Hair Trigger

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 20 of BABY HEISTER, Doc takes Kelsey on a road trip so they can bond ... and buy firearms for the armored car job.


EXT. BAKERSFIELD - ANTIQUE STORE - DAY
A sleepy, small town main street
with sparse traffic and few pedestrians
late morning on a weekday.

Doc’s truck parks in front of
an old, run-down looking joint.

INT. ANTIQUE STORE - DAY
Jammed with all kinds of old shit,
most of which looks pretty worthless.
The cobwebs have cobwebs.

STEIN (50’s), a round, balding,
grumpy-looking chap greets Doc and Kelsey.

SOLLY
Morning.
Lookin’ for anything in particular?

DOC
Antique model airplanes.
Got any?

SOLLY
(looks at Kelsey)
I might.

DOC
She’s okay.
My granddaughter.

SOLLY
Kinda young --

DOC
She’s flying with me.

He nods. Goes to the front door.
Locks it. Turns the sign around.

'Sorry, We’re Closed.'
Heads toward the back.

SOLLY
Follow me.

IN THE BASEMENT
Solly leads them down a flight
of rickety stairs to a small room,
walls lined with shelves
stuffed with old boxes,
making it seem smaller.
Floor covered with wooden crates.

SOLLY
What were you looking for?

DOC
I need three pieces.
Hoping you’d give me the group rate.

SOLLY
What’s the job?

DOC
Jacking a can.

He nods. Walks over to a shelf.
Grabs a vintage model airplane box.

Opens it. Pushes aside white tissue paper.
Pulls out a Smith & Wesson
three-fifty-seven magnum revolver.

SOLLY
(hands it to him)
This work?

DOC
(hefts it)
Oh, yeah.
(smiles, to Kelsey)
One bullet can take out an engine.
(to Solly)
You got two more just like this?

SOLLY
You bet.
Only used once, on the same job.
Five hundred each.

DOC
I’ll give you twelve-hundred.

SOLLY
Thirteen.
And I’ll throw in a box of ammo.
Holsters if you want ‘em.
(off his nod)
Wanna check it?

DOC
Yeah.
Then let’s see the other two.

Solly walks over to the middle of the room
where we see a circular drain grate.

He pulls it off, revealing dirt. Nods.
Turns. Gets another pair of boxes.

DOC
(to Kelsey)
Hold your ears.

Kelsey clamps her hands
on the sides of her head. Nods.

Doc walks over.
Points it into the dirt.

Takes aim. Fires. BANG.
Looks at the hole. Nods.
Hands the gun to her.

She takes it. Wide-eyed.
Smells the gun barrel.

Solly takes out the other two weapons.
Doc takes one. Examines it. Nods.
Then the other. Checks the site. Nods.

DOC
Looks good.

SOLLY
We’ve done business before.
If they’re just used for show,
I’ll buy ‘em back at half price.

DOC
I’ll let you know.

Solly nods.
Puts the guns back in their boxes.
Hands them to Kelsey,
who tries not to look
like a kid at Christmas.

Doc pulls out his money roll.
Counts it out. Hands it over.

DOC
Pleasure doing business.

SOLLY
The family that heists together,
stays together, huh?

DOC
Something like that.

All In The Family

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 19 of BABY HEISTER, Kelsey, Doc, Simon Rusty and Reno finalize their plans for the armored car hijacking at the diner: securing transportation, weapons and a getaway plan. Later that night, en route to getting their guns, Kelsey mourns the loss of her parents, killed trying to rob a bank ...


INT. DOC’S FARMHOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
The gang sits around the big table
eating a hearty breakfast.
Doc sits at the head, holding court.

DUSTY
I do believe she looked almost happy.

KELSEY
I thought she was gonna bust a gut
when you told her she’d have to
stay at the diner and meet us
later at her place.

DOC
She needs to stay and finish her shift.
Otherwise she’ll lead the cops right to us.

SIMON
And Freddie hangs out at the diner
to establish his alibi.

DOC
Yep. It’ll give us plenty of time
to split up the dough,
change the signs on the truck --
and more importantly,
prevent them from trying a cross.
(beat)
Okay. Job assignments.
Dusty, I need you to
get the crime scene mace,
then go see a guy I know
who’ll make the new signage.

He hands him a slip of paper.
Dusty takes it. Looks it over.
Nods. Sticks it in his pocket.

DUSTY
I’m on it.

KELSEY
What’s a mace?

DOC
A vehicle that’s not hot.
Has a clean chain-of-title with fake paperwork.
That way we can travel in it safely,
or in the case of the big truck,
leave it behind.
(to Reno)
Reno, can you get the big one?

RENO
Piece a cake.

DOC
Good. Don’t go nuts.
It can be a piece of shit.
We’re not keeping it.
(to Simon)
Simon.
I assume you can jack a set of wheels?

SIMON
We guarantee. In thirty minutes or less.

DOC
Make sure it’s fresh.
Get it the day of the job.
And nothing flashy.

SIMON
Okay. You figured out the parking maneuvers?

DOC
Yeah. We park the van to the right
of their spot and the car to the left.
When the first guy goes in, the car pulls out,
and then the big truck pulls into it’s place.

KELSEY
Why do the bit with the car?
Why not just park the big truck there right away?

DOC
If they start to pull in and see
they’re boxed in like that,
they might park somewhere else.

KELSEY
Right.
(beat)
So what am I gonna do?

DOC
You’re gonna come with me to get the guns.
Then we’ll stake out the diner.
Watch the can do it’s run.
Make sure it’s kosher.
Sound like a plan?

KELSEY
Works for me.

INT. DOC’S PICKUP TRUCK - MOVING - DAY
Kelsey’s behind the wheel. She looks at Doc.

KELSEY
Griff and Chelle never took me anywhere.
I was always left to fend for myself.

DOC
They were cowboys.
Never did the big jobs,
so they had to keep working.
That’s why when they tried to do one --

Pause.

KELSEY
Sometimes it feels like they’re up there
watching me, you know?

DOC
You’re wondering if they approve?

KELSEY
I dunno if 'approve' is the right word.

DOC
They loved you very much, Kelsey.

KELSEY
Sure had a funny way of showing it.
Everyone else I knew
called their parents 'mom and dad.'

Doc looks out the window. Deep in thought.

DOC
All families have secrets.
Ours are just a bit -- trickier.

Night Of The Living Heist

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 18 of BABY HEISTER, after checking out the location of the armored car heist, Kelsey, Doc and the rest of the gang meet again with Freddie Fingers and his diner waitress squeeze Tilly Sackler about their roles in the job ...


INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - MORNING
Doc and Kelsey sit on the couch
facing the fireplace.

Reno, Dusty and Simon sit in easy chairs.
Everyone looks tired. Sipping coffee.
Jo walks in with a fresh pot.

JO
It’s like Night Of The Living Heist in here.
Anybody want a refill?

DOC
Thanks, Jo.
The doorbell RINGS.

DOC
That’ll be The Bitch and the Pauper.

JO
I’ll get it.

She goes to the door. Opens it.
In walks Freddie and Tilly.

Looks pleased with himself.
Tilly looks angry. But tamed.

DOC
Freddie. Tilly.

JO
Y’all want some java?

They both nod.
Jo goes off to get them mugs.

DOC
So we checked out the diner --

FREDDIE
Already?

DOC
Yeah. Last night.
After we met with you.
(looks at Tilly)
Wanted to see if there
were any other problems.

Tilly narrows her eyes. Bristles. Jo appears.
Brings them mugs of coffee.
They take them.

Sit. Exchange glances.

FREDDIE
And -- what do you think?

DOC
We can do it.

FREDDIE
So what’s your plan?

DOC
Hold on.
First there’s the matter of the split.

FREDDIE
Wh-what do you mean?

DOC
We’re doing all the heavy lifting.
It’s now five shares instead of four.
(points at the gang)
They each get one. Kelsey and I split one,
and you two split one. Five shares.

TILLY
Now wait a MINUTE. This is MY JOB --

FREDDIE
I told you to SHUT THE FUCK UP.

TILLY
No, YOU shut the fuck up.

FREDDIE
THEY’RE doing all the goddamn WORK.
Yes, you came up with the job,
but you’re not a HEISTER.
You’re a fucking WAITRESS.

TILLY
(LEAPS up)
That’s it. I’m outta here.

FREDDIE
GODDAMMIT. LISTEN to me.

KELSEY
Excuse me. Tilly?
actually DO need your help.

TILLY
Y-you need my help?

DOC
Yeah. Sit down.
We'll tell you all about it.

A Chip Off The Old Crook

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 17 of BABY HEISTER, Kelsey, Doc, Simon, Dusty and Reno scope out the diner where the armored car parks en route to the drop off to see if the robbery will work ...


EXT. RUBY’S DINER - NIGHT
Your standard desert roadside diner
on the outskirts of town.

All but deserted at this hour.
A couple of cars and trucks are parked.

Only a few customers are
visible in the windows.

The SUV pulls into the parking area.
Slides into a space off to the side
facing the windows. Stops.

INT. SUV - NIGHT
Simon shuts off the engine.
Everyone looks at the diner.

DOC
I dunno.
All those windows.

RENO
Everybody on this side would see us.

DUSTY
Yeah.
There’s no way.

KELSEY
What if we parked a couple of
big trucks on each side of it?

DOC
The can?

KELSEY
Yeah.

DOC
Might work --
(beat)
What about the people inside?
How could we divert them
from seeing what was
happening out here?

Kelsey looks at the window.
Thinking.

IN THE WINDOW
A WAITRESS blocks off a section with
an AREA CLOSED FOR CLEANING floor sign.
Then starts mopping.

KELSEY’S
Eyes light up.
She points at the waitress.

KELSEY
Look. See what she’s doing?

Everyone turns and looks.

SIMON
That’s fucking brilliant.

KELSEY
We have Tilly mop the area
in front of the window.
Make sure there’s plenty
of ammonia in the water.
Everyone will sit FAR away.

DOC
You’re a chip off the old crook.

KELSEY
Takes on to know one.
(beat)
How about we get a piece of pie?

DOC
No can do.
Can’t be seen in there.
(to Simon)
C’mon. Let’s head back.

Simon starts up the engine.
Backs up the car.

DUSTY
What about an escape route?
t’s just a stretch of highway.
And I didn’t see any place
on the way we could hole up.

DOC
We need a vehicle no cop
would think of searching.

The SUV pulls out.
Heads back out onto the freeway.

SIMON
How about a school bus?

DOC
You’d have to have students in it.
Too complicated.

DUSTY
What about a roach coach?

DOC
Also too complicated.
All that food.

RENO
How about a manure truck?
NO cop would wanna get NEAR that.

DOC
And you would?

KELSEY
I got it.
A crime scene cleaning crew.
They’ve got those biohazard
stickers on ‘em.
NO ONE wants to see
what’s inside of THAT.

DOC
That’s fucking brilliant.

KELSEY
We have some other signage
for the first part of the job --
then after we jack the can
it comes off and becomes
the cleaning crew.

Dusty and Reno turn.
Look at Doc. Nod slowly.

Simon looks at her in
the rear view mirror. Grins.

SIMON
Looks like the apple didn’t fall
far from the scene of the crime --

Take The Money And Run

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Memorial Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 16 of BABY HEISTER, Kelsey, Doc, Reno and Dusty drive back from their meeting with Freddie Fingers and discuss the merits of his proposed armored car job. Meanwhile, undercover cop Ray Stark tails them from a distance ...


INT. SIMON’S SUV - NIGHT
Simon sits behind the wheel.
Doc rides shotgun.

The rest sit in the back.
Simon starts the car.

DUSTY
So what do you think?

DOC
I don’t like it.
The dame’s a wild card.
Just the type that might just
try to pull a cross.

RENO
I was thinking the same thing.
But if we’re one step ahead of her --

DOC
I’ve got half a mind to drive over there
right now and check it out.
Get it over with.

SIMON
Well, it IS cooler in the desert at night.

DOC
(turns around)
All in favor?

Everyone SHOOTS their hands up.
Kelsey’s eyes light up.

KELSEY
Road trip.

EXT. DESERT FREEWAY - NIGHT
The SUV drives into the night
among sparse traffic.

BEHIND THEM
We see that RAY’S CAR is tailing them.

INT. RAY’S CAR - NIGHT
The classic rock of The Steve Miller Band’s
TAKE THE MONEY AND RUN plays on the radio.
Ray takes a sip from a flask.

RAY
(sings along)
Billy Joe shot a man
while robbing his castle,
Bobbie Sue took the money and run --

INT. SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
Simon drives. Everyone looks pensive.
And a bit tired.

SIMON
We need gas.

RENO
I could go for some coffee.

KELSEY
I gotta pee.

DOC
There’s a gas station
coming up in a little bit.

DUSTY
(looks at Kelsey)
So you gotta boyfriend?

Kelsey’s head JERKS. She turns.
out the window.

DOC
Leave her personal life out of it.
She’s just another heister.

DUSTY
Sorry. Just makin’ conversation.

DOC
An eighteen-year-old woman’s love life
is NOT an appropriate topic of conversation
on a job. Got it?

DUSTY
Okay, okay --

EXT. GAS STATION / CONVENIENCE STORE - NIGHT
Simon fills the tank.
Kelsey comes out of the ladies’ room.

Doc walks up to her
with a pair of coffees.
Hands her one.

KELSEY
Thanks.

DOC
So how you holdin’ up?

KELSEY
(sips her coffee, shrugs)
Okay.

DOC
This part’s not so exciting, I know.

Kelsey opens her mouth to speak.
Then stops. Then --

KELSEY
This is gonna sound lame --

DOC
What?

KELSEY
(big smile)
This is like the family vacation
I never had.

Truck Stop Sally

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 15 of BABY HEISTER, Doc, Kelsey and the other heisters meet with Freddie Fingers about the armored car job, but Freddie's squeeze, diner waitress Tillie Sackler's bitchy attitude throws a monkey wrench in the works ...


EXT. DAIRY SHACK - NIGHT
Crickets CHIRP off
somewhere in the night air.
It’s still hot out.

The gang sits around a big picnic table
off to the side of the restaurant
eating ice cream.

NERVOUS GUY
It’s a piece a cake, I tell ya.

Meet FREDDIE FINGERS (50’s),
small, squirrelly.
Pockmarked face. Jug-like ears.

Wearing a suit that was
cool in the 70’s.
Blinking rapidly.
Rocking back and forth in his seat.

BITCHY WOMAN
Who are all the extra people?
You said it was a four-man job.

Meet TILLY SACKLER (40’s).
Once a near-beauty,
now a human cosmetics counter.

Dressed like a teenager in leggings
and a top a bit too small.
Newport dangling on frosted pink lips.

DOC
The name’s Doc.
I’m organizing the job.
(nods at Kelsey)
This here’s Kelsey.
My granddaughter.
She’s learning the ropes.
You don’t need to worry about her.

TILLY
(to Freddie)
What the fuck?
It’s OUR job --

FREDDIE
Calm down, Tilly.
Doc’s the best in the business.
He’s helping us out.
(nods at the others)
The other guys won’t do it
unless he gives the okay.
Got it?

TILLY
But what about the fucking GIRL?

DOC
(stands up)
See ya later, Freddie.

FREDDIE
No, wait, wait.
(to Tilly)
Tilly, you’re gonna fuck this up.
The girl is with him.
Chill out, okay?

TILLY
I don’t like it.
This ain’t kindergarten.

DOC
(to the rest)
Told you it was no good.
C’mon, let’s go.

The others start to get up.

FREDDIE
WAIT. WAIT.
(to Tilly)
Tilly, GODDAMMIT.
they go, there’s NO JOB. Got it?
There’s NO FUCKING JOB.
(off her stare)
You wanna work at a joint
called EAT the rest of your life?
(off her silence)
Well, DO you?

Pause.

TILLY
Sit down.

Doc looks at the others.
shrug. Nod. Sit back down.

FREDDIE
Okay, okay.
(to Doc)
So what’s the first step?

DOC
I need to scope out the joint.
Figure out what we need.

FREDDIE
Do you have any idea yet
how you’re gonna do it?

DOC
I didn’t say we were gonna do it yet.
Like I said, I gotta check it out.
If it looks bad, we walk.
No promises.

FREDDIE
But it’s a good one, Doc.
A real good one.

DOC
We’re professionals, Freddie.
That might not be a concept
you’re familiar with,
but professionals don’t
go off half-cocked.
They plan a job down to
the most minor detail.
That’s the reason I’ve
never been busted. Capiche?

FREDDIE
Yeah, sure, Doc. Sure.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry.

DOC
Good. We’ll swing by
the diner tomorrow.

He pulls a notepad out of his pocket.
Slides it over.

DOC
I’ll need directions.

FREDDIE
(nods, starts writing)
What time?

DOC
It’s best if you don’t know.
I’ll call you afterwards.
If it looks good,
we schedule another meeting.

TILLY
What do you mean IF it looks good?
It’s a piece of cake.

DOC
Knocking over an armored car is
NEVER a piece of cake.
If it WAS, you wouldn’t need US.

TILLY
I don’t think I like your tone.

DOC
Freddie, if you don’t
shut this skank up, I WILL.

TILLY
HEY --

FREDDIE
Tilly. Please.
You’re gonna fuck up the job,
and then we ain’t got nothin.’

TILLY
Alright, alright.
Keep your shirt on.
(to Doc)
Have to respect your elders.

DOC
You wouldn’t know respect if it
bit you on the cellulite.

Home Is Where The Heist Is

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 14 of BABY HEISTER, we discover that detective Ray Stark is evesdropping on Doc and Kesley's conversation in the kitchen about her learning how to be a heister. Then, later that night, wheelman Simon Leeds tries his luck at hitting on Kelsey ...


INT. DESERT PALMS MOTEL - RAY’S ROOM - NIGHT
Ray sits at the desk, which now has a
rack of electronic equipment set up.

Listening on headphones.
Smiles. Lights a cigarette.
Pours himself a tumbler full of scotch.

RAY
Thank you, Jesus.
(raises it in a toast)
Here’s eavesdropping at you, kid.

INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT
Kelsey and Doc lean against
the counter with fresh beers.

DOC
So what do you think?

KELSEY
Are you kidding?
It’s fucking cool.

DOC
I could tell by the
look on your face.
Soaking it all in.
(off her smile)
What part do you
see yourself in the game?
Muscle? Jugger? Driver?

KELSEY
I wanna do what you do.
Plan jobs. Be the boss.

DOC
You take after Chelle.

KELSEY
I thought Griff planned the jobs.

DOC
Oh, he thought he did.
(beat)
Cause Chelle let him.

Kelsey nods thoughtfully.
Sips her beer.

DOC
You sure you still wanna do this?
Once you’re in, there’s no going back.

KELSEY
I’ve never been more sure
of anything in my life.

Doc raises his bottle in a toast.
Kelsey raises hers --

DOC
Home is where the heist is.

And they CLINK.

EXT. DOC’S FARMHOUSE - FRONT PORCH - NIGHT
Kelsey sits out on the porch swing.
Smoking. Slowly rocking back and forth.

Looking at the night sky. Thinking.
Simon comes out.

Lights one up.
Looks at her.

SIMON
Hey.

KELSEY
Hey.

SIMON
Mind if I join you?

KELSEY
It’s a free country.

He walks over.
Sits next to her.

SIMON
So why do you wanna be a heister?
Good-looking bird like you?
You could have anything you wanted.

KELSEY
You’re a smart guy.
See if you can figure it out.

SIMON
Your parents?

KELSEY
He shoots, he scores.

SIMON
My father drove a lorry.

KELSEY
What’s a lorry?

SIMON
A truck.
Didn’t fancy doing that.

KELSEY
What made you come here?

SIMON
I heard the streets were
paved with beautiful girls.

The Job

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 13 of BABY HEISTER, it's a criminal master class when Kelsey gets to hang out with a group of heisters and learns all the details involved in planning an armored truck robbery.


INT. DOC’S FARMHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
The gang sits around the living room
on couches and chairs drinking bottles of beer.

Except for Jo, having coffee.
Kelsey looks around the room.
Trying to hide her excitement.

DOC
So tell me about the job.

DUSTY
Armored car heist. Palm Springs.

RENO
Real sweet.

SIMON
Fat and juicy.

DOC
Who’s the point person?

DUSTY
You remember Freddie Fingers?

DOC
Unfortunately. But I thought he
retired after that dust-up in Reno.

DUSTY
So did he. But he recently
shacked up with this waitress --

DOC
Don’t tell me. Some roadside diner?

DUSTY
Yeah. The job is her idea.
But it’s a good one. It can work.

DOC
I don’t like it.
(looks at Kelsey)
Freddie’s not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
And fucking the inside man
tends to cloud your judgment.
(looks at Dusty)
Tell me about the hash-slinger.

DUSTY
What’s there to tell? She’s a waitress.
Tired of serving tuna melts to
truckers for chump change.

DOC
Tell me about the can. What’s the gag?

DUSTY
It comes by once a week, same time exactly.
Always parks in the same place.
Three guards take turns going to the head.
Last one grabs coffees to go.
Then they split.

DOC
How long are they there?

DUSTY
Fifteen minutes, give or take.
And they always park in the same spot.
Always. Like fucking clockwork.

DOC
How much dough?

DUSTY
This is the beauty part.
Every Friday, they transfer cash to all
the local branches from the main bank --

RENO
You know, payday.

DOC
So it’s alot of cabbage.

RENO
Waitress says it’s gotta be at least a million.

DOC
What time?

DUSTY
Seven-AM.

DOC
Still not sure I like it.
I wanna meet the soup jockey.

DUSTY
We’re one step ahead of you.
Already set it up.

DOC
Okay.
(looks at Kelsey)
You never meet the people setting up
a job WHERE the job is.
You don’t want the locals
to remember seeing you.

KELSEY
Got it.

DOC
(to Dusty)
Escape route or hole up?

DUSTY
Not sure.
We’ll defer to your expertise.
Outlying area is kinda open.
The desert interstate kinda
narrows your options.

DOC
Gotcha.
(to Kelsey)
There are three ways to finish a job.
First is you grab the loot and take
a pre-arranged escape route that’s cool.
(beat)
Second is you hole up somewhere
until the heat dies down,
then split up the loot
and go your separate ways.

KELSEY
What’s the third?

DOC
Hide the loot, split,
then come back for it later.
Kinda tricky, but it’s good when
there’s not a good escape route
and no place to hole up.

Doc sips his beer. Eyes the men.

DOC
Who’s financing?

DUSTY
I am.

DOC
YOU are.

DUSTY
I need the job, Doc.
Had a bad run in Atlantic City.

DOC
(to Kelsey)
Every job has expenses. Transportation.
Weapons. Food and lodging.
And sometimes you need tech stuff,
explosives, whatnot.
(beat)
Usually you get an outside
financier to put up the dough.
They either get double it back,
or a percentage.
That’s the way I like to do it.
That way, nobody has
more at stake than the others.
(looks at Dusty)
But some people aren’t good at
managing their money between jobs.
(to Dusty)
You asking ace shares?

DUSTY
Nah. Even split all around. Four shares.

DOC
You ARE desperate.

KELSEY
Ace shares means more money --

DOC
Yeah.
(to Reno)
What’s your situation?

RENO
I’m cool. Gone through about
half the scratch from my last job.
Don’t like my reserves to get below that --
(shrugs)
It’s a good job, Doc. You’ll see.

DOC
(nods at Simon)
And you two vouch for Jason Statham here?

DUSTY
Yeah. We’ve both worked with him.
Best wheelman I’ve ever seen.

RENO
Precision driver.

DOC
(to Simon)
Where’d you learn to drive so well?

DUSTY
Don’t you follow NASCAR?
Kid’s been in the country six months.
Already won five races.

SIMON
You make me blush.

Doc nods slowly. Sips his beer. Eyes them.

DOC
When do we meet Freddie Fingers
and Truck Stop Sally?

DUSTY
In a couple hours.
Told ‘em to meet us at the Dairy Shack.
We can sit outside. Have some privacy.

PUSH IN ON Kelsey’s face. Excited.

KELSEY
And ice cream --

One Lucky Frill

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 12 of BABY HEISTER, after Doc puts Kelsey through a grueling physical regimen as part of her 'bank robber training,' he has a big surprise for her: dinner with a group of professional heisters.


INT. BARN - DAY - IN MONTAGE
Kelsey does a series of exercises.
Jumping rope. Push ups. Pull ups.
Jumping Jacks. Climbing a rope. Boxing.

Doc holds the punching bag as Kelsey
SLAMS IT with boxing gloves.
THUMP-THUMP-THUMP-THUMP.

She’s drenched in sweat.
Looks fierce. Like a warrior.
Doc BLOWS a whistle.

DOC
That’s enough for now.
Don’t wanna kill you.
(beat)
Yet.

Kelsey nods. Out of breath.
Doc checks his watch.

DOC
Let’s go get some supper.
Get somethin’ in yer belly.

INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
A big spread has been laid out on table.
Burgers. Fried chicken. Pasta salad.
Mashed potatoes. The works.

Eves have been added to the table
so that more people can sit.

Jo is finishing setting
place settings for six people.

Doc and Kelsey walk in,
see the culinary explosion.

DOC
A meal fit for a king.

KELSEY
Why the extra chairs?

DOC
We’re expecting company. Sit. Dig in.

Kelsey sits. Grabs a chicken leg.
Starts chewing. Starving.

KELSEY
What kind of company?

DOC
Surprise.

The doorbell RINGS.
Jo starts for the door.

JO
I’ll get it. Sit.

Doc nods. Takes a chair.
Starts filling his plate.

INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - FRONT DOOR - DAY
Jo opens the front door.
Revealing three HEISTERS, grinning.

RENO BLACK (30’s)
a stocky fireplug of gruffness nods.

RENO
We’re here for the free meal.

DUSTY VEGA (40’s), dark and slick,
a poor man’s Al Pacino nudges him.
Chewing on a toothpick.

DUSTY
You know Reno.
If food were the food of love,
he’d eat on.

SIMON LEEDS (20’s), tall and thin,
the rockabilly version
of Jonathan Rhys-Meyers
shakes his head with
mock-embarrassment.

SIMON
Please pardon the
lowlife criminal element.
I’m embarrassed to be
seen in their company,
I’m afraid I have bills to pay.

JO
(charmed)
I don’t think we’ve met --

Simon takes her hand. Kisses it.

SIMON
Simon Leeds, at your service.

INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER
Everyone sits around the table chowing down.
Kelsey keeps sneaking glances at Simon.
Smitten, but hiding it. Sort of.

DOC
Kelsey here is learning
how to be a heister.

RENO
And YOU’RE teaching her?
(to Kelsey)
He’s the master.
You’re one lucky frill.

KELSEY
What’s a frill?

JO
Dame. Doll.

DOC
Broad. Bim.

RENO
Chippy. Chick.

DUSTY
Frail. Floozy.

SIMON
Twist. Tomato.

Kelsey BURSTS into laughter.

KELSEY
'Tomato?'

SIMON
We have our own patois,
like any other subculture.

DUSTY
(to Doc)
So -- is it okay to talk about the job --
with her at the table?

DOC
Yep. In fact, I’d like her
to be in on the job.

DUSTY
I’m not sure that’s such a --

DOC
I know what you’re thinking,
but hear me out.
She’s my kin.
We can trust her.

RENO
That’s true, but --

DOC
Think of it as on-the-job training.
I’d like her to observe every aspect
of planning the heist --
she just won’t DO the heist.

DUSTY
Highly unusual.

RENO
Well, if she’s not doing the job,
what could it hurt?

SIMON
He’s got a point.
(winks at Kelsey)
Be kinda fun to teach
a baby heister.

PUSH IN ON Kelsey’s face.
Blushing a deep red.

KELSEY
'Baby heister?'

Way Of The Gun

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 11 of BABY HEISTER, Doc starts training Kelsey on how to rob banks, but neither one of them notice they're being watched by undercover cop Ray Stark ...


EXT. RANCH - DIRT ROAD - DAY
The chainsaw-psychobilly zombie-foot-stomp
of Horrorpops’ THELMA AND LOUISE over --

Kelsey. Listening to the song on her I-pod.
RUNNING on the side of the road.

Pumping like a demon in the blistering heat.
Shorts and T-shirt soaked in sweat.
Fierce. Determined.

She passes a row of crops. A big, old barn.
Runs past a pond. A guy on a tractor, who HONKS.

Hits the front drive. Runs up to Doc.
Standing on the front porch, holding a stop watch.

She stops. Tries to catch her breath.
He hands her a canteen. Drinks greedily.
Then pours it over her head.

DOC
Not bad. Five minutes.
Pretty soon we’ll get it down to four.

KELSEY
You trying to kill me?

DOC
When the shit comes down,
you gotta be able to MOVE.
Heisting isn’t just fast cars
and big guns, girlie-girl.

KELSEY
Speaking of guns, when do I get to --

DOC
After breakfast. C’mon. Let’s go chow down.

INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
Kelsey and Doc sit at the rustic, wooden table.
Jo serves them a big meal of flapjacks,
eggs, toast, bacon and sausage.

Then sits and joins them.
Kelsey starts wolfing it down.

DOC
This looks great, Jo.

KELSEY
(mouth full)
Yeah, Jo --

JO
Don’t talk with your mouth full, Kelsey.
It’s not ladylike.

KELSEY
(swallows)
Sorry.

DOC
Okay. First lesson. Planning the heist.
(off Kelsey’s look)
Planning the job is the most important part.
If it smells bad, you walk away.
If it looks good, then you plan it out
to the smallest detail.
(beat)
Then you assemble your team -- the string.
You only work with people
you’ve worked with before,
or people your colleagues can vouch for
cause they’ve worked with ‘em.
You NEVER work with someone nobody knows. Ever.

JO
Except for the inside man, of course.

DOC
I was gettin’ to that.
(to Kelsey)
The inside man is someone who works
at the joint you’re gonna to knock over.
They usually come to you with the job.
Once in a blue moon you approach them,
if you’ve got something on ‘em.
(smiles)
I met Jo when she was the inside man on a job.

KELSEY
I didn’t know that. What was the job?

JO
Coin convention.
I was the roper on a long con
involving one of the dealers,
and then realized you could
take the whole shebang.

DOC
She noticed I was casing the joint --

PUSH IN ON Jo’s face.
Eyes dancing with delight.

JO
And the rest is history.

EXT. RANCH - FIELD - DAY
Kelsey and Doc stand about
fifty feet away from a wooden fence.

A row of empty beer bottles
have been placed on top of it.

Kelsey holds a Glock in her right hand.
Takes aim.

DOC
Move your feet.
They should be shoulder-width apart.

KELSEY
Okay --

She makes the adjustment.

DOC
Now put your right foot out a little bit.
(off her look)
You’re right-handed.

Kelsey nods. Moves it.

DOC
When you take aim,
close your left eye a little bit.

KELSEY
Okay.

DOC
And make sure your arm
is almost completely straight.
(watches her do it)
Now lean forward a little bit.

She does. Doc nods.

DOC
Let ‘er rip.

Kelsey FIRES, BANG.
The bullet goes WHIZZING above the bottle. THWIP.

It FLIES through foliage behind the fence.
The recoil makes her JUMP. She rubs her wrist.

KELSEY
Ow.

DOC
Got quite a kick, huh?
Better use a two-handed grip
until you get used to it.

Kelsey puts her left hand around her right.
Grips it tightly.

DOC
That’s right. Just like in the movies.
(watches)
Make sure both thumbs point forward.
(beat)
Yeah. Like that. And hold it tight.

She takes aim. FIRES. BANG.
The bullet WHIZZES into the air.

KELSEY
Damn.

DOC
Relax. Take a deep breath.
Don’t pull the trigger. Squeeze it.
Think of it like an extension of your hand.
Squeeze it so slowly that you’re
surprised when it goes off.
(off her nod)
Take your time. Deep breath.

Kelsey takes a deep breath. Exhales.
Aims at a bottle. FIRES. BANG.
It HITS the fence. PING. Wood FLIES OFF.

KELSEY
SHIT.

DOC
No, you’re doin’ good --
(beat)
Make sure the front sight is aligned
in the notch of the back sight --
so that the top of the front is level
with the top of the back. Got it?
(off her nod)
Now focus on the front sight
and aim at the target.

Kelsey concentrates. Moves the gun slightly.

DOC
Take a deep breath -- and when you exhale, squeeze.

She takes a bead on a bottle. Her body relaxes.
Takes a deep breath -- and FIRES. BANG.
The bottle EXPLODES. Glass goes FLYING.

KELSEY
God-DAMMIT.

DOC
How do you feel?

KELSEY
Like coming home.

EXT. COUNTRY ROAD - DAY
A black SUV is parked on the shoulder.

INT. SUV - DAY
Seated behind the wheel is Ray Stark.
Looking through a pair of binoculars.
He puts them down. Smiles.

RAY
Looks like the little girl can shoot --

Big, Bad Wolf

Hey there, crime kids. TGIF. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 10 of BABY HEISTER, after getting kicked out of school and killing her new boss's son, Doc finally relents and decides to teach Kelsey how to rob banks. Meanwhile, we discover that dark-haired stranger Ray Stark is actually an undercover cop, hot on Doc's trail ...


EXT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - FRONT PORCH - NIGHT
Crickets CHIRP in the background.
The wind RUSTLES through the trees.
The front yard looks ghostly in the moonlight.

Doc and Kelsey sit on the porch
with bottles of beer.

KELSEY
I keep seeing it happen over
and over again in my head.

DOC
It’ll go away after awhile.
It’ll happen less and less,
then just go away.
(beat)
Most of the time.

KELSEY
You ever killed someone?

DOC
Once.

KELSEY
What happened?

DOC
Fool kid tried a cross,
thought he could take the entire haul.
Was MUCH more careful about
who I worked with after that.

KELSEY
I didn’t even think.
I saw him, grabbed the gun -- and --

She sighs. Shakes her head.
Reliving it again. Sips her beer.

DOC
You know I care about you
like you were my own daughter, right?

KELSEY
I guess so.

DOC
I can’t believe I’m gonna say this --

KELSEY
What.
(realizes)
You MEAN?

DOC
Still wanna be a heister?

KELSEY
Hell, yeah.

DOC
Then I guess we better get some shut-eye.
Tomorrow’s gonna be a big day.
Got alot to teach ya.

Kelsey LEAPS UP out of her chair.
Goes to Doc. HUGS him.

KELSEY
Ohmigod, THANK YOU, Doc. I LOVE YOU.
(beat)
OHMIGOD. OHMIGOD.

DOC
Calm down, calm down.
Heisters don’t squeal like little girls.

KELSEY
What made you change your mind?

DOC
Well, you got kicked out of school the first day.
Fucked up your job the first day.
(beat)
But the way you handled that shotgun tonight?
Guess some things were just meant to be.

EXT. DESERT PALMS MOTEL - NIGHT
One of those old, ramshackle affairs
that were built back when
people still cared about character.

Flashing neon sign reads VACANCY.
COMPLETE COMFORT. POOL. FREE HBO.

INT. MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
A sea of knotty pine and desert motif.
Ray lies in bed fully-dressed watching
an old black and white movie on TV.

Smoking. Sipping a bottle of beer.
The phone RINGS. He answers it.

RAY
Hello?

INTERCUT WITH:
INT. LOS ANGELES POLICE HEADQUARTERS - OFFICE - NIGHT
The small, dimly-lit office of an overworked,
underpaid robbery/homicide detective.

Piles of paperwork. File folders.
Document boxes on the floor.
Empty pizza box on a chair.

A tall, grey-haired COP
leans back in his chair,
talks on the phone.

Meet DARRYL ROOKER (40’s), fit.
In shape. Looks agitated.

Head of the special
‘Hazard Family’ task force.

DARRYL
It’s Rooker. You sniff out anything?

RAY
Not yet. The old man’s real slick.
Doesn’t trust me.

DARRYL
Why doesn’t that surprise me?

RAY
But I’ve gotta way to get close.
His granddaughter is staying with him.
Griff and Chelle’s kid.
(chuckles)
Wants to be heister.

DARRYL
No shit.

RAY
Yeah. Guess the apple doesn’t
fall far from the bank job.

DARRYL
How old?

RAY
Eighteen.

DARRYL
Hot?

RAY
Smokin.’

DARRYL
Careful. Keep your dick in your --

RAY
Don’t worry. I’m not gonna fuck her.
I’m gonna USE her. Get this --
she wants to be a heister,
but grandpa doesn’t wanna teach her.
So I offered to.

DARRYL
Watch out. You’re playing with fire.

RAY
But I gotta get close --

DARRYL
Yeah. But not TOO close.
They smell a rat, and you’re history.
Doc Hazard is a legend. Never been busted,
and he didn’t get that way by letting
an undercover dick get too close.

RAY
Don’t worry. I’m being careful.

DARRYL
And stay away from the granddaughter.

RAY
From your lips to God’s ears.

They hang up.
Ray takes a sip of beer. Smiles.

RAY
Better watch out, little girl.
The big, bad wolf’s in town.

Breaking Bad

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 9 of BABY HEISTER, Kelsey starts her first day working at the local convenience store, but things quickly turn violent when a store owner's kid tries to rob the joint hopped up on meth ...


INT. STOP N’ GULP - DAY
Kelsey sits behind the counter.
Verne stands nearby showing her the ropes.
Beyond excited. Pointing out stuff.

VERNE
Now over there’s the baseball bat,
an over there’s the shotgun.

KELSEY
A SHOTGUN? Nice.

VERNE
You know how to handle one?

KELSEY
Of course.

VERNE
And remember, you don’t know
the combination to the safe.

KELSEY
You didn’t give it to me.

VERNE
I mean, in case someone tries to rob you.

Kelsey nods. Blank stare.

VERNE
Well, that’s about it.
I’m gonna go to the bank, make a deposit.
(meaningfully)
I’ll come back and check on you later.

KELSEY
Gee. Can’t wait.

VERNE
I was thinkin’ -- when your shift ends,
how bout you and I gettin’ a bite to eat?

KELSEY
Oh, gosh. I can’t. I’m busy. Sorry.

VERNE
Another time. See ya later.

He tips his cap. Walks out the door.
The bell over the door JINGLES as he leaves.
Kelsey sighs. Lights up a smoke.

KELSEY
Thank fucking GOD.
(imitates him)
How bout you and I gettin’ a bite to eat?
In your dreams, fat ass.

The bell JINGLES. In walks Ray.
He sees Kelsey. Big grin.

RAY
Well, what have we got here?

KELSEY
Hey.

RAY
They let you smoke in here?

KELSEY
What does it look like?

He shakes his head. Goes to the cooler.
Pulls out a twelve-pack of cheap beer.

Grabs some Slim Jims.
Brings them over to the counter.
Kelsey starts ringing them up.

RAY
You like working here?

KELSEY
What do YOU think?

RAY
Guess beggars can’t be choosers.

KELSEY
(looks at the register)
That’ll be twelve-fifty-three.

RAY
(hands her a bill)
Do any more thinking about my offer?

KELSEY
(takes it, counts out his change)
Doc told me to stay away from you.
Says you can’t be trusted.

RAY
You always do everything Doc tells you?

She stares at him. Narrows her eyes.

KELSEY
Depends.

RAY
Ever shot a gun?
(off her blank stare)
Wanna learn?

KELSEY
(faint smile)
Hell, yeah --

RAY
What time you get off work?

KELSEY
Midnight.

The bell JINGLES. In walks Doc.

DOC
Thought I’d come by and see how --
(sees Ray)
I thought I told you to STAY AWAY FROM HER.

RAY
Hey. I was just getting some beer.
I didn’t know she was --

DOC
Get the fuck out of here.
If I see you sniffin’ around her again,
there’ll be HELL to pay. You HEAR me?

OUTSIDE IN THE PARKING LOT
A shitty, beat-up puke green Dodge Dart Swinger
ROARS into the lot. SCREECHES to a stop.

IN THE CAR
Sits a jittery young LOCAL KID (17),
all hopped up on meth. Been up for days.

He pulls out a snifter. SNORTS a bump.
Then another. Finishes a can of beer. CRUMPLES it.

Pulls out a small, shitty GUN.
Reaches up under his cowboy hat.
Pulls down a stocking over his face.

IN THE STORE
Doc gets in Ray’s face.

RAY
What are you gonna do, old man? Hit me?

DOC
I tried asking you nicely.

The door BANGS OPEN. In walks Meth Kid.
Sees Doc and Ray. Starts waving the gun around.

METH KID
Everybody ON THE FLOOR. This is a ROBBERY.

Doc and Ray raise their hands.

RAY
Okay, okay. Just don’t hurt anybody --

METH KID
I said DOWN ON THE FLOOR, NOW. DO IT. DO IT. NOW.

DOC
Easy now --

Doc and Ray start to get down -- and BANG.
Meth Kid’s head EXPLODES IN A RED MIST.
Blood and brains SPRAY the ATM.

KELSEY
Stands behind the counter. Holding the shotgun.
Surprised. Quivering with adrenaline.
Staring at the body. In shock.

KELSEY
(whispers)
Holy shit.

DOC
You okay?

KELSEY
Okay?

RAY
She’s a natural.

DOC
Shut up.

The door JINGLES.
In walks a SHERIFF’S DEPUTY. (20’s),
young, eager, a buzz-cut local kid.
The polar opposite of Meth.

BUZZ-CUT DEPUTY
(sees the body)
What the HELL?

DOC
Officer. That man was trying to rob the store.
(nods at Kelsey)
And Kelsey here stopped him.

BUZZ-CUT DEPUTY
Well done, little lady.
(bends over, looks at the body)
Well, I’ll be. That’s Verne’s kid.

KELSEY
The OWNER?

DOC
What the hell?

BUZZ-CUT DEPUTY
Yeah. Verne reported him missing a few days ago.
Was on another binge.
(shakes his head)
Breaking Bad again --

Crazy As A Fox

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 8 of BABY HEISTER, after getting expelled from school from breaking the football captain's nose and cursing out the principal, Doc makes her get a job to keep her out of trouble ... at the local Stop N' Gulp convenience store ...


INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY
Doc stares at Kelsey. Pointing at her.
Livid. Beyond upset.

DOC
God-DAMMIT, Kelsey.
How could you get expelled
ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL?

KELSEY
I told you.
It was self-defense.

DOC
You broke the kid’s NOSE.

KELSEY
He shoved me UP AGAINST A WALL.
Called me a CUNT.

DOC
Then you cursed out THE PRINCIPAL.
What the fuck, Kelsey?
What were you THINKING?

KELSEY
I told you.
I don’t WANNA go to school.
I don’t BELONG there.
I wanna be a HEISTER.

DOC
We’ve already discussed this.

KELSEY
If YOU won’t teach me,
I found someone who WILL.

DOC
Oh? And who is that?

KELSEY
Ray Stark, that guy at the wake.
Saw him again at
The Lounge last night.
Nice guy.
Offered to help me out.

DOC
I don’t trust him.
There’s something fishy about him.
Nobody at the funeral knew him.
I want you to stay away.

KELSEY
What if I say no?

DOC
If you’re gonna live in MY house,
you stay away from him --
and get a JOB.

KELSEY
A JOB?

DOC
Well, if you’re not gonna go to school,
you’re gonna have to do SOMETHING.

KELSEY
What kinda job can I get around HERE?

DOC
Drove by The Stop N’ Gulp today.
Saw a Help Wanted sign.

KELSEY
The Stop N’ Gulp?
Are you fucking CRAZY?

DOC
Crazy as a fox, Kelsey.
(beat)
Crazy as a fox.

EXT. GAS STATION / CONVENIENCE STORE - DAY
A local filling station just off the freeway.
Been around forever, and looks it.

But the Stop N’ Gulp
next to it is a fairly new.
A sign reads TWO FOR ONE BURRITOS.

Doc’s pickup drives in.
Parks in space right in front.

Kelsey gets out.
Looks at it with disgust. Walks in.

INT. STOP N’ GULP - DAY
Some sappy country-and-western song
plays on an ancient boom box
behind the counter.

The usual rows of junk food.
Beer and soda behind glass cases.
Slurpee machine.

Tiny, shitty microwave for heating up shit.
A small fan pushes around the fetid air.

Sitting behind the counter
is VERNE (60’s), the manager.

Good ol’ boy from Louisiana.
Round, pleasant face. Big gut.

Right now he’s reading a girlie magazine.
Eyes filled with lust.

A bell on the door JINGLES.
Kelsey walks in.

Walks up to the counter.
Leans against it.
Lowers her shades.

KELSEY
I’m here about the job.

Verne looks up. Holy shit.
He stares at her chest.

VERNE
Ever work in a convenience store?

KELSEY
Nope.

VERNE
Ever work a register?

KELSEY
I can learn.
How hard can it be?

VERNE
You’re hired.

School Daze

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 7 of BABY HEISTER, Kelsey attends her first day at her new high school, per her grandfather's orders, but when a bully starts fucking with her, he gets a painful lesson about trying to fuck with her ...


EXT. CHAPARRAL HIGH SCHOOL - DAY
Blinding bright sunlight.
Gorgeous mountains in the background.

A quaint, Spanish mission-style
building on well-tended grounds.
The exact opposite of ‘urban.’

STUDENTS stream into the building, excited,
chattering with each other on
the first day of the new school year.

They’re mostly fresh-scrubbed
crunchy-granola types.

Kelsey appears at end of the walkway.
Looks out of place in her motorcycle jacket,
black jeans and boots.

She sighs. Stomps out her smoke.
Starts walking toward the building.

INT. CLASSROOM - DAY
A bright, nicely appointed classroom
filled with kids.

WELCOME BACK is written on the green blackboard
in white chalk in perfect cursive lettering. An omen.

MRS. POTTS (50’s), the teacher,
is a plump earth mother of the desert.

And she’s got the Native American
jewelry to prove it.

Not to mention the ‘dream catcher’
earrings.

MRS. POTTS
Good MORNING, class.
Welcome back to Chaparral High.
I know you’re all really excited
to be back for your senior year --

The door BANGS OPEN. In walks Kelsey.
Sullen. Still wearing her shades.

She walks over.
Hands Mrs. Potts a slip of paper.

MRS. POTTS
(reads it)
Ah, yes --
(to the class)
Everyone, this is Kelsey Hazard.
She’s just transferred here from Venice Beach.
I hope you’ll all make her feel real welcome.
(to Kelsey)
Why don’t you find a desk and
make yourself comfortable, Kelsey.

She nods. Starts walking toward
the back of the classroom.

A PAIR OF JOCKS
Watch her. Whisper to each other. Snickering.
One of them sticks his leg out to trip her.

KELSEY
Sees it out of the corner of her eye.
Approaches his desk.

STEPS on his foot with her steel-toed boot.
LINGERS a moment.

RED-FACED JOCK
OW.

KELSEY
Whoops. Sorry.
You should be more careful.
Someone could get HURT.

She PRESSES her full weight down, steps off,
and walks to an empty desk. Sits. Smirking.
Mrs. Potts sees this. Gets upset.

MRS. POTTS
Johnny Rodman.
Is that any way to greet a new student?
Shame on you. Apologize to Kelsey, RIGHT NOW.

JOHNNY
(sarcastic)
Sorry, Kelsey.

KELSEY
(under her breath)
Not half as sorry as you’re gonna be
if you fuck with me again.

MRS. POTTS
What was that, Kelsey? I didn’t hear you.

KELSEY
I SAID -- not half as sorry as you’re
gonna be if you FUCK with me again.
(beat)
He tried to fucking TRIP me.
What kinda bullshit is that?

MRS. POTTS
I don’t know what kind of language
you got away with at Venice High,
but NOBODY talks like that in MY classroom.
Do you understand?

Kelsey nods. Gives her a salute.

KELSEY
Won’t happen again.
(whispers)
Bitch.

A couple of BLAND-LOOKING CHEERLEADER TYPES
lean over. Whisper to each other.
Sniff disapprovingly.

MRS. POTTS
Very well.
(takes a breath)
Okay. Homework assignment.
I’d like you all to write an essay tonight
about what you did on your summer vacation.
And then tomorrow you’ll read them aloud
in front of the class.
(beat)
Doesn’t that sound like FUN?

INT. HIGH SCHOOL CORRIDOR - DAY
Kelsey walks down the corridor weaving in
and out of the stream of students.

Johnny Rodman and his HULKING FRIEND
appear in front of her. He SHOVES her.

JOHNNY
What the FUCK were you trying to pull?
Do you know who the FUCK I am?

KELSEY
(calm, cool)
Judging by your limited brain power, your attire --
and the fact that you’re a rude fuck,
I’d say you’re REALLY popular,
maybe even the football captain.

JOHNNY
Uh, yeah --

KELSEY
So let’s make a deal.
You stay the FUCK outta my face,
and I won’t fuck with yours.

HULKING BRUISER
Are you gonna let her GET AWAY with that?

A small crowd of students starts
forming around them.

JOHNNY
WHAT did you say to me?

KELSEY
You heard me.

Johnny GRABS her.
SHOVES her up against a locker.

JOHNNY
NOBODY talks to me like that,
you fucking CUNT. GOT IT?

Kelsey sighs. Shakes her head sadly.

KELSEY
I warned you --

She grabs his hands, THROWS them off her --
then, almost faster than you can see,
she RABBIT-PUNCHES him in the face, SMACK.

He weaves a little.
Blood starts GUSHING out his nose.

JOHNNY
Uh --
Kelsey then POUNDS him in the stomach
with a left, then a right.

He DOUBLES OVER in pain.
She reaches over. GRABS his hair.
Lifts his head. Looks him in the eye --

KELSEY
Hold on. Not quite done yet.

And KNEES him in the crotch.
He SQUEALS like an animal.

DROPS TO HIS KNEES. Kelsey turns.
Looks at his friend.

KELSEY
You want some?
HULKING BRUISER
Uh, no -- no.
(sees something)
Shit.

Just then THE PRINCIPAL (40’s) appears.
A really big fella. Beyond pissed off.
Face beet-red with suburban indignation.

PRINCIPAL
What’s going ON here?

KELSEY
What does it look like?
He was fucking with me,
so I fucked with him.

PRINCIPAL
There is NO FIGHTING in MY SCHOOL.
I want to see both of you
in my office, RIGHT NOW.

KELSEY
(under her breath)
Class dismissed.

Have Robbery, Will Travel

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 6 of BABY HEISTER, Kelsey gets into an argument with Doc because he doesn't want her to become a bank robber like her parents. She then storms out into the night and heads over to the local dive bar, where she runs into Ray Stark, the mysterious stranger she met at her parents' wake ...


INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Doc sits in ‘his chair.’
Kelsey sits on the couch, next to Jo, asleep.
They’re watching a movie on TV, eating popcorn.

ON THE SCREEN
We see a scene from
Stanley Kubrick’s THE KILLING.

A gang of MASKED THUGS
are robbing a race track.

Then, a station break.
Some LOCAL CAR SALESMAN comes on,
hawking prices 'nobody can beat.'

KELSEY
Looks at Doc.

KELSEY
So how come you don’t want me
to be in the family business?

DOC
It’s a hard life, Kelsey.
It’s no place for a young woman.

KELSEY
But what if it’s what I wanna DO?
(off his look)
Nothing you can say is
gonna make me change my mind.

DOC
Oh, is that right?
What about what happened
to your parents?

KELSEY
They were careless. I’ll be smart.
It’s in my blood, Doc. My DNA.
If I had to be cooped up in an office
doing some meaningless shit,
I’d fucking shoot myself.

DOC
You think it’s noble, cool --
like in those books you read.
But it’s not. It’s a living hell.
I still have to watch my back.
Even though I'm retired,
there's always a chance someone
will turn up from the
past and cause trouble.
Someone who thinks
they got a raw deal --
or wants to steal my stake.
And then there's the law.
Any day now some cop
could come snooping around --
and I’ve gotta live with that
the rest of my life,
always looking over my shoulder.

KELSEY
But if you did it
my PARENTS did it, why can’t --

DOC
Because I’m your legal guardian now,
and while you’re living in MY HOUSE,
you’re gonna go back to school
and get your degree. Tomorrow morning
Jo is taking you to school
and get you registered.
I want you to have the chance
that none of us had. GOT it?

KELSEY
But I don’t wanna DO that.
It’s not FAIR.

DOC
FAIR? LIFE isn’t fair.
Griff and Chelle are DEAD. Is THAT fair?
(looks at the TV)
Now hush up. Movie’s coming back on.

Kelsey scowls. Face a dark cloud.

EXT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - NIGHT
The house and the yard look spooky.
Ethereal in the moonlight.

A harsh desert wind
whips through the yard.

The front door OPENS.
Out comes Kelsey.

Rakish in her usual uniform.
This time with a slash of red on her mouth.

She walks over to Doc’s pickup truck.
Gets in. Drives off.

EXT. DIVE BAR - NIGHT
The kinda joint only the locals hang out at.
A row of motorcycles gleam ominously
under the dirty, old neon sign that reads LOUNGE.
Faint music bleeds out from within.

Doc’s pickup pulls in.
Finds a space. Kelsey gets out.

SLAMS the door.
Saunters toward the entrance.

INT. DIVE BAR - NIGHT
Dark and smoky. The kinda place
your momma warned you about.

BLUE COLLAR WORKERS, BIKERS
and other assorted riffraff.

A pair of BRUISERS play pool.
Kinda quiet on a Sunday night.

Kelsey sidles up to the bar.
Slides onto a stool.

The FREAKISHLY LARGE BARTENDER
spies her. Comes over.
Smiles. Not a pretty sight.

FREAKISHLY LARGE BARTENDER
Whataya have?

KELSEY
Double shot of Kessler’s. Heinekin back.

He nods. Turns to get her poison.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
I figured you’d be more of a
Jack and Bud kinda gal.

Kelsey, turns, sees --

RAY STARK
Sitting on the stool next to her.
Nursing a tumbler of scotch.

Eyes twinkling with mischief.
Or danger. Maybe both.

KELSEY
You’re the guy from the wake.

Freakishly Large serves her drink.
She slide over a bill.

He SNAPS it up in a meaty paw.
Lumbers over to the register.

RAY
'The guy from the wake.' Wow.
Nice to know I’m that memorable.

KELSEY
So I forgot your name.
Well, I’m SORRY, but when you
just went to your parents’ FUNERAL,
sometimes your MEMORY’S not so GOOD.

She grabs her shot glass.
POUNDS it. Grabs her beer.

Takes a big gulp. Turns around,
facing the other direction.

RAY
Hey, I’m sorry.
I was just busting your chops.
You had a stressful day.
Probably met a lot of corny,
old colorful criminal types.
I’d be cranky, too.

Kelsey turns back.
Narrows her eyes.
Is this guy for real?

RAY
Let me buy you a round.
Make it up to you.
No hard feelings?
(raises his drink, low)
One heister to another --

Her eyes flicker.

KELSEY
Okay.
(trying to be casual)
So you used to work with my parents?

Ray motions to the bartender
for another round.

Pulls out a pack of smokes.
Lights one up with a CLICK of his Zippo.

RAY
Long time ago.
When they were first starting out.
Did a couple jobs with them.

KELSEY
Wow. Cool.

RAY
First and only time I worked
with a married couple --

KELSEY
What were they like to work with?

RAY
Total pros. Cool as cucumbers.
(sips his drink)
Is it true they never got caught --
until the last job?

KELSEY
Yeah. My grandfather, too.
(sips her beer)
He’s retired now.
But I guess you knew that.

RAY
(nods)
So I guess you’re now living with him --

KELSEY
Yeah. And it fucking sucks.
I asked him to teach me, but he refused.
He’s making me finish school.
I’d rather fucking DIE.

Ray’s eyes flicker.
He takes a long sip of his cocktail.

Takes a drag of his cigarette.
Squints through the smoke.

RAY
Maybe one of these days
I could show you a thing or two.

KELSEY
You mean it?

RAY
From where I sit, it looks like
you’ve already got your mind made up --
and nothing’s gonna stop you.

Kelsey smiles.
It lights up her face
like we haven’t seen.

KELSEY
Damn straight.
(beat)
Thanks, uh --

RAY
Ray Stark, at your service.
(beat)
Have robbery, will travel.

Requiem For A Robbery

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 5 of BABY HEISTER, Kelsey attends the wake for her parents with her grandparents Doc and Jo, but gets distracted by Ray Stark, a dark-haired stranger who says he 'worked' with them ...


EXT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - BACK YARD - DAY
The joint is filled with
MOURNERS from the funeral.

But now the mood is different.
It’s a traditional wake.
They’re laughing, drinking, reminiscing.

Jo walks around with a tray,
passing out snacks.

Doc stands behind the
bar making drinks.

Ray slides up to the bar.
Lights up a smoke.

Looks at the crowd.
Then at Doc.

RAY
Pretty good turnout.

DOC
I don’t think we’ve met.

RAY
(puts out his hand)
Ray Stark. You must be Doc.

DOC
(takes it, shakes)
What are you having?

RAY
What kinda scotch you got?

DOC
Johnny Walker Blue.

RAY
(nods)
Neat.

Doc nods.
Turns, gets the bottle,
a glass, pours one.

Hands it to him.
Ray takes it.

Takes a sip.
Nods. Winces.

DOC
How did you know
Griff and Chelle?

RAY
Worked together a
couple of times.

DOC
Funny.
Don’t remember ever
hearing your name.

RAY
It was awhile ago --

DOC
I’ve got a pretty good memory.

Kelsey sidles up to the bar
with an empty beer bottle.

KELSEY
Can I get another?

Doc nods. Grabs a bottle.
POPS it open. Hands it to her.

She takes a long slug.
Wipes her mouth with her sleeve.

RAY
You must be Griff
and Chelle’s daughter.

KELSEY
Who wants to know?

DOC
This here’s Ray Stark.
Says he used to work
with your parents.

KELSEY
You’re a HEISTER?

Ray makes a keep it down
motion with his hand.

RAY
Careful.
You don’t know who might
be snooping around.

KELSEY
Sorry.
(low)
What was it like to
work with my parents?

JO (O.C.)
Kelsey?
Could you come help me?
I need to make some more
pigs in a blanket.

Reveal JO.
Standing nearby with an empty tray.
Kelsey sighs. Looks at Ray.
Then Doc, who gives her a look.

KELSEY
Sure thing.

She finishes her beer.
Puts the bottle on the bar.

Follows Jo toward the house.
Ray watches her go.

RAY
That’s quite a fine filly.

DOC
She’s eighteen.

Ray smiles secretively.
Sips his scotch.
Eyes flicker.

RAY
Looks more like her mom
than her dad, don’tcha think?

DOC
You stay away from her.
Hear me?

RAY
Hold on there, cowboy.
If I didn’t know better,
I’d think you were threatening me.

DOC
Now you’re catching on.

Death Becomes Her

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 4 of BABY HEISTER, after the Yakuza gang kills Griff, Chelle and the rest of the gang and makes off with the loot from the bank job, Kelsey discovers the truth -- that her parents were indeed heisters. The next day, Kelsey mourns their death, and vows to get revenge --


INT. BANK - NIGHT
Just as Griff walks
Bank Manager past Chelle,
the gang SQUEALS into the bank
and starts FIRING at everybody.

Griff and Bank Manager
get SHREDDED TO RIBBONS.

Atlas and Zvi RUN.
Chelle gets HIT
with MACHINE GUN SPRAY.
Her body JERKS like a puppet
in a dance of death.

INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - NIGHT
Doc, Jo and Kelsey sit
at the kitchen table,
the remains of dinner strewn about.
Having pie and coffee.

KELSEY
You can deny it all you want,
but I know the truth.
I found your scrapbook.

DOC
What scrapbook?

KELSEY
The one under your mattress.

DOC
What were you doing SNOOPING
around in my bedroom?

KELSEY
I was looking for your stash.
I hadn’t found a connection yet.
(big smile)
You were quite the heister.

Doc stares. Speechless.
The phone RINGS. Jo gets up.

JO
I’ll get it.
(answers it, listens)
Oh my god.
(turns and looks)
Doc?

DOC
What’s wrong?

JO
Griff and Chelle --

KELSEY
(turns white)
What.

JO
They’re dead.
(looks at Kelsey)
They were -- trying to rob a bank.

EXT. CEMETERY - DAY
Very old. Some graves and crypts
overrun with vines.

A pair of BLACKBIRDS
sit on a tombstone, watching --

A FUNERAL in progress.
A cluster of MOURNERS DRESSED IN BLACK
surround a pair of freshly-dug graves.

Twin high-end CASKETS sit inside them.
Piled with bouquets of flowers.

Jo holds onto Doc, stoic, both
dressed in their Sunday finest.

Kelsey stands next to them.
Looks out of place in black leather,
denim and mirrored shades. Smoking.

The MINISTER (50’a) stands near the casket.
More than a few of the MOURNERS
look a little shady.

That’s because they are,
being Hazard family coworkers.

CAMERA
Finds one of them,
standing off to the side.
Tall and dark.

Like Kelsey, wearing a
black motorcycle jacket and shades.

Meet RAY STARK (35).
Think a RESERVOIR DOGS-era Michael Madson.
Tough-looking, with that air of danger.

He lights a cigarette
with a CLICK of his Zippo.
Blows a cloud of smoke.

KELSEY
Turns her head. Looks at him.
Then back at the caskets.

CLOSE ON --
Her face.
A tear slides down her cheek.

Me Rob You Long Time

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Hump Day. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 3 of BABY HEISTER, Griff and Chelle drive their armored car into the bank through the front window and start robbing it ... but things get a little tricky when a vicious Yakuza motorcycle gang drives by and decides to rob the robbers ...


EXT. DOWNTOWN LOS ANGELES - CITY STREET - NIGHT
There’s a RIOT going on. Complete mayhem.
LOOTERS smash windows.

RUN down the street with stolen goods.
A GANG-BANGER throws a MOLOTOV COCKTAIL
at a police car. It EXPLODES.

EXT. CITY STREET - NIGHT
The armored car turns a corner.

IN THE ARMORED CAR
Griff speaks into his headset.

GRIFF
Eagle, this is Houston.
Prepare for impact. Over.

IN THE REAR
Chelle nods. Speaks into her headset.

CHELLE
Copy that. Over.
(to the rest)
Buckle up. It’s gonna be a bumpy heist.

Everyone SNAPS on shoulder harnesses
that crisscross their torsos.

Pull their caps down over their faces
until they become ski masks.
One by one, they give a thumbs up.

EXT. BANK - NIGHT
The First National Bank of California.
A beautiful building.

Facade is two stories
of shiny glass and mirrors.

EXT. CITY STREET - NIGHT
The armored car pulls up
in front of the bank,
looks like it’s going to park,
but instead makes a turn,
BUMPS over the curb --
-- and starts HEADING RIGHT TOWARD IT.

IN THE FRONT
Gino and Griff slip on MOTORCYCLE HELMETS.

IN THE BACK
Everyone BRACES for the impact.

EXT. BANK - NIGHT
The armored car reaches the facade, and --
IN SLOW MOTION -- CRASHES THROUGH with a BANG.
Glass and debris go FLYING.

INT. BANK - NIGHT
BANK CUSTOMERS RUN for cover. SCREAM.
The armored car stops.
The doors FLY OPEN.

Everyone PILES OUT.
Gripping automatic weapons.

Griff blasts a SPRAY OF BULLETS
at the ceiling.

GRIFF
This is a ROBBERY. Do WHAT WE SAY --
and NOBODY GETS HURT.
(looks around)
Got it?

Everyone nods, terrified.
Chelle spins around in a slow circle,
aiming her Uzi at them.

CHELLE
Everyone down on the ground, NOW.

ZVI
Sits down at a loan officer’s desk.
Flips open his laptop.

The emergency generator kicks in.
The lights TURN ON --

ZVI
That didn’t take TOO long.
(fingers work the keyboard)
Sorry, Charlie. Only the real tuna
gets to be star-fucked.

And the power SHUTS DOWN.

ATLAS
Approaches the teller windows,
pointing his Uzi with one hand.

Duffle bag in the other.
Evil smile behind the mask.

He THROWS the bag at a
SCARED SHITLESS FEMALE TELLER.

ATLAS
No tricks, no dye-packs,
or you’ll DIE. GOT IT?
(of her terrified nod)
In the bag there’s more bags.
Give ‘em to the other tellers --
and start EMPTYING THE DRAWERS.

GRIFF
Waves his Uzi across everyone on the floor.

GRIFF
Which one of you is the manager?

A SHORT GUY WEARING A SUIT AND GLASSES
raises his hand.

SHORT GUY IN SUIT AND GLASSES
I am.

GRIFF
Let’s go take a trip to the vault.

ON THE STREET IN FRONT
A JAPANESE GANG ON MOTORCYCLES drives by,
bikes dripping with stolen loot.

They SCREECH to a halt.
Turn their heads.

JAPANESE GANG LEADER
Sees what’s happening.
Turns to his Second-In-Command.

JAPANESE GANG LEADER
Looks like our lucky day.

SECOND-IN-COMMAND
Me rob you long time.

They pull out AUTOMATIC WEAPONS
strapped to their backs.

HIT THE GAS and ROAR TOWARD THE BANK --

Rockets Red Glare

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 2 of BABY HEISTER, Kelsey sits down to dinner with her grandfather Doc and grandmother Jo, where she reveals she wants to become a heister, 'just like her parents' Griff and Chelle, which Doc and Jo deny. Meanwhile, Griff and Chelle prepare to rob a bank by setting off a series of explosions in downtown LA to distract the cops ...


INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - KITCHEN - DUSK
Right out of Norman Rockwell.
Enough knickknacks and quaint furnishings
to choke Martha Stewart.

Doc and Kelsey sit at the table
waiting for dinner to be served.

DOC
You do any more thinking about
going back to school?

KELSEY
Why the fuck would I do that?

DOC
Not having a diploma kinda limits
the kinda jobs you can get.

KELSEY
Not if I’m gonna be a heister.

DOC
A heister? Where on earth did you --

Doc’s wife JO (60) approaches the table
with a big tray of food.

Once a great beauty, now a bit faded,
but still tough, with the twinkling eyes
of a con artist.

Which she was.

JO
Dinner’s served.

She sets it down. Sits.
Doc and Kelsey help themselves.

DOC
Thanks, honey. This looks great.

JO
So how was your day, Kelsey?

KELSEY
Okay, I guess.

DOC
Kelsey’s thinking about
taking up a life of crime.

JO
Is that so.

KELSEY
If it’s good enough for Griff and Chelle --

DOC
Now where did you get that idea?
Your parents are in sales.

KELSEY
(snorts)
Yeah, GUN sales.

EXT. DOWNTOWN CITY STREET - DUSK
The armored car stops at a red light.

EXT. AERIAL VIEW OF LOS ANGELES - DUSK
All the lights in the city SHUT OFF.

INT. ARMORED CAR - DUSK
Zvi looks up from his laptop. Smiles eagerly.

ZVI
Let there be DARK.

IN THE FRONT
Griff looks out the window.
Sees the lights are out.

GRIFF
(into his headset)
Copy that, Eagle.
(to Gino)
Better get a move on.
Traffic’s about to clusterfuck.

Gino nods. STEPS on it.
They LURCH into the intersection.

IN THE BACK
Chelle nods at Zvi.

CHELLE
Commence phases two, three and four.

ZVI
Rockets red glare, coming right up.

His fingers start FLYING
across the keyboard.

EXT. UNION STATION - DUSK
A giant EXPLOSION on the front lawn.
A GIANT CLOUD OF BLACK SMOKE
envelopes the building.
Pedestrians RUN, screaming.

INT. UNION STATION - CONTINUOUS
People inside SCREAM. DUCK for cover.

INT. POLICE HEADQUARTERS - DUSK
Complete bedlam. Officers answer phones.
Work computers.

Trying to get control of the situation.

FRONT DESK OFFICER
(on the phone)
I don’t KNOW if it’s connected.
Just send units to Union Station, NOW.

IN THE ARMORED CAR
Zvi looks at Chelle. Gives a thumbs up.

ZVI
Go Metro GONE.

EXT. CITY HALL - DUSK
An enormous EXPLOSION rocks
the front of the building.

A GIANT CLOUD OF BLACK SMOKE
starts enveloping the area.

ZVI (O.C.)
Just fought City Hall --

EXT. STAPLES CENTER - DUSK
A HUGE EXPLOSION rocks the front
of the building with a
GIANT CLOUD OF BLACK SMOKE.
Pedestrians RUN and SCREAM.

ZVI (O.C.)
Swish.

IN THE ARMORED CAR

Zvi looks at Chelle. Smiles.

ZVI
We have a trifecta --