Ding Dong Bitch

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In Chapter 13 of THE HEISTERS, Kelsey meets with her gang to figure out a plan to try and find the money that was stolen from their bank job ...


INT. RONAN’S HOTEL ROOM - DAY
Blinds are drawn. A heavy haze
of smoke hangs in the air.

And the smell of sweat.
Desperation. Anger.

Everyone’s seated on the couch,
the floor, and all available chairs.

Becky puts a bowl of chips
and dip on the coffee table.

If you didn’t know better,
you’d think it was a party.

KASPER
(glares at Jefty)
But I still say how do we know
it wasn’t one of us?

RONAN
If YOU ripped off a million bucks,
would YOU still be in town?

JEFTY
(eyes Kasper)
I dunno.
If someone was doing a cross,
they would stick around.
A cover, you know --

KASPER
Fuck you.
I didn’t do it --

CHICK
(looks at Ludo)
Well, that WOULD be the perfect cover.
Steal the dough, then stay holed up
like the rest of us --

LUDO
(eyes Chick)
And maybe they had some HELP --

Pause.

CHICK
(eyes Ronan)
But then on the other hand,
some of us were alone the whole time --

RONAN
HEY. I fucking PUT THIS JOB TOGETHER.
You think I’m going to double cross
all of you?

LUDO
(shrugs)
Happens all the time --

KELSEY
ENOUGH, all of you.
I had the fucking money, I was
gone for TEN FUCKING MINUTES,
and nobody knew where I was except RONAN,
who I called right after the shit went down.
There’s NO WAY he could of have done it --
(sighs)
If we’re going to get the money back,
we’re going to have to work together,
and not BICKER like a bunch of
fucking school girls, GOT IT?
(off their stares)
Alright. It’s settled --
(beat)
Now, like I told you, Jackie Tempel
was stabbed through the neck
with a samurai sword he
had hanging over the bed.
That makes it a crime of passion,
so we’re looking for some chick
he was seeing -- and dumped.
Or cheated on.

LUDO
And how are we going to find HER?

Kelsey pulls out the kid’s cell.
Holds it up. Smiles.

KELSEY
I grabbed his phone.
And looking through all the names on it,
we’ve got ourselves a nice little list
of chickies.

CHICK
So what’s the plan, then?

KELSEY
We’ve got five names --
(beat)
I want each of you to check out
one of them. Tonight.

JEFTY
You want us to play ding-dong bitch?

LUDO
(suspicious)
What are you going to do?

KELSEY
I’m going to pay a little visit
to the homicide detective
in charge of the case.
See if there are any names
we don’t know about.

RONAN
But won’t that be -- dangerous?

KELSEY
Not a problem.
(beat)
Danger is my business --