Friday, January 25, 2013
Dick Cheney, Eat Your Heart Out
Hey there, crime kids. Happy FRIDAY. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.
In Chapter 22 of NOWHERE GIRL, fugitive stripper with a suitcase nuke Cherry Nation and her posse head into the Hollywood Hills to meet with the Al Qaeda sleeper cell, where they get ambushed by black ops assassin Wendon Swift, just as Cherry's ex, CIA agent Shag Holliay arrives on the scene to help put. Meanwhile, Homeland Security spook April Street is hot on their tail, but gets into a fender-bender ...
EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS - RANCH HOUSE - NIGHT
Brody leads Cherry, Peeler and Stan
through the back yard.
They walk into a wooded area behind the house.
A light RAIN starts falling.
Great. Now it’s fucking RAINING.
She pulls her hoodie up over her head.
Her I-Phone VIBRATES in her pocket.
She pulls it out.
THE SCREEN READS
Reminder: Take your meds.
A finger presses a button.
The LCD reads ERASE.
turns his head.
Looks at Cherry.
Can I ask you something?
If, let’s say, somebody wanted
to get into porn --
(looks at him)
YOU? Are you fucking kidding me?
What. I’m not THAT bad-looking.
No, it’s just that --
I’ve got eleven inches.
What, you didn’t notice?
(off their stares)
So I’m gay.
Big fucking deal.
It’s 2013. Deal with it.
GUNSHOTS SPRAY at them.
Stan GETS HIT in the chest.
Brody gets one in the leg.
So does Peeler.
Cherry’s arm is grazed.
They HIT the ground.
Start crawling into the bushes.
I’ve been SHOT.
Bullets WHIZ through the bushes.
Cherry gets behind a tree.
Pulls out her gun.
FUCK. I don’t see anyone.
Peeler, are you okay?
Peeler peers out behind a row of bushes.
I got shot in the leg, but I’m okay.
But I think Stan is dead.
(sees her arm)
It’s okay. It just grazed me.
My leg -- is fucking fucked.
He tries to get up into a crawling position.
But he doesn’t listen. Sits up.
I’m getting the fuck outta --
His head EXPLODES in a red mist.
Ohmigod, we’re gonna DIE, we’re gonna DIE!
EXT. GARAGE ROOF - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Wendon kneels on the tiles.
Cradling a sniperscope rifle.
She JAMS a new magazine in, KA-CHINK.
Takes aim. Sneers.
Dick Cheney eat your heart out.
Hands suddenly GRAB
her by the neck. She GAGS.
Gets pulled back.
Her rifle CLATTERS onto the tiles.
Wendon GRABS the hands,
and viciously YANKS them off.
She WHIRLS around and faces --
SHAG. Aiming a Sig Sauer at her.
Hands in the air!
I’m a federal agent!
Wendon smiles. Raises her hands.
So am I, asshole.
Get on your knees. NOW.
She arches an eyebrow.
Then WHIRLS like a top and
KICKS Shag in the face -- CRACK.
He FLIES BACKWARDS -- OOF.
She LEAPS into the air
and lands on top of him, THWUMP.
He GRABS her by the waist,
and they ROLL across the tiles --
FLY off the edge of the roof,
and BANG into a dumpster.
IN THE WOODS
Cherry puts down her gun.
Looks at Peeler.
They stopped shooting.
How’s your leg?
Can you walk?
He gets up.
Puts his weight on it.
Yeah. But it really hurts.
Cherry takes off her jacket.
RIPS off one of the arms.
Then the other.
Ties them together.
Then wraps it around the wound,
pulls it TIGHT.
Puts the armless jacket back on.
There. That should hold it for awhile.
C’mon, let’s get the fuck outta here.
Where did you learn how to do that?
Hey, just because I
take my clothes off for a living
doesn’t mean I wasn’t a Girl Scout --
INT. YELLOW CAB - MOVING - NIGHT
April ZOOMS west on Sunset Boulevard.
Window down. The wind WHIPPING her hair.
The rain is coming down harder, getting her wet.
She checks her PDA. Looks up. Sees something.
Hey, ASSHOLE! You’re in the INTERSECTION!
She HITS the breaks, and the cab SKIDS.
EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - CONTINUOUS
A BENTLEY SEDAN has pulled out of a mini-mall,
it’s nose in the intersection.
April tries to brake, but she hydroplanes,
and SMASHES into the side of the hood.
PUNCHING the car sideways.
April’s cab COUGHS and dies.
The hood FLIES UP.
Steam BILLOWS out of the engine.
The cab driver wakes up.
Starts SCREAMING at April.
What you do to my TAXI-CAB, mother-fucker!
April opens the door, starts to get out.
Turns to him.
Guess you won’t be praising Allah today.
EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - INTERSECTION - CONTINUOUS
The owner of the Bentley, an IRATE AGENT
races over to April.
Gets in her face.
SHOUTS at her.
You fucking BITCH.
Do you realize HOW MUCH that car COSTS?!
(WHIPS out his Blackberry)
Just wait till the fucking COPS get here.
(WHIPS out her ID)
Homeland Security, asshole.
Get out of my fucking face.
(looks at it)
Oh, yeah -- right.
What an awful name.
Sounds like an insurance company.
Ooh, I’m scared.
April PUNCHES him in the face, WHAM.
He goes down. She looks around.
Traffic is moving around them.
She pulls out the PDA.
Checks the location.
It’s right around the corner.
And she TAKES OFF on foot, starts RUNNING --