Lights, Camera, Anger

Happy Hump Day, crime fiends. Are you ready to get your hardboiled-pulp-action groove on? Then slip into your favorite shoulder holster, strap on your piece, and head on out to the swinging-est joint in town ... at That Killing Feeling.

Unto today's action-packed episode from HIT & RUN HOLIDAY. Better buckle up, kids ... cause it's gonna be a bumpy ride.

With the media in place, wanted fugitive/screenwriter Friday Foster, having taken the executives at White Line Pictures hostage, is about to make her demands ...

When she's interrupeted ...

By the cops.

INT. WHITE LINE PICTURES - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

Jimmy Joe holds his piece on the group. Smiles.

DON

You realize you’ve killed your chances

of starring in ACTION MOVIE 2 --

JIMMY JOE

Fuck your piece of shit ACTION MOVIE.

I’m only here because my agent begged me to.

(beat)

Like I would co-star with Lil’ Nig.

HANS

Jimmy Joe. Put ze gun down. Let’s talk about zis.

JIMMY JOE

Sorry, Girlie-man --

but the lil’ lady asked me to keep ya’ll covered,

an in tha int-rest of keepin’ ya’ll alive,

I’m gonna do jus’ that.

GARY

Fucking redneck.

This isn’t a goddamn movie, Jimmy Joe.

FRIDAY (O.C.)

Hell, no -- it’s A LOT more fun.

FRIDAY

comes in. Followed by Rebecca, holding her mike.

Carrie behind the camera. Kelly FLASHES the light.

Friday goes to the head of the table. Sits.

REBECCA

Coming to you live from White Line Pictures,

‘The Siege: Crisis in Development Hell.’

FRIDAY

(to the executives)

Don’t you just love it

when the media gives cool names

to wars and disasters?

(to Rebecca)

Cue the GRAPHICS.

Take me to the global village.

Let’s get that DEMOGRAPHIC.

REBECCA

ROLL CAMERA.

Rebecca raises her mike.

Cocks her head. Full of importance.

REBECCA (CONT’D)

This is Rebecca Diaz, Crime TV,

reporting to you live from White Line Pictures --

where Friday Foster has taken the top executives hostage.

FRIDAY

Damn straight. We shall overcome. Redemption song.

Free Nelson Mandella. I have a dream. All that shit.

REBECCA

As you can see, our captor is quite eloquent -- and irreverent.

FRIDAY

I’m a writer -- what do you expect?

‘Hi, Mom?’

REBECCA

No, but I’m rather surprised at your flip attitude,

and that you seem to be having fun.

You’re not even scared.

FRIDAY

Scared? Can you say EMPOWERED?

(points Uzi at her)

Enough fucking around, let’s hurry this up.

Before I spray your shellacked head like chunks in sauce.

REBECCA

Okay, okay --

so, tell us, what are your demands?

FRIDAY

All I want -- is this Hollywood hack --

(points gun at Don)

To apologize for ruining my fucking life.

REBECCA

(whirls to the camera)

And in a stunning surprise,

we’ve learned that Friday’s demand isn’t money,

or anything material, not even a movie deal.

(pause for effect)

She just wants an apology.

In these consumer-driven modern times,

it’s refreshing to see someone who --

CARRIE

Enough with the reportage.

Let Red apologize.

FRIDAY

Carrie? First at the club, and now here?

What are you, fucking stalking me?

CARRIE

I want to help you.

If you surrender,

maybe I can help you get a deal,

get a lighter sentence.

REBECCA

Wait a minute.

Now I know where I’ve seen you --

you’re that cop that got suspended,

it was all over the news.

KELLY

Are you kidding me?

That means we’ve been breaking the law.

CARRIE

Well, if you want to split hairs.

KELLY

No wonder you wanted to help her --

you’re an outlaw, too.

FRIDAY

Kelly? Kelly Klavan?

What are YOU doing here?

What is this? Former-FUCK week?

KELLY

Friday. Nice to see you. I’m, uh --

here to tell your story.

I’m a journalist, too, you know.

Friday stares at Kelly. Then Carrie. Head reeling.

JIMMY JOE

Well, shit -- I kin read the subtext here.

If these two were willin’ ta risk their lives

tryin’ to help ya, ya must be one helluva lover.

FRIDAY

I’ve had no complaints.

DON

What is this, the fucking View?

GARY

It’s more like Jerry Springer.

HANS

Fuck Jerry Springer. Is like Dr. Phil.

And I HATE Dr. Phil. Fucking QUACK.

Fat fucking tub of lard with DIET BOOK.

FRIDAY

Everybody SHUT UP.

Let’s DO IT, NOW.

(to Carrie and Kelly)

Lights, camera -- ANGER.

THE CAMERA

shoots Don. In close up.

FRIDAY (O.C.) (CONT'D)

I’m waiting --

DON

As the chairman of White Line Pictures,

I’d, uh -- like to apologize --

A DEEP, MALE VOICE BOOMS

over a loudspeaker from outside.

DEEP, MALE VOICE (O.C.)

Friday Foster! This is the police!

We have you surrounded!

Come out with your hands up,

and you won’t be hurt!

FRIDAY

Damn. They really say that?