Somebody Kill Me Now

Happy holidaze, crime slicksters. Looking for an alternative to all the good cheer and glad tidings? Feeling like mowing down all those 'smart shoppers' at the mall? Then you've come to the right place, where good girls go bad, and bad boys get lucky ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from LITTLE GIRL BLUE, where we start to race toward the exciting conclusion of this violent, bloody holiday tale of one one family's horrific yule tide.

When we last left private eye Carrie Love, she and her family and friends were defending themselves against a brutal home invasion on Christmas Eve. They've now escaped into secret underground tunnels beneath their Beverly Hills home ... and Carrie and her ex share a 'tender' moment ...

INT. PRIVATE SECURITY VEHICLE - NIGHT

Tip smiles. Takes a hit of his flask. Toasts.

TIP

I’m gonna be a hero.

He reaches for his walkie talkie. Then sees something.

TIP (CONT’D)

Oh, shit -- I better warn them.

INT. MARGO’S MANSION - MAIN CORRIDOR - AT THAT MOMENT

Tolly and Mick walk through the house, checking each room.

TOLLY

(on the walkie)

Look, they’re hiding, okay?

We’ll find ‘em. It’s a big fucking house.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. GERO’S LIMO - MOVING - CONTINUOUS

Gero curses under his breath.

GERO

Well, then why don’t one of you two Einsteins

COME OUTSIDE and LOOK for us?

(looks out the window)

There’s no one else around here.

TOLLY

In the fucking snow?

Just look for our car. It’s in the driveway.

DRIVER

Sir, there’s a private patrol car outside.

What should I do? You want me to whack ‘em?

GERO

(on the walkie)

I’ll call you back.

(to the driver)

See what he wants.

Tell ‘em we’re from out of town, and we’re lost.

The driver rolls down his window. Tip pokes his head in.

TIP

Good evening. Just wanted to warn you.

There’s a bunch of criminals in the neighborhood.

Home invasion. And there’s more on the way.

You live around here?

Gero leans forward. Aims a gun at his head.

GERO

Thanks for the update, sport. Now get in.

The back door opens. Strange-Looking Goon beckons him in.

STRANGE-LOOKING GOON

Come on in, we got egg nog.

INT. BASEMENT - AT THAT MOMENT

Carrie looks at a door at the end of the bar.

CARRIE

Where does this go?

MARGO

Into the regular basement.

But you can’t see it from the other side.

CARRIE

Gotcha. And the tunnels?

MARGO

Go to the fireplace.

Pull on the first poker on the left.

Carrie walks over.

Grabs the poker, pulls it like a lever.

The fireplace SLIDES TO THE LEFT,

revealing a pair of tunnels that split off at forty-five degree angles.

CARRIE

Holy shit.

MARGO

Hey, if it was good enough for Capone.

CARRIE

Where do they go?

MARGO

God, I can’t remember -- it’s been so long.

I think one goes to the pool house,

and the other to the back end of the property --

(beat)

I think.

BERNIE

Are they safe?

MARGO

Hell if I know. I’ve never gone in them.

CARRIE

I say we break up into two groups and check them out.

(to Bernie)

Bernie and I will check out the one on the left,

and Seth and Blue can check out the one on the right.

Sound like a plan?

BERNIE

Can’t wait.

SETH

(looks at Blue)

Fine with me.

BLUE

(looks at Seth)

Yeah.

EVA

What about me?

CARRIE

You stay and protect Margo.

EVA

Okay --

MARGO

Somebody kill me now, because I’m already in hell.

EXT. GERO’S LIMO - NIGHT

Tip sits between Strange-Looking and Ugly, Muscled in the back seat.

Strange has a gun on him.

TIP

I’m not telling you.

Strange CRACKS him on the head with the gun.

TIP (CONT’D)

OW!

STRANGE-LOOKING GOON

So you wanna PLAY, huh?

Alright, let’s play. WHAT’S THE ADDRESS?

He WHACKS him again.

TIP

1600 Sunset Boulevard!

Please don’t HIT ME again!

STRANGE-LOOKING GOON

See? That wasn’t so hard.

And I don’t have to hit you no more.

Gero picks up the walkie. Speaks into it.

GERO

Tolly, you there?

TOLLY (O.C.)

Yeah, pop. What’s up?

GERO

We got the address, found ourselves a rent-a-cop.

Got him in the car, for insurance.

TOLLY (O.C.)

Nice. Hurry on over.

Come in the front door, it’s open.

INT. BASEMENT - STAIRS - CONTINUOUS

Tolly’s at the top of the stairs with Mick.

TOLLY

(on his walkie)

We’ll be down in the basement.

Think we got ‘em trapped down there.

IN THE LIMO

Gero turns to Strange-Looking.

GERO

Fish, you put on Bozo’s uniform and drive his car.

Put him in the trunk. This way we’ve got someone

on the outside to watch out for us.

TIP

Hey, wait a minute --

Ugly, Muscled PUNCHES Tip in the face, CRUNCH.

He goes out.

FISH

(to Ugly)

Thanks, Mad Dog.

MAD DOG

Don’t mention it. Tis the season.

IN THE BASEMENT

Tolly puts the walkie in his pocket. Starts down the steps.

TOLLY

They’re on their way. C’mon, let’s check it out.

INT. TUNNEL - CONTINUOUS

Carrie and Bernie walk down the corridor.

Wood panelling. Linoleum tiles.

They both wave flashlights.

CARRIE

Check out the craftsmanship, must of cost a fortune.

BERNIE

So listen, can I -- ask you something?

CARRIE

Sure.

BERNIE

I guess cause it’s Christmas, you know --

gets a guy thinking --

(beat)

Now that you’ve stopped drinking,

I was wondering if you’d like to --

have coffee or something?

CARRIE

I’m sorry, Bernie. It was over A LONG time ago.

BERNIE

We had a lot of fun, though --

CARRIE

Oh, yeah. A lot of fun. Too much fun.

(beat)

We’ll always be friends. You know that.

BERNIE

Friends that call you on Christmas Eve and ask for help?

CARRIE

Something like that.

Pause.

BERNIE

So are you still into girls, or was that because you were --

CARRIE

Drunk most of the time?

(off his look)

I’m still into girls.

But now I’m just a little more -- picky.

(smiles)

But I still like guys.

BERNIE

Not too confusing.

CARRIE

Welcome to my life.