Let Sleeping Gangstas Lie

Monday, Monday ... so bad to me. Need a little jolt to awaken you from your dull, dreary 9 to 5 day jobs, crime hipsters? Then get your tight little asses into the coolest joint in town. Where the chicks are hot, the guns are hotter, and you can indulge in That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's episode from HIT & RUN HOLIDAY, and boy, are you in for a treat.

First up, wanted fugitive/would-be screenwriter Friday Foster's gal pal Dolly, upset about their aborted tryst, blows her head clean off.

Then, Friday must tangle with an extremely violent security guard ...

And THEN escapes to the bungalow next door, where she makes a deal with a certain gold-toothed gangsta for help with ... her getaway.

INT. CHATEAU MARMONT BUNGALOW - NIGHT

Friday listens at the bathroom door. Panicked.

FRIDAY

What are you gonna do, kill --

She realizes. HER GUN.

She races to the bedside.

Frantically rummages through her bag.

It’s GONE.

FRIDAY (CONT’D)

(runs to the door)

Dolly, no!

BANG.

Friday steps back. Braces herself.

KICKS open the door.

DOLLY

lies on the floor next to the toilet.

Back of her head, brains, blood,

bits of skull all over the wall.

FRIDAY (CONT’D)

I’ve just been cluster-fucked.

She pries the gun out of Dolly’s hands.

RACES INTO --

THE LIVING ROOM

and DASHES over to the TV.

PUNCHES it on. LOUD.

Frantically surfs channels until --

An 80’s ACTION MOVIE spews MACHINE GUN FIRE.

Someone BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANGS on the door.

FRIDAY (CONT’D)

Just a minute!

She composes herself.

Puts the gun in the small of her back.

Strides over to the door. To reveal --

A UNIFORMED SECURITY GUARD.

This guy makes Ving Rhames look like a shrinking violet.

HUGE SECURITY GUARD

We had a report of gunshots -- coming from this room.

FRIDAY

Yeah. Chuck Norris just took out the Iraqui government.

He glances at the TV.

HUGE SECURITY GUARD

Isn’t it a little early for action movies?

FRIDAY

I’m a casting agent, checking out Chuck.

HUGE SECURITY GUARD

Yeah, right. Chuck Norris.

FRIDAY

I didn’t say I was A-list.

HUGE SECURITY GUARD

(pulls out handcuffs)

Assume the position, bitch.

Friday walks backwards.

Toward where Dolly lies.

FRIDAY

I’m sorry, but I can’t do that.

HUGE SECURITY GUARD

(coming toward her)

What you got in the bathroom, girlie -- a body?

FRIDAY

Don’t come any closer, I don’t want to hurt you.

HUGE SECURITY GUARD

Hurt ME?

He stops. LAUGHS. Shakes his head.

Unhooks his billy club.

HUGE SECURITY GUARD (CONT’D)

This is gonna be fun --

I haven’t used this on a bitch in a long --

Lightening fast, Friday KICKS him in the jaw, CRACK.

He FLIES across the room, SLAMS into the wall, THWUNK.

FRIDAY

Who you calling a BITCH?

Huge catches his breath. Weaves a bit. Rubs his jaw.

HUGE SECURITY GUARD

Fucking cunt --

Friday shadowboxes, dances on the balls of her feet.

FRIDAY

Hey, no use of the ‘C’ word. That’s uncalled for.

He LUNGES for her. SWINGING his stick.

Friday feints right, swerves left.

He CRACKS into the dresser. Drawers go FLYING.

HUGE SECURITY GUARD

I’m gonna -- fuck you up.

Huge regains his balance. Paws at the floor like a bull.

FRIDAY

Looks like you’re kinda doing that to yourself.

He LUNGES, GRABS HER by the THROAT. Friday GAGS.

He BANGS her head against the wall, CRACK.

Friday struggles, kicks, PUSHES his fingers backwards.

HUGE SECURITY GUARD

GAAAH --

Enraged, he PUNCHES her in the face, CRUNCH.

Friday FLIES backward, HITS the wall. OOF.

HUGE SECURITY GUARD (CONT’D)

Fucking CUNT.

FRIDAY

Great vocabulary. Where’d you get your graduate degree?

He CHARGES her. GRABS HER around the NECK.

SQUEEZES. HARD. Friday fights for air.

Eyes BUG OUT, arms FLAILING.

She feels around, GRABS a lamp. SMASHES IT on his head.

Huge swerves. Blinks. Damn, this fucker is STRONG.

HUGE SECURITY GUARD

Fucking bitch. I’m gonna kill you.

FRIDAY

Fucking cunt, fucking bitch.

That the best you can do, MANDINGO?

Huge RUSHES her. She GRABS the bathroom door knob.

Just as he reaches her, she steps to the side --

and SWINGS the door in his face, WHACK.

BANG. He crumples to the floor, THWUNK.

She grabs his ankles.

Drags him into the bathroom.

Quietly shuts the door.

FRIDAY (CONT’D)

Fucking asshole. Broke a nail.

Friday goes to the bed. Stuffs her bag.

Grabs the briefcases. Goes to the terrace doors.

FRIDAY (CONT'D)

Hope they don’t charge for early checkout.

EXT. BUNGALOW 5 - TERRACE

Friday climbs over the railing. Walks over to Bungalow 6.

Raises herself up, and climbs onto the terrace. Looks around.

FRIDAY

Should probably let sleeping gangstas lie.

INT. BUNGALOW 6 - EARLY MORNING

Friday tip-toes into the darkness.

A hulking FIGURE appears,

drinking from a gallon jug of milk.

It’s Gold-Tooth.

GOLD-TOOTHED GANGSTA

(British accent)

What are the bloody fuck are YOU doing here?

FRIDAY

Sorry to barge in, but I gotta jailbait suicide

and a comatose security guard back at my place,

and I didn’t think it would be a good idea

to stick around for housekeeping.

GOLD-TOOTHED GANGSTA

(impressed)

I understand.

(beat)

And you want to -- hide out here?

FRIDAY

Tempting, but I can’t, I have an appointment.

Big pitch meeting.

GOLD-TOOTHED GANGSTA

And what, you need a ride?

FRIDAY

Yeah. I’ll pay you a hundred bucks a mile. Plus gas.

GOLD-TOOTHED GANGSTA

Cash?

FRIDAY

(tosses him a wad of cash)

Your tip. In advance.

GOLD-TOOTHED GANGSTA

Madam, your carriage awaits.