Gangsta Gang-Bang

Happy Saturdaze, crime slicksters. Feelin' a little bored? Disgruntled? Like you wanna climb up on the roof and start picking off pedestrians with a high-powered rifle? Then congratulations ... you've got That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's crackling hot episode from HIT & RUN HOLIDAY.

First up, we see aftermath of disgraced homicide cop Carrie Love getting shot in the stomach ...

While the executives of White Line Pictures make their 'Escape from LA' ...

Meanwhile, the rioter have 'entered the building' and are on their way upstairs ...

INT. WHITE LINE PICTURES - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

A sharp CRACK through the window. A bullet WHIZZES by.

Carrie clutches her stomach. OOF.

CARRIE

Huh?

A red stain appears on her shirt. Starts growing.

FRIDAY

NO.

Friday takes Carrie in her arms.

CARRIE

(tiny voice)

I’ve been -- shot.

FRIDAY

Shhhh. It’s gonna be okay.

(to the group)

Somebody call a fucking ambulance!

Jimmy Joe pulls out his cell. Punches in 911.

CARRIE

Funny -- I don’t feel anything.

FRIDAY

Shhhh, save your strength. You’re in shock.

(to Jimmy Joe)

Well?

JIMMY JOE

It’s jus’ ringin’ and ringin’ --

EXT. WHITE LINE PICTURES - FRONT ENTRANCE

A large mob of UNRULY RIOTERS POUND on the front door.

Mr. George stands behind the glass. Shakes his fist.

MR. GEORGE

Heathens! Go away!

We haff nothin here for yoo to take!

A HUGE BLACK GUY KICKS the door.

HUGE BLACK GUY

I saw dat ‘Drive-By 3!’

It wazza piece-a SHIT!

I want my money back!

LOUD BLACK GUY

You be dissin’ niggaz wit dat SHIT!

He lifts a FIRE EXTINGUISHER and SMASHES IT through the door.

IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM

Friday looks out the window. Sees the GANG pouring in.

FRIDAY

We gotta get the FUCK outta here,

or else we’re dead white meat.

(to Jimmy Joe)

Where’s that fucking AMBULANCE?

JIMMY JOE

(closes his cell)

Fucking riot, they’re all busy --

said it would be about an hour.

FRIDAY

An hour? We DON’T HAVE AN HOUR!

DON

Like I could give two fucks.

(to Hans)

Hans. You drive your Hummer to work today?

HANS

Yah, of course --

GARY

Great idea. The parking garage is secure.

HANS

And ve make like Escape From LA.

DON

Shut up, Hans. Gimme your fucking keys.

(takes keys, to Friday)

You’re on your own, bitch.

Good luck getting out of here alive.

They race outta there. The assistants follow.

Friday strokes Carrie’s hair. Rocks back and forth.

FRIDAY

Everything in my life turns to shit.

(to Jimmy Joe)

We’ve gotta do something.

(a lightbulb POPS)

Hey. You’ve got rich and famous friends.

Any of ‘em have a chopper?

JIMMY JOE

Fuck, yeah.

(pulls out his cell, dials)

Yo, Ridley? Yeah, it’s me, Jimmy Joe.

(listens)

Oh, nothin’ much,

just about to be stormed by

an angry mob of marauding rioters --

an’ we gotta lady thas’ been shot in the belly.

How you doin?’

(listens)

Beverly Hills. Over at White Line Pictures.

You still have that chopper?

(looks at Friday)

All gassed up an’ ready to go?

And you sure yer not usin’ it?

(listens)

Yer in Morocco with Russell? Nice.

So kin I borrow it? It’s an emergency.

(listens)

Thanks, Ridley-boy. I owe ya one.

(listens)

I gotta think about it. Thanks.

(hangs up, to Friday)

Ridley’s gonna let me borrow his personal chopper.

It’s on its way over.

(beat)

An I got a part in his next picture -- if I want it.

Not sure if I wanna play a Shiite terrorist, though.

FRIDAY

Ridley -- ?

JIMMY JOE

Scott, yeah. We’ve wanted to work together for years.

Just haven’t found the right project.

(beat)

Hey. So listen, while we’re waitin’ --

can I ask you a question. Kinda personal?

FRIDAY

How personal?

JIMMY JOE

Well, see -- I never met a woman like you before,

an’ I always wanted to.

(meaningfully)

The Native Americans say you have special powers.

FRIDAY

That’s a myth. I’ve seen life from both sides,

and they both suck. What’s your question?

JIMMY JOE

So, uh --

(beat)

Which orgasm is better?

BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

A horde of feet STOMP down the hallway outside.

FRIDAY

Shit.

Jimmy Joe puts a finger to his mouth -- shhhhhhhh.

A BIG, UGLY GANGSTA

sticks his head in the room.

BIG, UGLY GANGSTA

(to the rest outside)

Hey. In here. We gotta couple-a live ones.

(sees Bland)

He dead?

FRIDAY

Just resting.

BIG, UGLY GANGSTA

(sees Carrie)

She dead?

FRIDAY

Almost.

Three more LARGE BLACK GUYS walk in.

Carrying pipes. Knives.

BIG, UGLY GANGSTA

(sees Friday)

That’s the bitch’s been on da news.

I’m gonna hit dat. Have my first celeb-ritee.

LEERING GANGSTA

Back off. I’m doin’ her first.

KNIFE-WEILDING GANGSTA

Homes, they three inputs --

we kin have a gangsta gang-bang.