I Love The Smell Of Estrogen In The Morning

Happy Friday, crime sluts. Are you ready for a big, steaming slab of hot and cold running hardboiled pulp? Ready to rock the fucking Casbah? Then get your boot-heels over to the coolest joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from LEGS, where the hunters are now the prey ... when private eye Carrie Love and homicide dick Bernie Keko fall into the clutches of demented snuff filmmaker Klaus Speer and 'dominatrix to the stars' Felina Bella Donna ...

INT. KLAUS' LIVING ROOM - NIGHT

Carrie and Bernie check out the luxe digs.

KEKO

I wonder what the mortgage is on this place.

Carrie stares at a Helmut Newton --

an Amazon astride a naked model on all fours wearing a saddle.

CARRIE

Now that’s what I call riding Western.

KEKO

I prefer riding bareback.

(loud whisper)

There's a camera on us. Keep smiling.

CARRIE

(quietly)

Where is it?

(loud)

I never knew putting your feet in the stirrups

could look like so much fun.

KEKO

(whisper)

Above the doorway.

(loud)

She must be really feeling her oats.

CARRIE

(loud)

I forgot how funny you were.

(whisper)

I'm gonna go powder my nose.

I'll be back in five.

ON A VIDEO MONITOR

in black and white.

Carrie slowly moves through the foyer.

EXT. KLAUS' GARAGE - CONTINUOUS

Felina's boots tap-tap-tap down the spiral staircase.

Black vinyl glistens in the moonlight.

INT. KLAUS' LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Klaus delivers the wine on a tray. Elegantly demented.

KLAUS

I thought perhaps you might change your mind.

It is, after all, the cocktail hour.

He looks around, sees Carrie's gone.

KEKO

(bad fake laugh)

She had to use the ladies’ room.

Takes forever. You know women.

KLAUS

(weird smile)

All too well.

She’s probably fascinated with the bidet.

KEKO

(takes glass of wine)

What the fuck. I'm almost off duty.

IN THE FOYER

Carrie walks into a darkened doorway.

INT. EXERCISE ROOM - CONTINUOUS

She gropes around in the dim light,

bumps into a Stairmaster.

A sultry voice purrs nearby.

VOICE (O.C.)

Hey there, sexy -- feel like a little cardio?

CARRIE

(jumps, startled)

FUCK.

The lights SNAP ON. It's Felina.

FELINA

Did my little kittie get lost

on her way back from the litter box?

CARRIE

Jesus Christ, you scared the shit out of me.

Pause.

FELINA

Feels good, doesn't it.

EXT. POOL - PATIO - AT THAT MOMENT

Samms and Jorel march on the flagstones in military fatigues.

Faces blackened. Armed to the gills.

SAMMS

I love the smell of estrogen in the morning.

Smells like victory.

JOREL

Stop it, you're making me homesick.

My father loves Bobby Duvall.

INT. EXERCISE ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Felina strokes Carrie's cheek. Inflamed. Transfixed.

FELINA

I've missed you. You haven't called me.

(beat)

The milk went sour.

She kisses Carrie deeply.

Pulls away. Surveys the damage.

CARRIE

(heart pounding)

I've been -- working.

FELINA

(takes her hand)

Well, you know what they say.

She softly kisses it. Carrie trembles.

CARRIE

Wh-what do they say?

FELINA

All work and no play makes Jill a very horny girl.