Hold Onto Your Tits

Happy Thursday, slimeballs. You say you wanna revolution? You say you're a bit disgruntled? Feel like getting on top of a building with a sniper-scope rifle and start picking off pedestrians? Well, look no further, cause here's your one-way ticket to non-stop, hardboiled action ... with NOWHERE GIRL ...

Screened a weird but great flick last night. DEAD FISH, a British gangster joint, with Gary Oldman, Terrence Stamp, Robert Carlyle and Billy Zane. I say weird, because the Brits love their crime stories with over the top humor, and a little kinky, naughty stuff thrown in for good measure. Seems this hitman, played by Gary Oldman, accidentally switches his cell phone with a young stoner kid, so when Gary's boss calls him for his next hit, the kid gets the call instead. Thow in Carlyle as a murderous loan shark after the kid for the money he owes him, Zane as a bizarre assassin and Stamp as posh gangster, and all hell breaks loose. Great, explosive fun, if you like it a bit nutty. Two gun up for this sucker, bloke. A bloody good time was had by all. Literally.

Onto today's joint from NOWHERE GIRL, and this one's a doozy. April Street and Cherry Nation are pursued by the most evil mode of transportation on earth ... a Hummer.

That's right kids, we got ourselves a high-speed car chase ...

EXT. HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD - NIGHT

The truck is RAMMED from behind.
Cherry and April are JERKED in their seats.

CHERRY
What the FUCK was that?

APRIL
(looks in rear view)
We’re being tailed --
(another BANG)
By a fucking HUMMER.

CHERRY
But this truck’s bigger than a Hummer.

APRIL
Exactly. Hold onto your tits.

April JAMS on the breaks -- SCREEEEECH.

EXT. HOLLYWOOD BOULEVARD - CONTINUOUS
The Hummer SMASHES into the back of the truck.

IN THE TRUCK
April JAMS it into reverse --
and HITS THE GAS.

ON THE STREET
The truck starts PUSHING the Hummer backwards.
Cars HONK. SWERVE to get out of the way.

IN THE HUMMER
The DRIVER curses.
Pulls out an AUTOMATIC WEAPON.
Sticks it out the window.
PUMPS it.

THE TRUCK
Gets SPRAYED with bullets.

IN THE TRUCK
April hands Cherry her Sig Sauer.

APRIL
Here ya go, love -- shoot his fucking nuts off.

CHERRY
MOTHER-FUCKER.

Cherry takes the gun.
Opens her window.
Leans out. Starts FIRING at the Hummer.
SPRAYS it with bullets.

THE DRIVER OF THE HUMMER
Aims for the truck’s rear tires.
Gets the left. BANG.
Then the right. BANG.

IN THE TRUCK
April SWERVES the wheel.

APRIL
He’s shooting our TIRES.
Get HIS!

CHERRY
Leans further out the window.
SPRAYS bullets on the Hummer’s front tires.

THE HUMMER
Swerves.

THE TRUCK AND THE HUMMER
Reach an intersection.
The truck’s wheels SCREECH on their rims,
PUSHING the Hummer into ONCOMING TRAFFIC.

A CITY BUS
SMASHES into the Hummer -- BANG.
Buh-bye.

IN THE TRUCK
April pulls over to the curb.
Looks at Cherry.

APRIL (CONT’D)
Nice shooting.

CHERRY
Nice driving.

APRIL
You okay?

CHERRY
Well, since you asked --
I feel like I’m gonna puke.
(realizes, turns her head)
Peeler? You back there? You okay?

Cherry swivels in her seat.
Looks in the rear.

THE BACK DOOR
Is open.
The compartment is empty.

CHERRY (CONT’D)
He’s gone. Story of my life.

APRIL
Welcome to the world of espionage.
The Spy Who Left Me.