Trigger Happy

Happy Friday. Hope it's a 'Good Friday' for you. I'm not a religious person (very spiritual, but let's not digress), so Easter has never been a big deal for me. Every year I scam my mother on the phone with the same tired joke that always gets her.

'Did you hear they cancelled Easter?'

'No. You're kidding. Home come?'

'They found the body.'

Okay. We all know I'm already going to hell. And despite herself, my dear, old 76-year-old mum always laughs. Every time.

So sue me.

Screened NIAGARA last night. Not a GREAT flick, but still a decent noir. It made Marilyn a star -- but the poor baby gets killed 45 minutes in. The doll that really turned my head was Jean Peters, the smokin' hot brunette who ends up in a boat with a murderous Joseph Cotton ... heading over the falls. Check it out if you get a chance. Nice, restored TechNicolor print, but try to avoid the pan-and-scan version. Damn, I hate that. Cuts out a third of the picture. Give me letterbox, or give me death.

Onto the next scene from GUN-WILD. In reviewing the script, I noticed a big error. Cam -- and Rod -- are supposed to be a bit gun crazy -- which doesn't happen in the bank robbery as you've read it previously. So, I've done some rewriting to fix this. You'll see references to Cam shooting the guard and the cop (instead of Net), and that's why. A minor fix, but an important one.

We now join our gang at Cam's family mansion in Beverly Hills. They're out of the country -- and Cam is there to swipe their motor home ...

***

EXT. BEVERLY HILLS - SUNSET BOULEVARD - DAY

Giant mansions behind huge gates and stone walls.

INT. FORD FAIRLANE - MOVING - CONTINUOUS

Rod’s behind the wheel of late model Ford Fairlane.

Cam rides shotgun. Hondo and Net sit in the back sipping beers.

NET

Shit. Look at THAT ONE.

CAM

It’s a wonderful day in the neighborhood.

(beat)

Not.

ROD

You GREW UP here?

CAM

More like did time.

NET

Baby went Patty Hearst on ‘em.

Cam turns around. Points her gun at Net.

CAM

Gun-CRAZY. TRIGGER-HAPPY.

Insane CLOWN PUSSY.

NET

(giggles, slaps it away)

Put that down!

(beat)

You’re kinda hot when you do that.

HONDO

Ladies, get a room.

(to himself)

We’ve created a monster.

(to Rod)

And what’s with you and the vintage wheels?

This ride BLOWS CHUNKS.

ROD

They’re easier to hot-wire.

And if you can find one with expired tags,

people think it was towed.

Gives you more time.

CAM

Here. Turn left.

Rod turns , pulls into a driveway.

Stops at the gate. Cam leans out the window.

Presses the call box.

NET

Look at that fucking GATE.

CAM

(into the speaker)

Raoul? It’s Cammy.

Surprise, surprise.

RAOUL

(O.C.)

(Mexican accent)

Cammy? Is that you?

What you doing? You come home?

CAM

Just for a quick visit.

I need to ask a favor.

RAOUL (O.C.)

My little Cammy.

You come when family is out of town. Ha, ha, ha.

CAM

See you in a sec.

The gate slowly SWINGS OPEN.

ROD

This is like Sunset Boulevard.

CAM

This IS Sunset Boulevard, baby.

***