Thursday, January 10, 2013
Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.
In Chapter 11 of NOWHERE GIRL, after black ops spook Sledge Crafton puts a burn notice on undercover Homeland Security agent April Street, she has to fight off his operatives who want to kill her ...
INT. MERCEDES SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
April drives down Sunset Boulevard west,
She pulls out Token’s tracking device,
a small, hand-held PDA.
She FLICKS it on.
Looks at the screen.
They’re only a mile or two away.
As the car takes a turn,
another car SWERVES toward her.
Her focus momentarily away from the road,
she doesn’t see it, and the cars SIDESWIPE
each other with a CRUNCH.
The other car pulls over.
April keeps going.
Shit, shit, shit.
A siren WHOOPS behind her.
She checks out the rearview.
IN THE MIRROR
Is an LAPD black and white cruiser.
Cherry lights FLASHING.
Pulls over. Stops.
Rolls down her window.
Great. Just great.
A GRIM OFFICER approaches the car.
Leans in the window.
License, registration and
proof of insurance, please.
April goes into her handbag,
hands the officer her papers.
Then shows him her ID.
I realize leaving the scene of an accident
is a serious offense, officer,
but I’m a Homeland Security agent,
and this is a matter of national security.
I need to retrieve a runaway suitcase nuke.
He takes the ID.
Inspects it. Hmmm.
April is puzzled, as this normally
opens doors faster than a naked woman.
Then she notices the tattoo
on the side of his neck.
Strictly against LAPD regulations.
Would you please
step out of the car, Miss?
Sure thing, officer.
She slowly opens the door,
and SMASHES it into his legs.
He BUCKLES, hits the ground.
April DASHES over, GRABS his piece,
and KARATE KICKS him in the head
with a CRACK. He goes down.
April retrieves her ID,
still clenched in the 'officer’s' fist.
The other officer gets out the squad car,
starts FIRING at her.
April LEAPS in front of the SUV,
and RETURNS FIRE.
Sledge didn’t waste any time.
A HELICOPTER appears overhead.
April looks up.
Whoah. He’s REALLY mad.
She pulls a GRENADE out of her pocket,
and, like a pitcher at the World Series --
HURLS it at the squad car.
BOOM. It EXPLODES in a massive FIREBALL.
April JUMPS in the SUV,
and TAKES OFF in a SCREECH of rubber.
The chopper follows,
SPRAYING the SUV with MACHINE GUN FIRE.
INT. SUV - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
April feels around under the driver’s seat.
Let’s hope he’s got some
samples of the merchandise.
She pulls out a huge
TACTICAL ASSAULT WEAPON.
April GUNS THE ENGINE.
EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - SUV - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
The car reaches an area full of
warehouses, soundstages, strip malls.
The grungy part of Hollywood.
The car HITS a hard right at an intersection,
tires SCREECHING, and FLIES down an alley,
the chopper following.
INT. SUV - MOVING - CONTINUOUS
April sees the loading dock of a warehouse.
She pulls up to it. STOPS.
JUMPS out of the car with the gun.
A crew of WORKERS watch her.
Approach the car.
Hey, lady. You can’t park here.
Shit! She’s got a gun!
The chopper ROARS above them.
Machine guns FIRING.
(above the roar)
Stand back! Homeland Security!
She runs into the alley,
and FIRES up at the helicopter --
The chopper EXPLODES in what is now
the requisite massive fireball
of flames and smoke.
It CRASHES on the roof
of a nearby building, which IMPLODES.
April lowers her weapon.
A hot chick like you
is Homeland Security?
Where those terrorists?
That’s on a need-to-blow-up basis --