Your Vice Is My Command

Happy Thurdsay, noir freaks. Ready to take a trip to a place so dark with hardboiled pulp that it'll make your hair stand on end? Then belly up to the crime scene ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from LEGS, where things are about to explode ...

Lipstick lesbian private eye Carrie Love, along with her ex-husband, homicide dick Bernie Keko arrive at the estate of demented snuff filmmaker Klaus Speer to question him ... but don't realize that they're walking right into a trap ...

EXT. MAIN HOUSE - FRONT PORCH - NIGHT

Carrie and Keko in the doorway.

She opens her bomber jacket.

Adjusts the Glock in her belt. Keko rings the bell.

CAMERA pulls back to reveal --

A video camera above them, red light blinking.

CARRIE

That gold Jaguar is hers.

KEKO

Let me do the talking.

You're too emotionally involved.

CARRIE

What if he recognizes me?

It'll look suspicious if I don't --

The door opens. It’s Klaus.

No sign of recognition.

KLAUS

Good evening.

How may I help you?

Did you get lost?

These hills can be very tricky.

KEKO

Are you Klaus Speer?

KLAUS

Last time I looked, yes.

KEKO

I'm detective Keko, Santa Monica homicide.

(flashes badge, indicates Carrie)

This is my partner, Detective Love.

We'd like to ask you a few routine questions.

Can we come in and talk to you for a few minutes?

KLAUS

Of course, please, come in.

Anything to assist law enforcement.

I believe in good citizenship.

ON A VIDEO MONITOR

in black and white, Carrie and Keko stand in the foyer.

JOREL (O.C.)

It's the chick-dick and the cop.

SAMMS (O.C.)

Two dicks for the price of one.

Weapons CLICK-CLICK. CLICK-CLICK.

INT. KLAUS' LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Museum furniture. Sexual art, photography everywhere.

A view of the city below. Carrie looks out the window.

KEKO

Nice -- place you got here.

KLAUS

It stirs the creative juices.

Please, have a seat,

make yourselves comfortable.

Can I get you something?

Coffee, tea, a glass of wine perhaps?

KEKO

I'd love a glass of water, thanks.

CARRIE

I'd love a glass of wine. Please.

Klaus raises an eyebrow. Keko glares at Carrie.

KLAUS

A woman after my own taste. White or red?

CARRIE

White, please. Thank you.

KLAUS

(as he leaves)

Your vice is my command.

KEKO

A glass of wine, Carrie?

What the fuck do you think you're --

CARRIE

Bernie, chill. I'm just buying us a little time.

A cork POPS in the next room.

INT. KLAUS’ KITCHEN - CONTINUOUS

Klaus pours wine. Talks on his hands-free cell.

SPLIT SCREEN WITH:

INT. PRODUCTION STUDIO - CONTINUOUS

Felina wears a headset. Fixes her face. Fresh red lips.

FELINA

But what about my fiery love scene --

the Joan of Arc thing?

KLAUS

There's been a change of plan.

A new storyboard.

We're gonna do JOHN of Arc instead.

FELINA

The cop?

KLAUS

We have to. He knows something.

FELINA

But what about my screen kiss? You promised.

KLAUS

Of course, of course.

You come down first, play with your little mouse.

Have her say cheese for the camera.

FELINA

Meowww.

KLAUS

Tell the boys to make their entrance in five minutes.

(beat)

We've made a better mousetrap.