In Blonde We Trust

Hey there, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 10 of Frankenstein In Love, after bringing Shayla's dead body back to life, Frankie goes to school the next day, only to discover that the whole town, and the media, are freaking out over her disappearance ...


INT. SUBURBAN HIGH SCHOOL - CORRIDOR - DAY
Students stream down the hallway carrying books.
Most of them looks sad, in shock, lost.

A pair of STONERS stand in
front of the water fountain.

They sport the standard ripped jeans
and Metallica T-shirt uniform.
You can practically smell them on the page.

ACNE-SCARRED STONER
Dude. It’s The case of the missing snatch.
What do you think happened to her?

FRIZZY-HAIRED STONER
I dunno. It’s a loss to humanity, bro.
That was some righteous pink taco.

ACNE-SCARRED STONER
(nods solemnly)
In blonde we trust.

CAMERA finds a group of NERDS
huddling around a locker.

BIG GLASSES NERD
She was swallowed into a
space-time continuum, I tell you.

AFRICAN-AMERICAN NERD
God, you’re such a fucking nerd.
She probably just ran away from home.

BALD NERD
Maybe she got KIDNAPPED
and sold into white slavery.

BIG GLASSES NERD
Maybe she got sucked into a black hole.

AFRICAN-AMERICAN NERD
Hey. Who you calling a BLACK HOLE?

CAMERA WHOOSHES OVER to a pair of jocks
walking down the hallway. Heads hung low.
Trying to process the information.

RED-FACED JOCK
So is it still okay to jerk off to her?

TALL JOCK
I dunno.
(low, to himself)
What a waste of major boobage.

RED-FACED JOCK
Maybe I can dry-hump Misty --
and think about her?

TALL JOCK
NICE.

They SLAP PALMS.

RED-FACED JOCK
Gone, but still jizzed-on.

CAMERA glides away. Finds Shayla’s cheerleader friends
AURA and AMBER. Teary-eyed, they hustle down the hall.

AMBER
I don’t understand. Where did she GO?

AURA
I feel -- empty, like when I got kicked off Facebook --

AMBER
Yeah. It’s like you texted someone,
and they didn’t text you back.

They look at each other. SHRIEK.
RUN into the girls’ room.

CAMERA finds Frankie and Josh,
walking toward the exit.

JOSH
I dunno, Frankie.
Maybe we should confess.
It doesn’t feel right.

FRANKIE
Yeah, sure. What are we supposed to say?
She’s dead, but I brought her back to
life and she’s down in my basement?

JOSH
I had bad dreams last night, Frankie.
I’m not sure if I can handle this.

FRANKIE
HANDLE this? You HAVE to handle this.
She’s mine now, and I’m not
going to let her go.

JOSH
But she’s DEAD, Frankie. She’s DEAD.
What good is she to you like that?

FRANKIE
GOOD to me? Tonight’s our first date.
(beat)
And she’s not dead anymore --

They reach the front entrance. Walk outside.

EXT. SUBURBAN HIGH SCHOOL - FRONT LAWN - DAY
A horde of NEWS VANS are parked outside.
A few REPORTERS with CAMERA CREWS
are interviewing students.

A FAKE-SAD SHELLACKED HOTTIE REPORTER
thrusts a microphone into a fat girl’s
tear-streaked face.

FAKE-SAD SHELLACKED HOTTIE REPORTER
Did you know Shayla well?

FAT GIRL
No. But we all looked up to her.
She was so -- perfect.

FAKE-SAD SHELLACKED HOTTIE REPORTER
(nods, looks into the camera)
It’s been one day -- and we still don’t know
what happened to little Shayla Petrie.
Perhaps it was an unhealthy desire
for perfection that drew her to the dark side.

FRANKIE AND JOSH
Watch the hubbub from the front steps.

JOSH
Geez. They’re like vultures circling a fresh kill.

FRANKIE
That may be. But I’VE got the body, not them.

JOSH
‘The body?’ Don’t say that. It sounds -- creepy.

FRANKIE
Chill, bro. It’s an expression.
I’m not gonna go full Harvey Weinstein on her.
I’m a lover, not a producer --

The Living Dead

Happy Monday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 9 of Frankenstein In Love, suburban drones Adelle and Brub Petrie report their missing cheerleader daughter Shayla to the police. Meanwhile, science genius nerd Frankie Stein has secretly brought Shayla's dead body down to his underground lab so he can bring her back to life ... and 'date' her ...



INT. PETRIE HOME - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Brub and Adelle sit on the couch.
Chet sits across from them on a big,
overstuffed chair. Jots down notes.

CHET
And you say she’s never late for dinner?
BRUB
NEVER. Our daughter is a model citizen.
She was PUMPKIN QUEEN.

ADELLE
(dabs her eyes with a tissue)
She’s the head cheerleader.
(sniffles)
What are they gonna do without her?

She HONKS on her tissue.

CHET
Oh, I know. I haven’t missed a game.
She’s -- lovely.

BRUB
You need to FIND her, officer, NOW.
Something TERRIBLE could have happened to her.

CHET
Well, we can’t file a missing persons report
until twenty-four hours have passed.

BRUB
But we can’t WAIT twenty-four hours.

CHET
Not to worry, Mr. Petrie. I can still do
little unofficial snooping around on my own.

ADELLE
Oh, THANK GOD. Thank you, officer Beverage.

CHET
Please. Call me Chet.
(off her weak smile)
Is Shayla dating anybody right now?
That might be a good avenue to explore.

BRUB
Yes, she is. Willis Grubb, that low-life.
Crazy girl broke up with Brent Brock,
the football captain.

ADELLE
AND prom king.

BRUB
To go out with HIM.

CHET
I see.
(stands up)
Well, thank you for letting us know.
I’ll go check on Willis, and tomorrow
we’ll start our investigation.
Don’t worry, we’ll find your daughter,
dead or alive.

ADELLE
(BURSTS into tears)
DEAD or alive?

Brub GLARES at him. CLENCHES his fists.

BRUB
GET OUT. Get out RIGHT NOW.
You’re upsetting my WIFE.

CHET
Ohmigosh, I’m so sorry.
I, I -- didn’t mean --
(beat)
I’m gonna go now.

He nods. Hurries out the door.
Brub rushes over to Adelle.
Tries to comfort her.

BRUB
Don’t worry, my little flower.
They’ll find her.

PUSH IN ON Adelle’s face. Now livid.

ADELLE
They fucking BETTER.

INT. FRANKIE’S BASEMENT LAB - NIGHT
Shayla lies on the workbench.
All the blood has been cleaned off.
She looks almost peaceful.

A scarf now drapes where the
side of her head was smashed in.

Wires have been attached to
various points on her body.

He attaches one on her right
temple, then her left. Done.

FRANKIE
Now it’s time to find out
if we have chemistry.

FRANKIE rubs his hands together. Excited.
Goes to his laptop. Starts PUNCHING
commands on the keyboard. Humming softly.

THE MONITOR
Shows the now-familiar graphs that
read HEART, LUNG and BRAIN.
Each reads zero percent.

Frankie reaches over, picks up a GIANT syringe.
Much bigger than the one he used on the rat.
He SQUIRTS it.

FRANKIE
This is gonna hurt me alot more than it hurts you.

And INJECTS IT into her neck.
Pushes the plunger all the way DOWN,
then quickly PULLS IT OUT.

He turns to the transformer.
Starts FLIPPING the series of switches.
It starts to HUM. Frankie watches her intently.

A NEEDLE
On the transformer starts SLOWLY
moving from left to right.

FRANKIE
Watches it. Shakes his head.

FRANKIE
C’mon, c’mon.
(beat)
Fucking Radio Shack.

He TAPS the side of it.
The needle JUMPS into the red.

FRANKIE
We have LIFT-OFF.

Frankie FLIPS down the metal bar, and --

SHAYLA
Gets ZAPPED with electricity. BUZZZ.

THE GRAPHS
Jump to ONE HUNDRED PERCENT.

FRANKIE
PUMPS a fist.

FRANKIE
Let there be LIFE.

Shayla’s body starts SHAKING.
Begins to VIBRATE.

Tendrils of SMOKE fly off her.
Frankie watches, bug-eyed.

FRANKIE
C’mon, baby -- you can DO IT.

Her eyes OPEN. She BOLTS UPRIGHT.
Blinks. Looks at Frankie quizzically.
Opens her mouth to speak.

FRANKIE
Shayla. You’re BACK.

SHAYLA
(slowly, with difficulty)
Who’s -- Shayla?

FRANKIE
You’re Shayla.

SHAYLA
Don’t -- know --
(beat)
Shayla.

FRANKIE
You don’t remember who you are?

She looks at him. Confused. Shakes her head.

FRANKIE
Do you remember anything?

SHAYLA
No. Who -- are you?

Frankie stares at her. Holy shit.

FRANKIE
I’m Frankie.
(beat)
Your boyfriend.

Shayla nods her head slowly.
Looks around the lab.

SHAYLA
Where -- am I?

FRANKIE
You’re home. This is where we live.

SHAYLA
(feels her head)
What -- happened to me?

FRANKIE
You were in an accident.
But now you’re okay.
You’re home now.

She nods slowly.
Looks like she’s about to cry.

Frankie starts taking the wires off her.
She watches. Confused.

SHAYLA
Would you -- hold me?

Frankie gulps. Takes her in his arms.

FRANKIE
(under his breath)
Thought you’d never ask --

Day of the Dead

Happy Friday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 8 of Frankenstein In Love, dead cheerleader Shayla Petrie's ex-boyfriend comes home after school feeling guilty about what he did to her. Meanwhile, science genius nerd Frankie Stein and his pal Josh bring Shayla's dead body downstairs to his basement lab ...


EXT. SHITTY, RUN-DOWN HOUSE - NIGHT
On the wrong side of the tracks.
If there WERE tracks.

The cheap seats. Threadbare lawn.
Grey picket fence. Sagging foundation.
A dim light flickers behind dirty windows.

Willis’ truck pulls into the driveway. Parks.

INT. WILLIS FAMILY HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Like the carpet and drapes,
it matches the outside.

Piles of pizza boxes, newspapers,
empty beer cans litter the joint.

Willis’ father BUCK (40’s), fat
and sloppy, sits on the shitty,
faded couch watching a ball game.

Wolfing down a TV dinner and
chugging a bottle of cheap beer.
Willis walks in.

WILLIS
Hey, pop.

BUCK
(eyes on the screen)
Hey, kid. You’re home kinda late.

WILLIS
I was hanging out with Shayla.

BUCK
Picked up some of those
Hungry Man dinners.
They’re in the freezer.
Help yourself.
Have two if you want.
They were on special.

WILLIS
Thanks.

He starts walking to the kitchen.

BUCK
Oh, and your mother called.
Said you could stay a few more days.
She’s gonna work in Vegas awhile longer.

WILLIS
(over his shoulder)
Cool.

INT. WILLIS FAMILY HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT
‘Bare bones’ would be a compliment.
Willis puts a TV dinner in the microwave.
Turns it on. Looks around guiltily.

WILLIS
(under his breath)
Fucking bitch.

INT. FRANKIE'S VOLKSWAGON BUS - NIGHT
Frankie and Josh roll up Shayla
in a brightly-colored bed sheet.

Frankie looks at it. Makes a face.

FRANKIE
Spiderman sheets?

JOSH
Shut up. They’re from when I was a kid.

FRANKIE
I bet you still sleep on them.

JOSH
Fuck you. C’mon. Let’s move it.
I don’t wanna get caught.

EXT. FRANKIE’S HOUSE - SIDE YARD - NIGHT
Frankie and Josh carry Shayla’s
wrapped-up body around the side
of the house toward the back door.

INT. FRANKIE’S HOUSE - BACK YARD - NIGHT
Frankie sets down his end.
Reaches for the back door knob.

FRANKIE
(looks around)
So far so good. No one’s seen us.

JOSH
Thank god. She’s fucking heavy.
Come on, hurry it up.

In the window, a light
TURNS ON in the kitchen.

FRANKIE
Shit. DUCK DOWN.

Josh DROPS Shayla. Gets down.
She hits the grass with a THUD.

JULIE’S FACE
Appears in the window.

Looks around. Shrugs. Disappears.
The lights SHUT OFF.

FRANKIE AND JOSH
Breath a sigh of relief.
Pick her back up.

JOSH
Jeez. Now I know how Dexter feels.

FRANKIE
Enough wisecracks, Igor.
Let’s get her down to the dungeon.

INT. FRANKIE’S BASEMENT LAB - NIGHT
Shayla lies on a makeshift bed.
An inflatable mattress on top of
a piece of plywood on a couple of sawhorses
covered by the Spiderman sheet.

She looks like some kind of ungodly doll.
The left side of her head looks fine.

Face still pretty. But the right side
has been smashed in and flattened.

Skull exposed. And she’s
pretty much COVERED in blood.

JOSH
She doesn’t look so good, Frankie.

FRANKIE
Nonsense. We’ll get her cleaned up,
maybe put a nice scarf around her head.
Get one of my mom’s old dresses.
She’ll look great.

JOSH
It’s late. I’m gonna split.

FRANKIE
(still staring at her)
Okay. Thanks for all the help.

Josh nods. Starts for the stairway.

JOSH
See you tomorrow in school.

But Frankie’s entranced. Ignores him.

JOSH
Be sure to wear protection.
(off his silence)
Whatever.

He leaves. Frankie leans down.
Pushes her hair behind her ear.
Strokes her cheek.

FRANKIE
Everything’s gonna be okay.
(beat)
I’m gonna save you.

Keeping Up With Cuntdashians

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 7 of Frankenstein In Love, science genius nerd Frankie Stein and his friend Josh transport cheerleader Shayla's Petrie's dead body to his underground lab for 'rejuvenation.' Meanwhile, his lovesick neighbor Vita Heck shops online for an ensemble that will help her seduce him ...


INT. FRANKIE'S VOLKSWAGON BUS - NIGHT
Frankie drives. Mind reeling.
Deep in thought.

Josh stares out the window.
Miserable.

JOSH
So where are you going to put her?

FRANKIE
In my basement lab, of course.

JOSH
Are you fucking KIDDING me?
That’s crazy. Your mom will find her.

FRANKIE
No, she won’t.
She’s forbidden to go down there.
It’s my domain. It’s not just my lab,
it’s also my bedroom, where I sleep.

JOSH
You’re going to sleep in the same room
as a DEAD BODY?

FRANKIE
She’s not going to be dead very long, Josh.

JOSH
Yeah. That’s what I’m AFRAID of.

EXT. STEIN RESIDENCE - NIGHT
Frankie’s car pulls into the driveway.

INT. FRANKIE'S VOLKSWAGON BUS - NIGHT
Frankie parks. Shuts off the ignition.

FRANKIE
We can’t move her now.
We have to wait until my mom is asleep.

JOSH
WE?

FRANKIE
C’mon. I need your help.
We’re in this together.

JOSH
We ARE?

FRANKIE
You just helped me remove a dead body
from the scene of an accident.
If that’s not ‘in this together,’
I don’t know what is.

JOSH
(sighs)
What time should I be here?

FRANKIE
Midnight.

JOSH
Should I bring anything?

FRANKIE
If you find your balls,
that might help.

Josh rolls his eyes.
Opens the car door.

JOSH
Very funny.

FRANKIE
Hey, come on.
I’m just messing with you.
Thanks for helping me out.
I owe you one.
You’re my best friend.

JOSH
Are you TRYING to scare me?

INT. VITA’S BEDROOM - NIGHT
The Cure’s queasy, plaintive,
over-the-top romantic dirge
PICTURES OF YOU plays on the stereo.

Dark, like a cave. Candles burning.
Horror movie and goth rock band
posters dot the walls.

Vita sits at her desk,
cruising the web.

She picks up her cell.
Punches a number.

VITA
Imogene -- ?
(listens)
Yeah, It’s me.
We’re not playing tonight.
(listens)
I’ve got this gnarly cold.
I’ve been coughing up chunks.
(listens)
Yeah. I’ve called the others.
(listens)
Yep. We’re on for next week.
(listens)
Beware The Phantom Brigade.

She CLICKS the phone shut.
Shakes her head.

Starts working the
mouse and keyboard.

ON THE SCREEN
We see the ZARA website.
Vita clicks on APPAREL.

We see a series of ‘young, hip’
fashions: pants, tops and shoes.

VITA
Scrunches up her face.
Moves the mouse.
Examines the choices.

VITA
Okay. Time to keep up
with the cunt-dashians.
(beat)
I’ll take ‘fucking with the dark side’
for fifty, Alex --
(beat)
How about a pair of black skin-tight
low rider bell-bottoms --
even though I don’t have a huge ass --

ON THE SCREEN
She adds it to her shopping cart.

VITA
Looks at the screen.
Moves the mouse.

VITA
And how about a saucy little
midriff-baring top?
For that ‘hard to please’
flat chested gal.’
Eat your heart out
Taylor not-too-swift.
(beat)
Now for some shoes --

She clicks the mouse again.

ON THE SCREEN
A page of shoes appears.
Flats. High heels. Boots.

VITA (O.C.)
Black fabric ankle boots?
Bella Legosi’s alive after all --

VITA
Smiles. Fingers CLACK-CLACK
across the keyboard.

VITA
Because when the going gets tough --
the tough buy shit online.

She CLICKS the mouse.
PUNCHES ‘send.’

She gets up from the desk.
Goes to the window.
Looks out at Frankie’s house.

VITA
Watch out, Frankie Stein.
There’s a new archetype in town --