Motel Hell

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 27 of THE DISH, wanted fugitive Jett Targo goes the convenience store to get some snacks for her partner in crime Haven Crayce, holed up in a shitty motel at the beach on the lam from the law ... and runs into trouble with the retarded clerk ...


INT. SHITTY MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
A ROARING FIRE in the fireplace.

The wood CRACKS in the
red and orange flames
flickering over the money.

Haven and Jett
lie in each other’s arms,
basking in the heat.

HAVEN
I wanna stay here
forever and ever.

JETT
Yeah.

HAVEN
Mmmm.
(beat)
I’m hungry.

JETT
So am I.

HAVEN
Would you go get
us some provisions?
Pretty please?

JETT
Of course.

Jett gets up,
puts on her cowboy hat.

HAVEN
I think you should go
just like that.

Shrugs into her jeans.

JETT
Silly girl, it’s fuckin’
freezing out there.

Puts on her shirt.
SNAPS it.

HAVEN
Hurry back, honey pie.
I’m so hungry,
I could eat a horse.

JETT
When I come back,
we’ll do some ropin’ and ridin.’
(goes to the door)
Keep the home fires burning.

HAVEN
(smiles, dreamy)
Yeah --
(beat)
Hey, you know what?

JETT
What.

HAVEN
You know when they say
money can’t buy happiness?
(beat)
They’re full of shit.

And she THROWS
a fistful of money
in the air.

PUSH IN ON Haven’s eyes.
Dancing with delight.

INT. CONVENIENCE STORE - MOMENTS LATER
The Wanted poster is up.

But now Haven has a mustache
and a missing front tooth.

And Jett is in shades
and a cowboy hat.

Like she is right now.
Walking in the door.

The bell RINGS.

JETT
(tips her hat)
Evenin.’

She grabs a basket.
Starts going through
the food aisles.

MILDLY RETARDED CLERK
(wide-eyed)
Evenin.’

Jett goes to the beverage cooler.
Takes out a six-pack.
Brings her items to the counter.

MILDLY RETARDED CLERK
Looks like you’re fixing t
o have yourself a late-night snack.

JETT
Yeah.

MILDLY RETARDED CLERK
You must be stayin’ at
the Buccaneer down the way.

Jet nods.
Retarded rings up the items.

Open-mouthed.
Concentrating.
Placing each in a paper bag.

MILDLY RETARDED CLERK
That’ll be -- thirty-four dollars
and seventy-three cents, please.

Jett hands him some cash.

MILDLY RETARDED CLERK
Out of forty --
(hands her bills and coins)
Five dollars and
twenty-seven cents
is your change.

Jett tosses the coins
in a big plastic cup marked TIPS.

JETT
(picks up the bag)
Thanks.
Have a good night.

She heads toward the door.

MILDLY RETARDED CLERK
You, too.
(after she’s out the door)
Give my best to your friend.

Retarded goes to the phone.
Dials. Listens.

MILDLY RETARDED CLERK
I’d like to speak
with the Sheriff, please.
This is Lonnie down
at the Stop and Gulp?
(listens)
I wanna report that
Bonnie and Bride are holed up
at the Buccaneer Motor Court
over here in Seal Beach.
(listens)
So when do I get
that reward money?

PUSH IN ON Retarded.
Doing his duty. Excited.