Me Love You No Time

Get ready for another estrogren-drenched PUNCH to the solar plexus ... a riveting, no-holds-barred, ultra-violent KICK in the ass ... a slam-bang, thank-you-bitch ride straight to hell ...when you hook up with NOWHERE GIRL ...

Screened another great David Mamet flick last night. REDBELT, starring Chiwetel Ejiofor, Joe Mantagna, Tim Allen, Emily Mortimer, Ricky Jay and David Paymer. Didn't appeal to me when it came out, because I'm not really into stories about boxing and fighters (THE WRESTLER and a certain Scorsese picture being notable exceptions.) But that's not what this story's about. Chiwetell plays Mike Terry, a jujitsu instructor who's in a financial bind, and must compromise his ethics and fight in the ring for the payola. I can't tell you anything else about the riveting plot, because it'll give everything away, that's how tight the story is. Damn, Mamet is simply a master at creating a great plot. And casting Tim Allen as a world-weary, drunken movie is star is pure genius. Two gloves up!

Onto today's joint form NOWHERE GIRL, and this one's a corker. Pure, simple, lean and mean -- the big fight sequence I was promising you yesterday ...

In which April Street KICKS ASS ...


EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - NIGHT
Yuri chats with the cops. April leans against the SUV,
her wrists tied in front with one of those twist-ties.
Cheap. Light. Easy. Effective.

And PAINFUL.

YURI
Thanks for help, fellas.

CRAZED COP
You want us to escort you?
That bitch is dangerous.

YURI
I’ve got it, thanks.

The cops shrug, go back to their car and get in.
Yuri GRABS April by the wrists.
Points his gun at her.
Opens the door.
SHOVES her in.
Slides her over to the front passenger seat.

YURI (CONT’D)
(gets in)
Sit tight. No talking.

APRIL
Can you loosen it a bit?
It’s cutting off my circulation.

YURI
I said NO TALKING.

Yuri starts the engine.
Pulls out, enters traffic.
Driving one-handed,
the other pointing his gun at April.

APRIL
Where are you taking me?

He CRACKS her in the head with his piece.
April REELS back.

YURI
You American broads WON’T LISTEN.
I said SHUT THE FUCK UP.

They drive down the strip.
Pass by shops and restaurants.

YURI (CONT’D)
Look at all this fucking tourist crap.
(beat)
Crafton wanted me to bring you in.
(turns, smiles)
But I told him I have better idea.
We get to play game.

APRIL
What kind of --

She shuts up.
Doesn’t want to get hit again.

YURI
Ah, you want to know what kind of game?
Well, you see, back in Russia we have
special method to get information.
Way that make Gitmo look like Camp David.
(hisses)
Waterboarding. For BABIES.
(beat)
I pride myself in being able to keep
detainee alive for WEEKS, sometimes MONTHS.
(nasty laugh)
We’re going to have lot of fun, babushka.

The car stops at a light.
Yuri turns his head. Sees --

EXT. CRAZY HORSE STRIP CLUB - CONTINUOUS
A trio of HOT, FLASHY STRIPPERS
come out of the club, laughing.
All hair, legs and boobs.

IN THE CAR
Yuri watches them.
Puts his tongue between two fingers,
wriggles it like a snake.

ON THE SIDEWALK
Tall, curvy does a take.

TALL, CURVY BLOND STRIPPER
EW. Did you see what that guy just DID?

HOT HISPANIC STRIPPER
(walks over, SLAPS handbag against the window)
Mother-FUCKER.

HOT ASIAN STRIPPER
Me love you NO-TIME.

IN THE CAR
April takes advantage of the distraction.

PIVOTS in her seat,
curls into a ball,
raises her boots,
pulls them back, and --

SLAMS them into Yuri’s head,
CRACKING it into the window.

APRIL
Take THAT, motherfucker!

She KICKS again,
HARDER, BANG --
squishing his head like a grape.
Blood SPRAYS.
The window CRACKS.

ON THE SIDEWALK
The strippers FREAK.

TALL, CURVY BLOND STRIPPER
Holy fucking SHIT!

HOT HISPANIC STRIPPER
OhmiGOD!

HOT ASIAN STRIPPER
Let’s get the fuck OUTTA HERE.

And they TAKE OFF,
high-heels CLATTERING on the pavement.

IN THE CAR
April surveys the damage. Sniffs.

APRIL
Fucker smells like cabbage.