One Day At A Crime

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In Chapter 20 of LEGS, the shit hits the fan when private eye Carrie Love and homicide detective Bernie Keko have their final showdown at the Cheetah Lounge strip club with white slave trader Cor Chirac ...


INT. COR’S OFFICE - NIGHT
A fussy, over-decorated dimly lit room
done up very chi-chi modern.
Zebra print furniture. Tiki bar.

Some trashy Euro-trance thump-thump-thumps
softly on the stereo.

Carrie’s out cold.
Wrists handcuffed to a chair facing Cor,
seated behind his futuristic desk.

He lights a cigarette.
Looks at his watch.
Nods to the music.

Carrie opens her eyes.
Struggles to focus. Sees Cor.

COR
I trust you had a nice little nap.

CARRIE
You’re not gonna get away with this.

COR
Oh, yes I am --
(beat)
But we have a problem.

CARRIE
No shit.

COR
I’m not in the habit of
killing officers of the law,
or private detectives for that matter --
(smiles)
So I’d like to offer you a deal.

CARRIE
What kind of deal?

COR
A hundred thousand dollars
for you and Dirty Harry --
EACH, tax free.
If you keep your mouth shut
about my business.

CARRIE
A hundred K -- ?

COR
I THOUGHT that might
pique your interest.

She glares at him.
Narrows her eyes.

CARRIE
Two hundred.

COR
My dear, I don’t think
you’re in any position to negotiate --

GUN SHOTS RING OUT
in the corridor outside.
BANG. BANG. BANG.

INT. THE CHEETAH LOUNGE - MAIN STAGE - NIGHT
A trio of DANCERS onstage SCREAM. Customers PANIC.
Everyone RACES toward the exits,
KNOCKING OVER tables and chairs.

Complete pandemonium.
Strippus interruptus.

INT. COR’S OFFICE - NIGHT
Cor hears the commotion.
BOLTS UP out of his chair.

COR
What the FUCK?

Carrie JUMPS UP, GRABS the arms
of the chair in her cuffed hands.

SWINGS AROUND IN A CIRCLE,
and SMASHES the chair into him, CRACK.

He goes FLYING across the room --
CRASHING into the bar.
Mirrored glass SMASHES, goes FLYING.

Carrie WHIRLS AROUND again.
CRACKS the chair against the wall.
SMASHING it into pieces.

She RACES over. GRABS Cor’s gun.
Looks at him. Passed out on the floor.

CARRIE
THAT’S for thinking
I could be BOUGHT, asshole.

She tip-toes over to the door.
Puts her hand on the knob.
It SWINGS OPEN, to reveal --

DINA.
Pointing a gun at Carrie.
Ridley’s dead body lies
on the floor behind her.

DINA
Surprise.

Carrie WHIPS out her gun.
CLICK.

CARRIE
Put the gun down.

DINA
Fuck you, bitch.
We had a great little business
going here, and you FUCKED IT UP.

CARRIE
WRONG. If your father hadn’t
hired me to find you, you’d be DEAD.

DINA
My father hired you?
(beat)
Wait a minute. I’m confused.
I thought you were a COP.

CARRIE
I was. Now I’m a private detective --

BERNIE (O.C.)
Drop the fucking gun
or I’ll blow your BRAINS OUT.

BERNIE
Appears behind her.
Service revolver aimed at her head.

Dina turns and looks.
Carrie SOCKS her in the jaw, CRACK,
sending her FLYING into the door.
She HITS the floor, THUMP.

Bernie and Carrie exchange looks.

BERNIE
Seems like old times --

CARRIE
Till death to us part, doll.

BERNIE
Still make a great team, huh?

CARRIE
Team of what, I don’t know --

BERNIE
C’mon, admit it.
I saved your ass.

CARRIE
Please. I was just toying with her.

BERNIE
You’re welcome.

They stare at each other.

CARRIE
(softly)
Thanks.

BERNIE
You wanna -- go get a cup of coffee?

CARRIE
I’m fried, Bernie. Rain check?

A FLUSTERED COP (20’s)
appears behind Bernie.
Weapon drawn.

Another FEMALE OFFICER
has the Russian girl.

FLUSTERED COP
FREEZE. Nobody MOVE.

BERNIE
Easy there, fella. I’m a cop.
I’m gonna pull out my badge,
very slowly, okay?

FLUSTERED COP
Okay --

Bernie reaches into his jacket.
Pulls out his badge.
Flustered nods.

FLUSTERED COP
Who’s she?
(realizes)
Holy SHIT. Wait a minute --

BERNIE
Meet Carrie Love, private eye.
She just cracked this case
like Venus on the half-shell.
NOBODY fucks with her.

CARRIE
(nods)
One day at a crime, babe.