Trailer Trash Heaven

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 25 of THE DISH, murderous lesbians on the lam Haven and Jett get new wheels and then hole up in a sleazy, remote motel at the beach. Meanwhile, homicide detective Cal Seely summons his troops and starts a nationwide manhunt for them ...


EXT. TRAILER PARK - NIGHT
Jett sits behind the wheel
of an old Ford pickup truck,
playing with the wires
under the steering wheel column.

They SPARK.
The engine ROARS to life.

JETT
Like riding a bicycle.

The barrel of a SAWED-OFF SHOTGUN
is placed against Jett’s temple.

A GIANT REDNECK leans
into the window. Sneers.

GIANT REDNECK
What the fuck do you
think YOU’RE DOING?
Get the fuck outta MY TRUCK.

JETT
Easy now.

Jett opens the door.
Slides out.
Starts to raise her hands --

GIANT REDNECK
What I don’t get is why
you’d wanna steal this
piece-a crap.

And WHIPS OUT her REVOLVER.
JAMS it in his crotch.

JETT
We’re swapping rides, big fella.
Gotta problem with that?
(CLICK)
See that Cadillac over there?

The redneck looks at the Caddy.

GIANT REDNECK
You wanna trade my truck
for the CADDY?
Are you fuckin’ CRAZY?

JETT
Something like that.
(nods)
Go ahead, check ‘er out.
Keys are in the ignition.

Redneck breaks into a
big ‘ol rotten-toothed grin.

GIANT REDNECK
Take your piece outta my pants,
and you got yourself a deal.

EXT. COUNTY ROAD - NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER
The truck ROARS down the gravel road.

HAVEN
You see the look on his face?
He just died and went to
trailer trash heaven.
He’s probably jerking
off in it right now.

JETT
I think we should hole up
somewhere for the night.
I’d rather cross the border
in the morning,
when there’s more traffic.

HAVEN
Ooh.
I love the sound of 'holing up.'

EXT. COUNTY ROAD - CONTINUOUS
The pickup FLIES down the road.

Behind them, a DODGE DART SWINGER
pulls out of the bushes,
and ROARS after them.

INT. SHERIFF’S MUSTER ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Your typical shitty institutional
municipal squad room.

Cal Seely stands at a lectern
in front of a dozen UNIFORMED OFFICERS
and a handful of PLAINCLOTHES DETECTIVES.

CAL
We’ve put out an APB.
All regional airports,
bus stations and trains
are being watched.
The highway patrol is on it.
And we’ve alerted the media,
who is calling them
'Bonnie and Bride.'

A smattering of chuckling.

CAL
This isn’t a fucking JOKE.
We need to FIND them,
and find them NOW.
This is front page news, people.
I want you to fucking
take apart that whore’s boat,
and that fucking dyke’s apartment --
and find out where the fuck
they’ve gone.
(beat)
Do I make myself clear?

EXT. MOTOR COURT - NIGHT
A foghorn BLEATS somewhere off the coast.

A dense FOG has rolled in from the ocean.
Lights look blurry, fuzzy.

There’s a sharp, damp, pungent chill
in the air over --

THE BUCCANEER.
A small motor court motel
across the street from the beach.

A deserted area far away
from the touristy crap.

A small semi-circle of
shitty bungalows face the water.

The middle one has a sign
that reads OFFICE. VACANCY.

Jett’s pickup pulls up behind it
and stops.

INT. PICKUP TRUCK - CONTINUOUS
Jett shuts off the ignition.
Slips on a cowboy hat. Shades.

HAVEN
I like the hat.
Makes you look -- rugged.

JETT
Let me check in by myself.
You’re too -- memorable.

HAVEN
That sounds like a line
from something.

JETT
From our life, baby face.

HAVEN
Hurry up, I’m cold.

INT. MOTOR COURT OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER
A plump BUCK-TOOTHED WOMAN
sits at the desk reading
a true crime magazine. Riveted.
Slowly eating potato chips.

Jett comes in quietly.
Closes the door behind her.

JETT
Evenin’.
Mighty cold out there.

BUCK-TOOTH
It’s the fog.
Cold and wet it is.

She smiles strangely.
This bulb is definitely low-wattage.

JETT
Can I get a cabin for the night?

BUCK-TOOTH
Sure thing.
Got one left.
But the heater’s broke.
Got a fireplace, though.

JETT
How much?

BUCK-TOOTH
(hands her a key)
Fifty bucks.
Check out is at eleven.

JETT
(takes it)
Mighty obliged.

BUCK-TOOTH
How can you see in those shades?
It’s night-time, mister.

PUSH IN ON Jett. Delighted.