Monday, August 1, 2011
Balls For Breakfast
Hey there, crime kids. Happy Monday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.
In Chapter 23 of LEGS, it's a clusterfuck of epic proportions when private eye Carrie Love and dominatrix/super-spy Felina Bella Donna face off against 'hitman to the stars' The Bagger, demented snuff filmmaker Klaus Speer and undercover agent Michael Samms ...
INT. KLAUS' PRODUCTION STUDIO - NGHT
A strobe FLASHES. It's THE BAGGER.
With a rocket launcher.
And CINDY. Cradling a bazooka.
Nobody fucking move.
Or we'll rock your world.
Norman, is that you?
Ladies, put your weapons down.
Before I give you a fourth input.
Their guns CLATTER to the floor.
Looks like our dicks
are bigger than yours.
Kick them over here.
THE BAGGER (CONT'D)
Okay, chickies, on the floor, face up.
So I can see your boobs.
Norman? Your name is Norman?
Hello, Klaus -- been a long time.
slowly crawls on the floor.
steps down from the camera dolly.
I haven't seen you since the Manson thing.
You're not still mad at me, are you?
How was I to know you
had the hots for Miss Tate?
I'm not here to rehash ancient history, Speer --
I'm here to bring you in.
inches toward the crucifix.
FELINA AND CARRIE
lie on the floor.
When I say "now."
maintains his cool.
My studio has become quite profitable, Norman.
We could make a deal, perhaps a partnership.
I could use someone with your -- skills.
pulls a pistol from the small of his back.
taps a stiletto heel impatiently.
What is this, fucking prom night?
All this talking's making my
trigger finger a little antsy.
reaches a torch lying on the floor.
blows his stack.
Don't call me Norman, bitch!
The only deal you're gonna get
is on KY jelly where you're going, Speer.
Assume the position. On the floor,
face down, hands on your head.
Klaus starts to move.
Samms moves faster. Grabs him.
Shoves a gun in Klaus' mouth.
I personally kinda like the idea of a deal.
Sorry, chief. No hard feelings?
lights the torch.
Tosses it at the crucifix.
How'd you like a little fire, scarecrow?
WHIPS his weapon at the commotion.
What the fuck?
(points weapon at Samms)
clicks the cartridge.
Smoke starts POURING OUT.
FELINA (O.C.) (CONT'D)
Throw it, throw it!
She CHUCKS it.
The tiny silver missile
lands at the Bagger's feet.
SHIT, that’s an Israeli
TACTICAL SUPPRESSOR! HOLD YOUR EARS!
The bomb SCREAMS a decibel-splitting SHRIEK.
JESUS FUCKING MARY!
Carrie and Felina JUMP to their feet.
RUN to the exit.
EXT. KLAUS' ESTATE - GROUNDS - CONTINUOUS
The women RUN down the stairs -- past the pool --
the patio -- the main house --
then down wooden steps going downhill --
Which end at a deck at the edge of the cliff.
A blue-lit Jacuzzi bubbles invitingly.
I bet the water in there
is like egg drop soup.
Probably get knocked up just getting in.
An explosion BOOMS behind them.
They turn and look.
EXT. KLAUS’ GARAGE - CONTINUOUS
A big hole BLASTS through the roof.
Machine gun fire sprays.
Shouting. Another EXPLOSION.
CARRIE AND FELINA
watch the carnage.
I’m in a Jason Statham movie.
I was so fucking close.
So fucking close.
We're gonna get that motherfucker.
I'm gonna have his balls for breakfast.
(takes her hand, kisses it)
C'mon, super-spy, we gotta cruise.