at this nice lady’s house watching cartoons.
Please come get us, Mommy. We’re scared --

Oleg CLICKS it off.

OLEG
Satisfied?

CHERRY
I swear to god if anything happens to them
I’m gonna hunt you down and KILL YOU.

OLEG
Shut and listen to me.
I am calling shots here.
Now get pen, and write down what I tell you --

CHERRY
Okay, okay.
Don’t get your tighty-whities in a bind.
Go ahead.

A FEMALE FIGURE IN BLACK appears behind him.
Raises a Glock with a silencer.
Aims it at the back of his head.
SHOOTS. THWIP.

Oleg falls face-down in his chai soy latte, CRACK.

CHERRY
Hello? I’m ready --
(listens)
Hello?

The Figure GRABS his phone.
Hustles off down the sidewalk.

FEMALE FIGURE IN BLACK
(French accent)
Hello, are you still there?

CHERRY
(cups the phone, to April)
Now it’s some chick --
(in the phone)
I’m here. Who are YOU?

Female Figure stops.
Ducks under an awning.
Lights up a red Sherman’s.
EXHALES a cloud of smoke.

FEMALE FIGURE IN BLACK
Listen to me carefully.
I am friend, and I’m going to help you.

Meet BIBI LA SALLE (30’s), French ex-pat.
Tall and lean. Blonde hair in a tight chignon.
Chic in a Chanel miniskirted suit
and thigh-high black vinyl boots.
So hot it hurts.

And, one of Honey’s former ops.

CHERRY
A friend? Who are you?
Can you help me get my kids back?
(realizes)
What about the guy I was talking to?

BIBI
I killed him. Listen to me.
We will get your children.
But first we have to deal with
ze situation at ze White House.

CHERRY
No shit. Hold on a sec.
I’m gonna transfer this to speakerphone,
so my sister can hear.

BIBI
As you wish, but hurry.
Time flies when you’re holding
the leader of the free world hostage.

Cherry PUSHES a series of buttons on her cell.
A light FLASHES on the speakerphone.

CHERRY
Can you hear me?

BIBI
Oui.

CHERRY
So tell us what the fuck’s going on.

BIBI
Have you heard of Honey Almond?

April and Cherry exchange glances.
Shake their heads ‘no.’

APRIL
No. She related to Cadbury?

BIBI
Very funny, Miss Street.
She is head of NSA black ops unit.
But she is rogue.
Her group makes deals with terrorists
for clandestine services, takes their money,
and then eliminates them.
Quick. Efficient. And quite profitable.

CHERRY
So what does that have to do with us?

BIBI
I don’t know yet.
When I found out about ze op at the White House,
and that they were setting you two up to take ze fall, I quit.
That was ze last straw.
You two are legends in ze intelligence community.
(shakes her head in disgust)
It’s personal, and I don’t play that way.
I signed up to protect our nation,
not take money from terrorists
and disgrace our own agents.

APRIL
So you’re gonna help us?

BIBI
I have to. I’m now marked, too.
People don’t quit Honey, she fires them.
Literally. But enough chit-chat.
You need to call the President, right now --

CHERRY
Okay, okay -- but what’s your name?

BIBI
Bibi La Salle. At your service.
(beat)
The spy who helped you --