What Doesn't Kill You

You're sitting there, staring at your computer ... and looking for something cool. Or maybe something hot. You're looking for a little action. Some hardboiled, noir-pulp excitement. Well, you've come to the right place, crime scenesters ... when you've got That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's rip-roaring episode of HIT & RUN HOLIDAY ...

First up, unemployed screenwriter/car thief Friday Foster continues on her mad rampage of revenge at the think tank she worked at ...

But first we flashback to see just HOW horrible that job was ...

And then we return to the scene of the crime, where Friday prepares for battle ...

INT. THE LAMBERT INSTITUTE - CORRIDOR - DAY

Sunny leads Friday down a plush corridor. Diffused light.

SUNNY

Well, I gotta say, I admire your courage.

FRIDAY

My courage?

SUNNY

Sure. After quitting like that?

INT. LAMBERT INSTITUTE - WORK STATION - FLASHBACK - DAY

Friday sits in an assistant’s work area. Harried.

Almost unrecognizable in a suit.

Papers piled everywhere.

She gulps coffee.

The phone RINGS.

She PUNCHES a button.

FRIDAY

Dann Israel’s office.

(listens)

Blachmed Vpni? Can you spell that?

(listens)

Hold, please.

Another line RINGS.

FRIDAY (CONT’D)

Dann Israel’s office.

(impatient)

Oaxa Stanislopopobottomus?

Would you please spell that?

Over the intercom --

ACCENTED MALE VOICE (O.C.)

Friday? Who is that on one?

FRIDAY

Uh, Blachmed --

A fourth line RINGS.

FRIDAY (CONT’D)

Hold on a sec --

(pissy)

Dann Israel's office --

(listens)

Helmut Fvohngenhoftner?

She does a take. What?

Erupts into MAD LAUGHTER.

ACCENTED MALE VOICE (O.C.)

Friday. WHO is on the phone!

FRIDAY

There’s an Arab name Blachmed on one,

‘Oaxa the Greek’ on two,

and a German, Helmut Farfegnugen on three.

ACCENTED MALE VOICE (O.C.)

Which Blachmed? I know three --

Another line RINGS.

FRIDAY

And if they walked into a bar,

I could use it in my stand-up routine.

(answers)

Dann Israel’s office.

(listens)

I’ll be right down.

(over her shoulder)

Your lunch is here, Dann.

DANN (O.C.)

Well, then, go get it.

And when you get back,

we need to go over the schedule grid for the global conference.

We still have twenty-four meetings to set up.

Friday stands. Unhooks her headset. THROWS it down.

FRIDAY

(brightly)

Can’t wait.

IN THE LOBBY

she walks up to the guard desk.

Standing next to it is an EAGER VEGAN CHEF.

Holds a stainless steel food container.

FRIDAY (CONT'D)

Autumn. Nice to see you.

AUTUMN

Friday. Greetings.

(gestures)

We have steamed cale in a wheat grass reduction,

lentils in a brisk tofu stir, and a brussels sprout compote.

BULKY GUARD

Mmmmm. Yummy.

FRIDAY

Took the words out of my mouth.

And the puke.

She turns on her heel.

Marches toward the entrance.

AUTUMN

Where are you going?

What about Mr. Israel’s lunch?

FRIDAY

(stops, turns)

The fuck OUT of this hell-hole.

And you can tell Mr. Pulitzer Prize

he can get his OWN fucking lunch.

(beat)

Brisk tofu stir?

INT. LAMBERT INSTITUTE - CORRIDOR - IN REAL TIME

The women turn a corner into an area with offices along one wall.

Big glass windows.

Two ASSISTANTS look up.

FRIDAY

You know what they say,

what doesn’t kill you --

makes you even more fucked up.

(sees the assistants)

Beverly, Fran -- how’s it shakin’?

They squeeze all the blood from your stones yet?

BEVERLY, (60’s), surgically altered in Chanel,

red collagen lips in a permanent grimace,

nods like a bobblehead doll.

BEVERLY

Friday, Hi --

FRAN, schoolmarmish, ‘hip’ in designer specs,

skinny with a belly, almost SHRIEKS.

FRAN

FRIDAY. What are you doing --

FRIDAY

Here at the think tank?

Well, let’s just say that my self-esteem got a bit too high,

and I thought it might be a good idea

to climb back up on the cross for a bit.

Do the martyr thing again.

Whattya think? Sound good?

BEVERLY

Friday!

FRAN

Ha ha ha ha ha --

FRIDAY

Now, if you’ll excuse me,

I’m here for my eleven-o’clock meeting

with a rascally little JEW-BASTARD.