Take Me To My Double-Banger

Happy Friday, crime slicksters. Are you ready for the weak-end? Ready for a little slap and tickle? Depraved dungeon games? Then you've come to the right place, where the perversion is hot, the chicks are cold ... and you'll get goosebumps from That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from LEGS, and this one's a real kinky motherfucker.

First up, demented snuff filmmaker Klaus Speer takes a little visit to the dungeon of 'dominatrix to the stars' Felina Bella Donna ...

While private eye Carrie Love and her ex/patrolwoman Megan Paul go to Club Fuck to sniff out some clues, 'under cover' in latex ...

INT. FELINA'S LOFT - DUNGEON - DAY

A state-of-the-art-directed dungeon.

Felina SNAPS on a rubber glove.

Marches over to KENDRICK (30), preppy-blonde,

tied to the wall, whimpering.

Humiliated, wearing a maid’s uniform.

FELINA

Stop crying, you disgusting little faggot piece of shit.

(beat)

I'd hate to see you miss that big board meeting this afternoon.

You don't want the boys at the FIST National Bank

to know what you do on your lunch hour, do you?

KENDRICK

No, Mistress -- I mean, yes, Mistress.

She CRACKS him in the nuts with her riding crop.

KENDRICK (CONT'D)

Uh!

(beat)

Thank you, mistress.

FELINA

You should be thrilled.

I've never checked your prostate.

Felina lubricates the glove.

The doorbell RINGS.

FELINA (CONT'D)

Hold that thought. I'll be right back.

She marches off, arm aloft like a doctor going to the OR.

INT. PLAYROOM - DAY

A little girl's playroom. Lots of lace, ruffles, toys.

Three adult MEN (40’s) sit on the floor

dressed as Catholic school girls, busily coloring with crayons.

Felina stomps into the room.

FELINA

Have my little girls colored some pretty pictures for their mistress?

The "girls" run up to her excitedly, show their drawings.

MALE LITTLE GIRL 1

Look, Mistress -- I did a bunny!

MALE LITTLE GIRL 2

Look at mine, I did a choo-choo train!

MALE LITTLE GIRL 3

Me, me -- look! I did Barney!

FELINA

(examining them)

Very nice. Very nice.

And you stayed within the lines.

Another RING at the door.

FELINA (CONT'D)

Straighten up your room now.

After I finish punishing your daddy,

we'll have milk and cookies.

INT. FOYER - FRONT DOOR - CONTINUOUS

Felina peers through the peep hole. A wicked grin.

INT. DOORWAY - CONTINUOUS

It's Klaus. He bows, very elegant.

FELINA

Klaus, darling.

KLAUS

Felina. You look delicious as usual.

He takes her gloved hand and kisses it.

KLAUS (CONT'D)

Mmm, Astro-Glide.

(beat)

My favorite.

FELINA

(coquettish)

Oh, Klaus. You embarrass me.

KLAUS

Are you ready for your big screen debut?

FELINA

Darling. Take me to my double-banger.

EXT. CLUB FUCK - NIGHT

A shitty concrete bunker. The marquee reads "CluB FUcK."

Nasty industrial music bleeds outside from within.

Carrie and Megan stand in line with a motley, kinky mob of male, female --

and everything in between -- CLUB KIDS.

They barely wear latex dresses, tons of make-up. They blend.

MEGAN

You're right, I'm nice and warm.

I thought I was gonna freeze my tits off.

CARRIE

That's the nice thing about latex.

Just wait until you’re hot and damp.

Megan looks around, then at the doorway.

MEGAN

Holy shit, that’s Marilyn Manson.

CARRIE

Yeah.

(beat)

Jesus, that's a real catheter.

MARILYN

sees Carrie. Big smile.

MARILYN

Hey, Carrie.

CARRIE

gives a little “pageant wave.”

CARRIE

Marilyn -- hey.

MARILYN

(winks, holds up glass vial)

See you in the playroom.

He goes inside. Megan’s jaw drops.

CARRIE

Don’t ask.

Ziva sits behind the velvet rope, guarding the portal.

ZIVA

It's ten dollars.

MEGAN

(slips her some cash)

For both of us.

ZIVA

(sees Carrie)

Hey, Legs, how ya doin? Where's the goddess?

CARRIE

(freezes)

Hey, Ziva -- she, uh -- she --

MEGAN

(grabs arm, pulls her)

C'mon, pussycat. We got work to do.

INT. CLUB FUCK - CONTINUOUS

Deliciously naughty club music, VERY LOUD.

A seedy, cozy, dark, dank den of depravity.

Monitors and screens show porn loops, cartoons, psychedelic images.

The dance floor, a joyous, sweaty mess of beauty, perversity.

Carrie and Megan scope out the scene at the bar.

CARRIE

(to the bartender)

Can I get a Cadillac Margarita?

(to Megan)

Whatcha want, doll? It's on me.

MEGAN

Cheap champagne, please.

I’m feelin’ kinda sleazy all of a sudden.

CARRIE

That's my little peace officer.

(to the bartender)

And a split of champagne please.

Carrie squeezes Megan's ass, laughs huskily.

MEGAN

Hey, hands off the merchandise.

Just 'cause we're in Rome doesn't mean --

CARRIE

Come on, babe, go with flow. We're undercover.