Reach Out And Fuck Someone

Happy Tuesday, crime hipsters. Are you ready for another heaping helping of hardboiled pulp, served by naughty, empowered vixens with guns? Ready for another slice of noir, served cold? Then get your asses over to the hippest joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from LITTLE GIRL BLUE, where our heroes are putting their wagons in a circle ...

See, private eye Carrie Love, along with would-be stripper/college coed Blue Wonder are holed up in Carrie's mother's house with her family, while white slave trafficker Tolly Chill and his goons are trying to break in ... so they're loading their guns, and getting ready to fight back ...

EXT. BEVERLY HILLS MANSION - FRONT STOOP - NIGHT

Tolly turns to Porkpie. Shivering in the cold.

TOLLY

They must be onto us.

(to Aldo and Mick)

Go find the phone box. Disable it.

Then get the fusebox. Hurry.

They nod. RACE OFF.

Porkpie pulls a high-tech device out of his pocket.

Looks like a remote.

TOLLY (CONT’D)

What the fuck is THAT?

PORKPIE

Cell phone scrambler.

Got it from that Mossad agent we whacked.

Thought it might come in handy.

TOLLY

Fucking genius.

Porkpie PRESSES a series of buttons.

PORKPIE

Reach out and FUCK someone.

IN THE HOUSE

Seth walks into the rec room.

Punches a number on his cell phone. Listens.

SETH

What the hell?

He walks over to a panel near the light switch.

FLICKS ON a series of buttons.

Enters a code.

Goes to a gun rack.

Grabs a pair of RIFLES.

Grabs a couple boxes of ammo.

DASHES off.

OUTSIDE THE HOUSE

A series of METAL SHUTTERS CLAMP down

over the first floor windows, one by one,

CLANK. CLANK. CLANK. CLANK. CLANK.

Tolly and Porkpie watch.

TOLLY

SHIT. God-DAMMIT.

PORKPIE

I’ll go make sure they kill the power.

He RUNS off.

INT. STUDY - AT THAT MOMENT

Carrie stands in the doorway.

CARRIE

Everybody, I’ve got something I need to tell you.

BLUE

Hey. He got the cuff off.

CARRIE

That’s -- great.

BERNIE

(reads her expression)

What’s wrong?

CARRIE

I need everyone to remain calm --

MARGO

What the FUCK is going on, Carrie?

Pause.

CARRIE

The people that were following us --

(beat)

Are outside.

And they’re trying to get in.

MARGO

How DARE you bring CRIMINALS to my HOME.

What were you THINKING?

CARRIE

SETH called me, said you had a STROKE.

I was THINKING of making sure my MOTHER was OKAY.

The power GOES OUT.

Seth rushes in, holding the rifles.

SETH

Not to worry,

emergency generator should kick in right away.

LAYLA

(crosses herself)

Dear Jesus, Mother Mary of God --

The lights COME BACK ON.

BERNIE

(to Carrie)

You just HAD to drag me out of the house.

CARRIE

Look, I realize you’re upset.

But if we all remain calm,

everything will be alright.

Seth goes to the phone on the desk.

Picks up the receiver.

SETH

The phone’s dead.

(looks at Carrie)

And my cell isn’t working.

Carrie whips out hers.

Punches a number. Listens.

CARRIE

Bastard’s have a scrambler. SHIT.

BLUE

I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault.

If I hadn’t asked you to help me --

CARRIE

Enough of that.

What’s done is done.

Everybody just relax.

There’s only four of them, and six of us.

(looks at Seth)

We’ve got two rifles --

(pulls out her Glock)

And I’ve got this.

Bernie pulls out his service revolver.

Then another piece from his ankle holster.

BERNIE

And I’ve got these.

CARRIE

Great. So that’s -- five guns.

Margo looks at Carrie. Quizzical.

She’s never seen this side of her daughter.

MARGO

Someone get me my handbag.

Seth does. Hands it to her.

Margo pulls out a STUN GUN.

MARGO (CONT’D)

And I’ve got 5000 volts of

'don’t mess with me, motherfucker.'

CARRIE

I’m not even gonna ask.