The Home of the Homeless

Hello, Friday. Hello, martinis. Greetings, saw-off shotgun. Doing anything tonight? Lookin for a ... target?

Screened a little film called 44 MINUTES last night. It's about that famous bank robbery in North Hollywood back in '97 where two masked, kevla-jacketed gunmen held off over 100 cops with submachines guns over the course of one, long, hot day. (The filmmakers truncated it for the movie.) Nice to see Michael Madson and Ron Livingston shoot the shit out a pair of Eastern European lunkheads. A bit shmaltzy with the brief snippets of talking heads discussing why they're 'on the force,' and what 'family' the job is. Great sentiments ... when done well. Not here. Still, it was delirious to see so much shooting. Go ahead, make day. Get of my lawn.

Onto today's joint from GUN-WILD. It's your luck day -- a two-fer. Well, both scenes are kinda short, so I squashed 'em together.

Part 1

Officers Teen and Rawls have a slice.

Cruise hot babes on the boardwalk.

Then hear gunshots.

Race toward the scene of the crime.

Part 2

Rod and Cam, about to make their getaway,

take on an unexpected passenger...

***

EXT. VENICE BOARDWALK - AT THAT MOMENT

Bobby and Taya eat slices of pizza.

Bobby’s got his folded in half lengthwise.

Taya eats hers off a paper plate.

They walk by a grizzled group of HIPPIES

playing bad music for a sidewalk cafe.

The patrons could give a shit.

The hippies are oblivious,

living their Grateful Dead dreams.

BOBBY

That’s what I like about Venice.

Fucking time warp.

(points)

Check out Jerry Garcia over there.

TAYA

(looks, frowns)

I can smell him from here.

BOBBY

Welcome to ‘The home of the homeless.’

TAYA

(chuckles)

You’re terrible.

They continue walking.

Pass a group of HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS.

BOBBY

Armenian bastard was right.

They DO all look alike --

(beat)

Jailbait HOOKERS.

A BUFF ISRAELI SHOPKEEPER (30)

Runs up to them.

BUFF ISRAELI SHOPKEEPER

Officers, officers! Did you hear the gunshots?

BOBBY

GUNSHOTS? Where?

TAYA

How did you know we were --

BUFF ISRAELI SHOPKEEPER

(points)

In the parking lot. Over that way --

(to Taya)

Your shoes. Dead giveaway.

BOBBY

Thanks.

(to Taya)

COME ON.

They pull out their guns. Start RUNNING.

TAYA

I’m getting fucking SNEAKERS.

INT. WINNEBAGO - AT THAT MOMENT

Cam and Rod stand near the door.

Guns drawn. Listening to the POUNDING on the door.

ACCENTED MALE VOICE (O.C.)

Hey! Are you alright in there?

ROD

Go get the door. Tell him the engine backfired.

CAM

I got an idea.

She pulls off her T-shirt. Big grin.

ROD

You’re a genius.

Cam goes to the door. OPENS IT.

OUTSIDE THE WINNEBAGO

Stands an ASIAN ART VENDOR (30’s).

Small, squirrely. Glasses.

ASIAN ART VENDOR

(sees Cam, stares)

Oh. Hello.

CAM

(brightly)

Hey, there. What’s up?

ASIAN ART VENDOR

(eyes wide)

I heard -- gunshots. Are you -- okay?

CAM

Gunshots? Those weren’t gunshots.

The engine backfired.

ASIAN ART VENDOR

No -- I heard gunshots.

(staring)

I called -- 911.

Rod appears in the doorway.

With a sawed-off shotgun.

ROD

Get in the fucking BUS, NOW.

ASIAN ART VENDOR

(scared, confused, turned on)

But I don’t -- understand.

Cam reaches over. GRABS his arm.

YANKS him inside.

CAM

Sorry -- no tickie.

INSIDE THE WINNEBAGO

Cam holds her gun against Asian’s head.

He’s shaking.

CAM

(points to the dining nook)

Over there, SIT.

Asian does. Scared shitless.

ASIAN ART VENDOR

Please, don’t hurt me.

I was only trying to HELP.

CAM

Shut the FUCK up.

(to Rod)

We gotta get the fuck out of here, NOW.

ROD

What are we gonna do about HIM?

CAM

We’ll figure that out later.

C’MON, we gotta get OUTTA HERE.

Rod dashes over the driver’s seat. GUNS the engine.

CAM (CONT’D)

Go slow. We’re just a couple of tourists,

leaving the beach after a nice day.

ROD

(turns the wheel, hits the gas)

Yeah. With two dead bodies,

a hostage, and a tub full of bloody cash.

***