Scene Of A Perfect Crime

Happy Thurdsay, serial killers. Need a break from your boring, banal existence? Then kick back and relax, slide on your shades, pop open a cold one, and crawl on in to the coolest crime joint in town, right here ... where you can have That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's episode from HIT & RUN HOLIDAY. Better sit tight, kids ... cause this one's action-packed.

First up, white slave trafficker/former Marine Bland Loosener is being pursued by the cops through the streets of Santa Monica ...

While car thief Friday Foster's recent ex Carrie Love goes to a dive bar to drown her sorrows ... and get laid ...

EXT./INT. BLAND’S SUV - MOVING - CONTINUOUS

Bland SWERVES through traffic on Ocean Avenue going south.

A CLUSTER OF SQUAD CARS follow. Sirens BLARING.

BLAND

(on his cell)

There were cops all over the fuckin’ place.

You said Santa Monica was LIBERAL.

ZVI

(on his)

So where the fuck are you now?

BLAND

In the vehicle in a high-speed chase, and they’re chasing ME.

ZVI

You stupid FUCK. I give you a simple job to do --

BLAND

Don’t worry, I have a bomb up my sleeve.

He reaches into a bag, yanks out a GRENADE.

Pulls the pin. LOBS it up through the sun roof, into the air.

THE GRENADE

lands in the middle of a trio of PATROL CARS.

BANG. A massive FIREBALL EXPLODES

in a riot of orange fire, black clouds of smoke --

INT. BLAND’S SUV - MOVING

He turns up the volume on his hands-free.

BLAND

I said, I’m going to have to charge you for expenses.

These are my personal explosives --

Bland LOBS a grenade at the Miatta -- BANG.

EXT. MARINA DEL REY - BEACH CONDO - ROOF - CONTINUOUS

Zvi pulls the earpiece out.

ZVI

Goddammit. Stupid fuck’s gonna make me go deaf --

EXT. OCEAN AVENUE - DAY

The SUV races down the coastal boulevard.

UP AHEAD

is a ROADBLOCK.

Where did they all come from so quickly?

BLAND

slows down. Looks to his right. Sees --

EXT. SANTA MONICA PIER - ENTRANCE - CONTINUOUS

He brakes hard, YANKS the wheel, turns onto the pier --

Right into the middle of a SWARM OF TOURISTS.

HONKS his horn. YELLS out the window.

BLAND

Civilians, out of the way! Incoming!

JABS his Uzi through the open sunroof.

SQUEEZES the trigger --

RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT.

People SCREAM. Start RUNNING.

The SUV speeds up, pushes through the wake of fleeing bodies.

A bullet CRACKS through the rear window.

WHIZZES by Bland’s ear.

POPS out through the windshield --

BLAND (CONT'D)

Fuck me, Private.

He turns around. Looks, sees --

More SQUAD CARS.

Coming right at him.

BLAND (CONT’D)

Tactical maneuvers, SIR.

Bland JAMS on the gas -- and FLIES down the pier.

THE COPS

follow. Sirens BLARING. Bullets FLYING.

BLAND

reaches into the bag. Takes out a mouthpiece.

Like divers use for breathing underwater.

BLAND (CONT'D)

Dammit. I really like this vehicle --

EXT. SANTA MONICA PIER - CONTINUOUS

The SUV races down the boardwalk toward the water.

The cops SCREECH to a halt.

Start setting up another roadblock.

But the gas guzzler keeps going.

Reaches the platform at the end.

FISHERMEN dash out of the way.

INSIDE THE SUV

Bland POPS the clutch --

BLAND

One-hundred and first AIRBORNE, SIR.

And SLAMS his mouthpiece in.

THE SUV

JERKS, and sails up, into the air over the edge of the pier.

And, in slow motion, like a floating feather --

It HITS the waves like a diver. GLUG.

INT. DIVE BAR - AT THAT MOMENT

Unbelievably dark. Dank. Smoky.

Concrete Blonde’s SCENE OF A PERFECT CRIME bleeds darkness on the juke.

The BARTENDER (40’S) wipes off a glass with a rag.

Dead ringer for Lurch. He leans back. SPITS chewing tobacco.

Carrie sits on a stool. Deep in thought.

Nursing a bottle of beer. She raises two fingers.

Lurch grabs a bottle Kessler’s.

Pours two fingers. Carrie nods.

A WOMAN IN BLACK (24) emerges from the ladies’ room.

Tall, gaunt, pale. Still in last night’s outfit.

Tres Goth. An extra from Nosferatu.

Slides onto her stool. Next to Carrie.

CARRIE

Where’s the funeral?

WOMAN IN BLACK

Yesterday. I’m a model.

Mortuary brochure.

(itches her arm)

Got to keep the dress --

CARRIE

Was it -- open casket?

WOMAN IN BLACK

(sickly smile)

Only for -- next of kin.

CARRIE

Where’s the wake?

WOMAN IN BLACK

Back at my place.

Carrie drains her glass. Smiles. Grim.

CARRIE

It’s your funeral --