Can't Blame A Guy For Trying

Ah, Sunday. A day of worship. Chores. Contract killings. So take a break. Come with me on a ride to the dark side, with the hardboiled action thriller moves of NOWHERE GIRL ...

Screened a real classic last night. My man Clint in PLAY MISTY FOR ME, with Jessica Walter and Donna Mills (who was fun to see again now that I know she's a big lesbo.) Clint's directorial debut is a masterpiece of a shocker-thriller. The first 'pyscho bitch' stalker flick. Learned a great factoid today from a Facebook buddy who told me that Clint had the director Don Siegel on set in case he got into any problems. He didn't have any, so he cast Don as the bartender. A great, great movie. Still exciting, still creepy, still awesome. Two 357 Magnums WAY up.

Onto today's joint from NOWHERE GIRL, and we're nearing the final, explosive conclusion. April and Cherry, captured by Sledge Crafton, learn a SHOCKING secret about their 'relationship' ...

INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - NIGHT

The girls sit down. Cherry looks at April nervously.

SLEDGE
In the early eighties,
I was missing in action in Nicaragua --
and during this period of time my CRAZY BITCH
of a wife put our lovely two daughters up for adoption --
after she ran off to the UK with a rock star.
(beat)
Those were heady times.
It was pre-AIDS, ecstacy was legal --

APRIL
What’s with the life story?
Get to the fucking POINT.

SLEDGE
The point?
You want me to GET TO THE POINT?
(beat)
Well, like I SAID --
my wife put our lovely young daughters up for adoption.
Such a sad fate for two little four-year-old girls.
How tragic would it be if they were separated?

April and Cherry exchange glances.
What the fuck?

SLEDGE (CONT'D)
You know the rest of the story --
because you’ve LIVED it.
(beat)
That’s right -- I’m your FATHER.
I scoured the globe for years tracking you down.
Of course I was incredibly happy to discover
that my little April had become an agent for Interpol.
That little apple didn’t fall too far from the tree.
But, however, I was dismayed to discover
that my little Abby had changed her name to CHERRY,
and had become a PORN STAR
and then a STRIPPER.
To say I was disappointed would be an understatement.
(beat)
Then I decided to find a way
in which I could get you two back together --
in my loving arms.
(beat)
This whole thing has been A TEST.
A MILITARY EXERCISE.
And you both passed --
with FLYING COLORS.
(to April)
I had a hunch -- and I was right --
that if you took Abby under your wing,
she’d grow some balls.

CHERRY
My name is CHERRY, not Abby.

APRIL
You fucking SLEPT with me,
you -- MONSTER.

SLEDGE
A momentary lapse, I’m afraid.
(beat)
You ARE the spitting image of your mother.

April LEAPS up. SLAPS the window.

APRIL
What THE FUCK do you want from us?

SLEDGE
(strange smile)
What any father wants from his darling daughters.
I’ve created a nice little empire, you know.
I’d like you to come work with me --
and live with me.
(beat)
Imagine the possibilities.
(low)
Come to Poppa.

April POUNDS on the window.
Cherry watches, in shock.

APRIL
You’re the most depraved human being I’ve ever MET.
We wouldn’t work for you if you were the last person ON EARTH.
(beat)
Daddy.

CHERRY
YEAH.
So why don’t you go FUCK YOURSELF and DIE.

Crafton shakes his head slowly.

SLEDGE
I was hopping you wouldn’t say that.
Can’t blame a guy for trying.

He takes out his cell.
Mumbles something.
Hangs up.

SLEDGE (CONT’D)
My heart -- is broken.

The window shade CLOSES.
Water starts GUSHING down
from a row of pipes in the ceiling.

DRENCHING Cherry and April.