Die, Cheerleader

Ah, Sunday. A day of rest. But not for this hard-drinking, chain-smoking, hardboiled crime slut. No-siree. I toil day and night, scouring the underworld for the most despicable, most depraved action for you, my dear readers ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's steaming slab of ultra-violent pulp. In today's joint from LEGS, private eye Carrie Love and homicide dick Bernie Keko fall in the clutches of demented snuff filmmaker Klaus Speer and his trusty sidekick, Felina Bella Donna, the 'dominatrix to the stars.'

INT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION - LIVING ROOM - DUSK

Klaus and Keko sit across from each other sipping wine.

KLAUS

Laura Lang, yes, I used her in a music video.

The Genitorturers, I think.

(thinks)

No. It was Die Cheerleader. "Splatter."

(chuckles)

That was a good one.

KEKO

Can you remember when you last saw her?

KLAUS

Last I heard she went back to London.

She had a little problem getting off the horsie.

Keko is puzzled. Klaus pantomimes shooting a syringe.

Felina arrives with Carrie. Arms around her prize.

FELINA

Klaus, darling, look what I found.

(licks Carrie’s neck)

Mmmm, kibbles and bits, kibbles and bits.

KEKO

Carrie, what the fuck is going on?

CARRIE

Bernie -- I, ah --

KLAUS

It would appear that she's stumbled

into the arms of one the villains.

Felina cackles. Keko reaches for his gun.

SAMMS (O.C.)

OFFICER! Put your HANDS IN THE AIR!

You're UNDER ARREST!

SAMMS

brandishes a pair of Uzis. Jorel, a steadicam.

SAMMS

C'mon, motherfucker. Gimmee a reason.

Keko raises his hands.

KEKO

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.

What is this, Halloween?

FELINA

(SNAPS handcuffs on Carrie)

I've got the broad.

CARRIE

Hey!

KLAUS

Gentlemen, I'm so glad you could join us.

(beat)

I always get so excited

on the first day of principal photography.

KEKO

We know all about your little home movies, Speer.

Back up is on the way. You’ll never get away with this.

KLAUS

Mr. Samms, show him what the director thinks of TALENT.

Samms FIRES a round into Keko's thigh, BANG.

Keko falls to the floor. YELPS in pain.

Presses his hands on the wound.

KEKO

You fucking SHOT me!

KLAUS

Get his weapon. And the one in his boot.

Samms takes the guns. Jorel comes in for a tight shot.

KLAUS (CONT'D)

(to Felina)

And how is your sex object?

Felina reaches in Carrie's jacket. Grabs her Glock.

FELINA

Disarmed.

(beat)

And completely disarming.