To Protect And Swerve

Happy Hump Day, crime humpsters. Lookin' to get your hardboiled-pulp rocks off? Feeling a little violent? Then you've come to the right place, where the chicks are hot, and the action hotter ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's rip-roaring joint from LITTLE GIRL BLUE ...

It's Christmas Eve at private eye Carrie Love's mother's house in Beverly Hills. A freak snowstorm has just started, and the place is surrounded by white slave trafficker Tolly Chill and his goons. They're trying to break to get would-be stripper/college coed Blue Wonder ... but Carrie, Blue, her ex-partner/ex husband Bernie Keko, and Carrie's family are loading their weapons ... and getting ready to fight back ...

EXT. BEVERLY HILLS MANSION - BACK YARD - NIGHT

Aldo and Mick walk over to Tolly and Porkpie. Freezing cold.

ALDO

Power’s out.

MICK

So’s the phone.

TOLLY

Good work.

PORKPIE

I’m freezing my nuts off, boss.

TOLLY

You think I’M having fun, chuckle-head?

(looks around)

There’s a pool house over there.

Porkpie and I will go and look around

for stuff we can use to get in.

You two go check the garage,

see if there’s a ladder or something.

PORKPIE

Let’s do it.

TOLLY

Meet back here in five minutes. Got it?

They all nod. Cold. Miserable.

TOLLY (CONT'D)

Hey, cheer up. It’s fucking CHRISTMAS.

INT. MARGO’S MANSION - STUDY - AT THAT MOMENT

Carrie hands a rifle to Eva. The other to Blue.

CARRIE

You two take these.

They’re easy to shoot.

Just remember to hold it against your shoulder,

it’s got a kick.

Eva and Blue nod.

EVA

I was a marksman in college.

Won the blue ribbon in Berlin Technical Institute.

CARRIE

Excellent.

BLUE

I used to play Charlie’s Angels with my sister.

CARRIE

Good enough.

(to Bernie)

Why don’t you give the Baretta to Seth.

BERNIE

Okay.

(shows him)

This is an automatic weapon.

Has nine rounds in the clip, one in the chamber.

It has safety --

(slides it)

See?

(slides it back)

It’s off now, so you can’t hurt anyone.

Any shit goes down, slide it back like I just showed you.

Got it?

SETH

(takes it)

Got it.

BERNIE

I don’t have an extra clip for it,

cause it’s my back-up piece.

So use your bullets wisely.

Everyone looks around.

The reality of this is sinking in.

CARRIE

Okay, Bernie and I will patrol upstairs.

The rest of you stay here and sit tight.

SETH

Let me come with you.

EVA

No, you stay here, protect your mother

and the young lady. I go patrol with them.

(raises the rifle, takes aim)

I can hit a moving target at one hundred yards.

BERNIE

She’s got a point.

CARRIE

Okay. Let’s do it.

EXT. NEARBY SIDE STREET - AT THAT MOMENT

A PRIVATE SECURITY VEHICLE stops in front of

a giant wall of shrubbery hiding a large estate.

INT. PRIVATE SECURITY VEHICLE - CONTINUOUS

Private security guard TIP SNELLING (50) takes a sip from a flask.

Short and squat. Red-nosed. Grey-haired. No family.

An ordinary Joe drinking his life away in a safe, dull job.

TIP

Merry Christmas, you rich bastards.

(toasts)

To protect and --

(drinks)

Fuck yourself.

He picks up his walkie talkie.

CLICKS it on.

TIP (CONT’D)

(into the walkie)

Command to base. You read me?

BORED FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)

Base here. What’s up, Tip?

TIP

Not a hell of a lot. Quiet.

BORED FEMALE VOICE

Of course it’s fucking quiet. It’s Christmas.

TIP

You gonna go see family tonight?

BORED FEMALE VOICE

Yeah. Leaving in about fifteen minutes.

How about you?

TIP

Nah. Need the overtime.

BORED FEMALE VOICE

Well, stay warm.

Radio said this freak storm

is gonna get worse before it gets better.

TIP

Roger and out. Have a holly jolly.

He clicks off the walkie.

Takes another sip from his flask.

Closes his eyes

TIP

Best time of the year, my ass.