Escape From LA

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 36 of HIT & RUN HOLIDAY, fugitive screenwriter Friday Foster gets accosted by a nasty group of vicious gang-banger looters as she tries to escape White Line Pictures in the middle of a race riot ... and gets a little assistance from her old friend 'Menthol' ...


INT. WHITE LINE PICTURES - CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY
Friday looks out the window.
Sees the RIOTERS pouring into the building.

FRIDAY
We gotta get the FUCK outta here,
or else we’re dead white meat.
(to Jimmy Joe)
Where’s that fucking AMBULANCE?

JIMMY JOE
(closes his cell)
Fucking riot, they’re all busy --
said it would be about an hour.

FRIDAY
An hour?
We DON’T HAVE AN HOUR!

DON
Like I could give two fucks.
(to Hans)
Hans.
You drive your Hummer to work today?

HANS
Yah, of course --

GARY
Great idea.
The parking garage is secure.

HANS
And ve make like Escape From LA.

DON
Shut up, Hans.
Gimme your fucking keys.
(takes keys, to Friday)
You’re on your own, bitch.
Good luck getting out of here alive.

They race outta there.
The assistants follow.

Friday strokes Carrie’s hair.
Rocks back and forth.

FRIDAY
Everything in my life turns to shit.
(to Jimmy Joe)
We’ve gotta do something.
(a lightbulb POPS)
Hey. You’ve got
rich and famous friends.
Any of ‘em have a chopper?

JIMMY JOE
Fuck, yeah.
(pulls out his cell, dials)
Yo, Ridley?
Yeah, it’s me, Jimmy Joe.
(listens)
Oh, nothin’ much,
just about to be stormed
by an angry mob of marauding rioters --
an’ we gotta lady thas’
been shot in the belly.
How you doin?’
(listens)
Beverly Hills.
Over at White Line Pictures.
You still have that chopper?
(looks at Friday)
All gassed up an’ ready to go?
And you sure yer not usin’ it?
(listens)
Yer in Morocco with Russell? Nice.
So kin I borrow it?
It’s an emergency.
(listens)
Thanks, Ridley-boy.
I owe ya one.
(listens)
I gotta think about it. Thanks.
(hangs up, to Friday)
Ridley’s gonna let me
borrow his personal chopper.
It’s on its way over.
(beat)
An I got a part in his next picture --
if I want it. Not sure if I wanna
play a Shiite terrorist, though.

FRIDAY
Ridley -- ?

JIMMY JOE
Scott, yeah.
We’ve wanted to work together for years.
Just haven’t found the right project.

BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.
BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

A horde of feet STOMP
down the hallway outside.

FRIDAY
Shit.

Jimmy Joe puts a finger
to his mouth -- shhhhhhhh.

A BIG, UGLY GANGSTA
sticks his head in the room.

BIG, UGLY GANGSTA
(to the rest outside)
Hey. In here.
We gotta couple-a live ones.
(sees Bland)
He dead?

FRIDAY
Just resting.

BIG, UGLY GANGSTA
(sees Carrie)
She dead?

FRIDAY
Almost.

Three more LARGE BLACK GUYS walk in.
Carrying pipes. Knives.

BIG, UGLY GANGSTA
(sees Friday)
That’s the bitch’s been on da news.
I’m gonna hit dat.
Have my first celeb-ritee.

LEERING GANGSTA
Back off. I’m doin’ her first.

KNIFE-WEILDING GANGSTA
Homes, they three inputs --
we kin have a gangsta gang-bang.

Friday VIBRATES. JUMPS UP.
Raises the Uzi --

FRIDAY
(sings)
'Baby was a black sheep,
baby was a whore,
baby, baby, baby, baby’s
got her finger on the trigger!'

And starts SHOOTING at THE CEILING --

RAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-
TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT-TAT!

Large chunks of ceiling tile
SPRAY through the air.

The GANGSTAS duck.

Friday’s guns SWEEP across the WINDOWS --
IMPLODING them in a SHOWER OF GLASS --

CRASH, SMASH, TINKLE, SPRINKLE,
BASH, BANG, CRASH, SMASH.

She sneers. Lowers her weapons.

FRIDAY (CONT'D)
Baby-baby-baby was a rock-n-roll nigga.

From the floor, BIG, UGLY whimpers.

BIG, UGLY GANGSTA
Shit. Pissed my pants.

KNIFE-WEILDING GANGSTA
Bitch is fuckin’ crazy.

LESTER
pokes his head in.

LESTER
What the bloody fuck was that?

FRIDAY
Lester. What are you doing here?

LESTER
What do you think?
The American Dream --
Looting and pillaging.
And it’s ‘Menthol.’ Nice, huh?
You gave me the idea --
(points at the assembled gang)
This here is my posse.
Da Nica-tine.

FRIDAY
Well, your fucking posse almost RAPED me.

MENTHOL
Gentlemen, meet Friday Foster,
as seen on TV.
One bad motherfucker.
You don’t wanna mess with her.

FRIDAY
Word to my peeps.

MENTHOL
(sees the blood on Carrie)
We have to get her IN HOSPITAL.

FRIDAY
No shit, Shaquile.
But there’s no ambulances.
They’re all busy,
thanks to YOUR FUCKING RIOT.

MENTHOL
My riot?
I didn’t shoot bloody RIDIKULUSS.
White men did.

JIMMY JOE
He’s gotta point
.
FRIDAY
Okay, okay.
Years of oppression, I get it.

Menthol goes to the door.

MENTHOL
Come. We’ll escort you.
(to Big, Ugly)
Jamal, you carry the bleeding girl.
And apologize to Ms. Foster
for threatening to defile her loins.

Jamal goes to Carrie.
Picks her up.
Looks at Friday, baleful.

JAMAL
I’m sorry -- Friday.

FRIDAY
You should be.
You’ll never know my splendor.
(to Menthol)
‘Defile my loins?’

MENTHOL
So I was an English major --