Safe, Suburban Hell

Happy Friday, gunslingers. Do you know where your children are? Your spouse? Your parents? Your best friend? Well, they're all right here, at the coolest hardboiled crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES, where things are about to get a bit ... perverted.

Drug dealer Beggar Leck has called his friend 'Vlad The Impaler' to come get rid of the dead body in hooker Alona Tal's seedy hotel room ... but before Vlad can come and help dispose of the corpse, he and his goth squeeze Anya prepare to rob a dungeon ...


INT. CLUB FETISH - NIGHT
Nasty, filthy club music over --

A catacomb of perverted horrors run amok.
A labyrinthine maze of cubicles,
each contained unspeakable acts of depravity.

IN ONE STALL
A MAN (50’s) lies in a bathtub, naked.
A group of CLUB PATRONS
stand in a circle and pee on him.

IN ANOTHER STALL
A WOMAN (20’s) lies on a table.
Bound and gagged.

A GIANT DOM raise a cat ‘o nine tails,
CRACKS IT against her pale flesh.

IN THE DJ BOOTH
The DJ (30’s),
hair scooped into red devil horns,
nods to the music,
SNORTS a fat line of meth.

IN ANOTHER STALL
A MAN IN A DIAPER,
on his hands and knees,
licks the boots of a
GORGEOUS DOMINATRIX (40’s).
She JERKS his leash. Laughing.

VLAD AND ANYA
Stroll through the Dionysian splendor like gods.
Regal. Inspecting the display of twisted desires.

ANYA
It is, how they say in New York,
‘bridge and tunnel.’

VLAD
Well, we ARE behind Orange Curtain.

They chuckle. Stop.
Watch the GIANT DOM at work.

ANYA
(shaking her head)
No finesse. No -- style.
Is like Gitmo.
No imagination.

VLAD
That may be --
but Little Miss Muffet will get welt on her tuffet,
and she will go home to safe suburban hell
with naughty memory --

They continue walking.

ANYA
I see your point.
Is like MacDonald’s of dungeons.

Vlad stops.
Puts one hand on Anya’s breast.
The other on her throat.

Pushes her up against the wall.
Smiles, evil.

Anya swoons with pleasure.
Licks her lips. Eyes flashing.

VLAD
Enough of field trip.
You ready to rock n’ rolla,
my dark goddess?

ANYA
Take me to cash machine, bab-ya.

She pulls out her gun.
Rubs it on his crotch.

He pulls out his.
Sticks it in her mouth.

VLAD
Is what I love about you.
(beat)
What I call -- stimulus package.

Top Of The World, Ma

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. You say you're bored? Life getting you down? Looking for some cheap, pervy thrills? Then you've come to the right place ... where the going gets down and dirty ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES. Better hold on to your hats, kids ... cause it's gonna be a bumpy ride.

When we last left prep school teacher Gill Sherry, he was going to the bank to get some more cash for hooker Alona Tal to help pay for the removal of the dead body in her hotel room. Problem is, the bank's in a dangerous neighborhood in Venice Beach, and he runs into a little 'trouble' ...


EXT. WINDWARD AVENUE - NIGHT
A circular street two blocks from the boardwalk.
A cream-colored Saab pulls in front of the bank
across the street from the Venice post office.

INT. SAAB - CONTINUOUS
Gill is behind the wheel.
He shuts off the engine. Gets out.

AT THE CASH MACHINE
Gill slips his card in.
Punches his pin code.

The machine CHING-CHING-CHINGS,
and his cash slides out.

He grabs it.
Then feels something in his back.

GRAVELLY MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Hand over the cash, asshole --
or I’ll fucking shoot.

GILL
Okay, okay -- please don’t hurt me.

He holds up the money.
A FIGURE IN BLACK (20’s),
hoodie pulled down,
SNATCHES it from his hand.

FIGURE IN BLACK
Now gimmee your keys.
Nice ride you got there --

GILL
Please, not my car.
I need that to --

Figure In Black CRACKS him in the head with his gun.

Gill goes down, THUMP.
Figure KICKS him in the stomach.

GILL (CONT’D)
OW!

FIGURE IN BLACK
Your KEYS, NOW --

Gill winces in pain.
Digs his keys out of his pocket.
Holds them up.

Figure SNATCHES THEM.
RUNS to the car.

FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
Ohmigod, that guy just got MUGGED!

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
And they’re stealing his CAR!

Figure JUMPS IN. Starts the engine.
ROARS away in a SCREECH of rubber
like a madman from hell.

A YOUNG COUPLE (17) RACE OVER to Gill.
Trendy skateboard kids with multi-colored hair,
piercings in baggies and sneakers.

SKATEBOARD CHICK
Hey, mister -- are you okay?

HIPSTER GUY
(pulls out his cell phone)
Don’t worry, I’m calling the cops.

Skateboard Chick helps Gill stand up.
He holds his stomach.
Hipster punches 911. Listens.

GILL
My car -- he got my CAR --

HIPSTER GUY
(on the phone)
Yeah, hi -- so listen,
a dude was mugged,
and they, like, stole his car --
(listens)
On the Windward circle.
In front of the bank --
(listens, looks at Gill)
He looks okay to me --
(to Gill)
You okay?

PUSH IN ON Gill’s face.
More than upset.

GILL
Oh, I’m just peachy.
Top of the world, ma.

Really Kinky

Happy Hump Day, crime humpsters. You say you're looking for some cheap thrills? Some sleazy, utterly depraved hardboiled-pulp-noir action? Then you've come to the right place, guys and dolls, when you enter ... That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES ...

When we last left boozy screenwriter Holly Land, she finagled a few free drinks from Hollywood agent assistant Feo at the hotel bar, but she's soon horrified to find out his boss is the guy she killed earlier that evening ...


INT. THE STARLIGHT LOUNGE - NIGHT
The joint is deserted, except for Holly and Feo, with fresh cocktails.
The BARTENDER cleans glasses,
watches some old movie on the TV above the bar.

HOLLY
That’s gotta be exciting,
working for an agent.

FEO
It was at first,
but living on four-hundred bucks a week gets old fast.

HOLLY
I’m writing a screenplay --

FEO
Everyone and their sister is --
(catches himself)
That’s -- great.
What’s it about?

Feo’s BlackBerry RINGS.

FEO
Hold that thought.
(answers)
This is Feo --
(eyes wide)
Uh, not yet.
He’s -- in a meeting.
(listens)
I know it’s late --
(beat)
I’ve got the script with me.
I’m gonna give it to him as soon as he’s done.
(beat)
I’ll call you.
(CLICKS the phone shut)
Shit.

HOLLY
What’s wrong?

FEO
My boss is missing --
(low)
He was meeting a hooker at this hotel,
but no one’s seen him.
It’s like he -- disappeared.

Holly flinches.
Tries to act casual.

HOLLY
W-what’s he -- look like?
Maybe I’ve -- seen him.

FEO
He’s tall. Bald, with a big gut.
Goatee. Decent-looking.
(low)
And really kinky.
Into, you know -- rough stuff.

HOLLY
(averts her eyes)
I haven’t seen him. Sorry --

FEO
Yeah, well --
(sips his drink)
I’ve got this script Oscar’s supposed to read tonight.
Scarlet Stone wants to star in it.
(beat)
I am SO fucked.

HOLLY
Oscar?

FEO
That’s his name -- Oscar.
Oscar Goldman.

She gulps her drink.
Freaking out.

HOLLY
Nice -- name.

FEO
What a weird night.
Oscar disappears,
then the robbery at the liquor store --
(beat)
And then I meet you.

He takes a sip of his drink.
Stares at her.
A lightbulb POPS.

FEO
Wait a minute.
I thought you looked familiar --

UNDER THE BAR
Holly pulls the gun out of her purse.

HOLLY
Smiles strangely.

HOLLY
Familiar? How?

FEO
The video of the liquor store on AMZ --

HOLLY
JAMS the gun in his crotch. HARD.

FEO
Winces in pain.

FEO
OW. What the --

HOLLY
(sharp whisper)
It’s a gun.
And I’ll use it if you don’t shut the fuck up.
Pay the bartender,
and then we’re going up to my room.

FEO
Please don’t shoot.
Can’t we -- talk about this?

PUSH IN ON Holly’s face.
Blinking back frightened tears.

HOLLY
(low, throaty)
Do what I say,
or I’ll blow your fucking nuts off.
I’ve already killed two people tonight,
I’m really drunk,
and I’m not in the fucking MOOD.

Beggars Can't Be Choosers

Goodbye, Ruby Tuesday, will they hang a noose on you? Welcome back, crime fiends, to the coolest joint in cyberspace, where the chicks are hot, the cocktails are strong, and the hardboiled pulp is brutal ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES ...

When we last left hooker Alona Tal, she was tricking with prep school teacher Gill Sherry in her sleazy motel room, as she needs to raise five grand to pay for 'dead body removal' of the stiff under her bed. Problem is, Gill discovers the body, and things take a turn for the worse ...


INT. ALONA’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Alona and Gill lie in her bed, making love, Alona on top.
They both reach an earth-shattering orgasm.
Clench each other for dear life. Stop. Silence.

Alona reaches for her smokes. Lights one up.
Blows a lazy smoke ring. Gill closes his eyes. Sighs.

GILL
You send me, my angel --
(opens them)
I think I hurt my back.
What you got under the bed?
A suitcase?

Alona picks up her cup of vodka.
Takes a big hit.

ALONA
That’s Oscar.

GILL
Oscar? I don’t -- understand.

ALONA
Another -- client.
(off his stare)
Earlier tonight, things got a little rough --
Holly thought I was in danger --
and she came in and --
(beat)
Stabbed him.

GILL
What the FUCK? There’s a --
(looks down)
Dead body under the bed?

ALONA
Surprise.

GILL
We have to call the police.

ALONA
No. No cops.

GILL
But what are you going to --

ALONA
GILL. Be quiet, listen to me.
Some people are on their way here to --
take care of it.
(beat)
Problem is, they’re expensive.
I need your help.

Pause.

GILL
H-how much?

ALONA
Five grand.
We’ve got almost a third.
Beggar and Holly are out getting more --
don’t ask --
and I thought maybe --
(beat)
You could go to a cash machine?

GILL
Jesus Christ, Alona -- a DEAD BODY?

ALONA
You say you love me?
Now’s the time to prove it.
I need your help, Gill --

GILL
(head spinning)
Okay, okay -- yeah, sure -- I, I, --
(thinks)
But I can only take out five-hundred at a time --

ALONA
Yeah, but that plus the three-hundred
you gave me makes a nice dent.

GILL
Can I stay here with you?
Until -- they get here?

ALONA
I’m not sure when Beggar’ll be back.
You know how he is.

Gill gets up.
Starts putting his jeans on.
Scared. Angry.

GILL
Yeah, I get it.
Beggars CAN be choosers --

Holy Whips And Chains, Batman!

Happy Monday, crime slicksters. Are you ready for another heaping slab of hardboiled pulp, served with a side order of noir? Then get your tight little asses over to the coolest joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's episode of BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES, where the plot not only thickens, it congeals.

First up, we meed Vlad the impaler and his goth beauty Anya, who are about to rob a dungeon on their way to go help the gang get rid of the dead body. Meanwhile, drug dealer Beggar Leck cruises over to a ritzy party at a rooftop condo at the beach where he hopes to sell his wares in order to pay Vlad for his ungodly services ...


EXT. LONG BEACH DOCKS - WAREHOUSE - NIGHT
A shitty, old crumbling building at the far end of the docks.
A cluster of expensive CARS and LIMOS are parked in front.
A BLACK HUMMER pulls into a space. Stops.

INT. HUMMER - CONTINUOUS
We see Vlad behind the wheel, rakish in black leather and studs.
In the passenger seat is Anya, resplendent in vinyl,
rubber and chrome against milky white flesh.

VLAD
Welcome to hell, my little turtle-dove.

ANYA
Is new dungeon. My heart is all a-flutter.

He pulls out a pair of black masks. Hands her one.
They put them on. Look at each other. Smile.

ANYA (CONT’D)
Holy whips and chains, Batman.
(laughs)
I’m wet already.

Vlad pulls out a bottle of pills.
Flips it open with a thumbnail.
Chugs a fistful.
CRUNCHES them in his mouth.

Reaches under the seat.
Pulls out a sawed-off shotgun.

Anya opens the glove box.
Takes out a gleaming, chrome 44 Magnum.

They both CLICK the safeties.

VLAD
Ready to fuck perverts?

ANYA
Can we perhaps -- sample merchandise first?

VLAD
But of course. Anything for my dark angel.

He takes her gloved hand. Kisses it.

VLAD (CONT’D)
You are a vision of unholy beauty.
A luscious flower in urban decay.

ANYA
Oh, Vlad. Moonlight becomes you.

VLAD
I would die without you.
(raise his gun)
Let’s go rob kinky motherfuckers blind.

Anya puts her hand on his gun barrel. Strokes it.

ANYA
How you say -- Vlad the Impaler?

EXT. BEACHFRONT CONDO - NIGHT
The wind off the ocean WHIPS the palm trees in front of --
A gleaming, silver three-story single residence right on the sand.
Lights BLAZING. We can see through the windows that a party is raging.
Loud MUSIC blares.

EXT. BEACHFRONT CONDO - ROOF DECK - CONTINUOUS
Eerily lit by tiki torches. Nasty, throbbing techno.
A giant four-poster bed in the middle of the patio, facing the ocean.
A gaggle of HARD-CORE PARTIERS, a rough-looking crowd,
circle around it smoking, drinking. And watching --

A COUPLE
On the bed. Fucking their brain out.

The GUY (30’S) is Lief, flabby ‘attorney to the stars,’
giving it really hard to an EMACIATED STARLET (17),
who is SHRIEKING with abandon.

A giant MOUND OF COKE
Sits on a glass table nearby.

A SLUTTY CHICK
Scoops up a chunk on a long, purple fingernail.
INHALES it.

SLUTTY CHICK
(rubs her nose)
Whoah, got a fucking ROCK.

BEGGAR
Appears in the doorway to the roof with a beer.
He scans the crowd. Shakes his head in disbelief.

BEGGAR
I’ve died and gone to Kid Rock heaven.

He walks over to a pale, meth-skinny GLAM ROCKER
checking his eye-makeup. Taps him on the shoulder.

BEGGAR (CONT’D)
Hey, Fall Out Boy -- you seen Lief?

Meth-Skinny turns and looks.
Grins a sickly smile. Points.

METH-SKINNY
Right there, on the Sit N’ Sleep.
(chuckles)
I mean, the fuck and suck.

Beggar looks at --

THE COUPLE
Rapidly approaching lift-off.

AN EMACIATED BIMBO
(20s), all legs, hair and Dolce and Gabana,
sidles up to Beggar.
Points her cigar at him.
Nods at the bed, eyes gleaming, swirling on Ecstacy.

EMACIATED BIMBO
Hallo, Mickey Roarke.
Vant to go next?

BEGGAR
(sips his beer)
No thanks, baby.
(looks her up and down)
Already took out the Eurotrash tonight.

We've Got To Stop Meeting Like This

Happy Friday, hardboiled crime slicksters. Welcome to the land that time forgot. The land of the lost. A tiny, dark sliver of cyberspace so depraved, so demented, that only fools dare to tread ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES, where the plot thickens ...

Our friends at the Starlight Hotel in Venice Beach have to raise five grand in order to dispose of the dead body, so ... hooker Alona Tal meets with her client, prep school teacher Gill Sherry, drug deal Beggar Leck arranges to sell some coke, and boozy screenwriter has drinks with movie biz assistant Feo, with a view to robbing him ...


INT. HOLLY’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM -NIGHT
Holly walks in the room carrying a bottle of vodka, goes to her desk.
Sits. Pours two fingers. Downs it.
Punches PLAY on her boombox.

The anguished, brittle, tortured sound of Portishead
oozes out the speakers like a wound.

She opens her laptop. Boots it up. Looks at the screen.

ON THE MONITOR
We see the screenplay she’s working on. It reads:

INT. MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Molly leans against the wall.
Listening to the sound of love-making in the next room.
She reaches down. Touches herself.

HOLLY
SLAPS the computer closed.

HOLLY
Fucking SHIT.

She pours another one. Downs it.
Stands. A bit wobbly.

HOLLY (CONT’D)
Need to get -- more money.

Holly pours one more for courage. Slugs it down.
Grabs her purse. Pulls the gun from the robbery out. Checks it.

HOLLY (CONT’D)
Time to cut to the chase.

INT. BEGGAR’S BMW CONVERTIBLE - NIGHT
Beggars sits in his car in the rear parking lot of the hotel.
Dials a number on his cell. Listens.

BEGGAR
Lief, hey -- it’s Beggar.
(beat)
I just got a kilo of primo booger sugar, and I thought of you --
(beat)
You having a party? Well, that’s even better --
(beat)
You know I’m cool. I won’t tell anyone --
(beat)
WHO?
(beat)
You’re shitting me.

INT. THE STARLIGHT LOUNGE - NIGHT
Some strange 60’s lounge classic plays like Yma Sumac on the jukebox.
Alona and Gill sit at the bar with cocktails.

ALONA
So what are you gonna do now?

GILL
Well, I still have my job --
(beat)
And I still have you.

ALONA
Gill, I’m with Beggar.
You know that. You’re a friend.

GILL
I know to you I’m just a client,
but I can tell you feel something when we make love.
I can feel it.

ALONA
My dear, sweet Gill -- the incurable romantic.

GILL
I wish you’d let me take you away from all of this, Alona.
(gestures)
This place is a dive. A cesspool --

The BARTENDER looks up. Pissed off.

ALONA
Gill, I like my life just the way it is. No strings.
Nothing to tie me down. If I get tired of it, I can just split.
(beat)
And I like sex too much.

GILL
(finishes his drink)
Speaking of sex, let’s go upstairs.
I need to quench my thirst from your heavenly fountain.

ALONA
Heavenly fountain?
(drains her drink)
Kitchen sink is more like it.

EXT. STARLIGHT HOTEL - NIGHT
Holly comes down the front steps. Weaving a little.
She stops. Looks around.
Sees a crowd of ONLOOKERS
in front of the liquor store crime scene.

Feo, still sitting on the park bench, sees Holly.

FEO
Hey, there.
(smiles)
We’ve got to stop meeting like this.

HOLLY
(sees him)
Oh. Hey.
(points at the crowd)
What’s -- going on?

FEO
Some chick knocked off the liquor store
with a couple of gang-bangers, then shot one of ‘em.
(holds up I-phone)
Wanna see the footage?

She stares. He saw it?
But doesn’t recognize her?

HOLLY
(trying to be casual)
Sure.

Holly sits down.
He holds up the phone in front of her.

ON THE SCREEN
We see grainy, black and white footage of the robbery,
with Holly seen from the rear.
She SHOOTS the gang-banger.
He falls. She grabs the liquor, RUNS into the back.

HOLLY
Looks at Feo.

HOLLY (CONT’D)
Huh. Looks kinda like me.

FEO
Nah. She looks vicious. You’re kinda cute.

HOLLY
You really --
(hiccups)
Really think so?

FEO
Yeah. If I didn’t have a -- situation to take care of,
I’d ask you if I could buy you a drink.

HOLLY
(points)
Hotel’s got a bar, right there.
Buy me a drink, we can talk about it?
(weird smile)
Maybe I can help.

FEO
You’re on.
(beat)
Don’t worry, I don’t kiss and tell.

HOLLY
That’s a shame. I do.

Why Do You Think They Call It A Stiff?

Happy Thursday, hardboiled crime slicksters. Are you ready to get down and dirty? Violent and bloody? Then you've come to the right place, where the chicks are hot, the drinks are cold, and the bodies are dead ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES, where things are getting a bit ... stiff.

Hooker Alona Tal's trick Gill Sherry has been kicked out of his house by his wife for cheating on her ... with Alona ... so now he's shown up on her doorstep, looking for love. Problem is, she's first got to hide the dead body in her room ...


INT. ALONA'S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
A soft KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK at the door.
They all look at each other, scared.

GILL (O.C.)
Alona? Are you in there?
It’s me, Gill.
Donna kicked me out --

ALONA
(whispers)
What the fuck?
(goes to the door)
Right now’s not a good time, Gill.
I’m kinda busy.

BEGGAR
(whispers)
Gill? The teacher? The trick?
(off her nod)
Tell him to meet you in the bar,
we’ll get outta here, and you can do him.

GILL (O.C.)
Alona?

ALONA
I have company, Gill. Beggar’s here.
Meet me downstairs in the bar in a couple minutes, okay?

GILL (O.C.)
Okay, okay -- thank you, my love.
I’ll see you down in the bar.

BEGGAR
(looks at Holly)
Okay, we’re outta here.

HOLLY
What about --
(points at the body)
Him?

BEGGAR
Shit.
(thinks)
Under the bed.
(to Alona)
C’mon, help me.

ALONA
Over my dead --
(beat)
Okay.

Beggar and Alona each take an end of Oscar’s body.
Start to slide it toward the bed.

ALONA (CONT’D)
He’s so -- stiff.

BEGGAR
Why do you think they call it a fucking STIFF?

They start to push him under the bed,
but his stomach’s too big. Doesn’t quite fit.

ALONA
Shit.

BEGGAR
C’mon, PUSH.

Beggar and Alona put their hands on his side, and PUSH.
It doesn’t move.

BEGGAR (CONT'D)
HARDER.

They PUSH again. Nothing.

HOLLY
Let me try.

ALONA
You fucking kidding me?

BEGGAR
(stands back)
Be my guest.

Holly takes a few steps back,
races toward the body,
and KICKS it with animal strength.
It POPS under the bed, THWUNK.

ALONA
Holy shit.

BEGGAR
How did you --

HOLLY
(faint smile)
Used to play soccer.

Alona pulls the bedspread down, hiding it.

ALONA
Okay, you guys split.

Time for me to get in character.

BEGGAR
Oh, yeah? What character?

PUSH IN ON Alona.
Resigned to her fate.

ALONA
Used to be Lady Madonna --
(beat)
Now it’s Lady Macbeth.

Don't Get Your Speedo In A Bind

Happy Hump Day, crime humpster-fuckers. Get ready to take a trip to the dark side, where your most depraved fantasies become sins of the flesh ... where the hardboiled pulp is served cold ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's steaming slab of noir from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES ...

Things have from bad to worse for our friends at the Starlight Hotel on the Venice Boardwalk. Hooker Alona Tal, drug dealer Beggar Leck and boozy screenwriter Holly Land have just discovered that it will cost them 5 grand to get rid of the dead body in the room ... so they start counting their money, and start plotting on how to get enough scratch to do the dirty deed ...


EXT. STARLIGHT HOTEL - PARK BENCH - NIGHT
Feo sits on the bench. Watching the commotion at the crime scene.
Starts flipping through websites on his BlackBerry.

FEO
(looks)
Maybe I can find something about it --
(stares)
Holy SHIT.

ON THE PHONE
We see the robbery at Davey Jones’ Liquor Locker
unfolding in grainy black and white.
And there’s our plucky little killer, Holly --
blowing gang-banger’s brains out.

FEO
Stares at the screen.

FEO (CONT'D)
I just SAW her somewhere.

Gill walks up to the bench carrying a suitcase.
Gestures toward the news vans,
the cops, the onlookers.

GILL
What’s going on over there?

FEO
Liquor store holdup.

GILL
Why all the media?

FEO
Three people were killed.
Two robbers and the clerk.
(looks at the screen)
What I can’t figure is how the girl was involved.
These guys were serious gang-bangers,
and she looks like Tori Amos.

INT. ALONA’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Beggar shuts off his phone.
Looks at Alona and Holly,
sitting on the bed together.
Sipping vodka in their plastic cups.

BEGGAR
It’s all set. Vlad’ll be here at five AM.
Problem is, he wants five grand to take care of it.

ALONA
FIVE THOUSAND?
We don’t have that kind of scratch.

BEGGAR
How much do you have?

ALONA
I’ve got a couple hundred saved,
but that’s for an emergency.

BEGGAR
What the fuck do you think THIS is?

ALONA
Alright, alright. Don’t get your speedo in a bind.

She gets up goes to the desk.
Opens up a drawer.
Takes out a book. Opens it.
We see it’s hollowed-out.
She pulls out a wad of cash.
Starts counting it.

BEGGAR
(to Holly)
What about you?
How much do you have?

HOLLY
I don’t know -- about fifty bucks?
I don’t get paid at the book store
until day after tomorrow --

BEGGAR
Well, you better figure out how to get more,
because YOU got us into this mess.

Alona finishes counting.
SLAPS the money in Beggar’s hand.

ALONA
Three hundred and twenty-six bucks, bucko.
Don’t spend it all in one place.

BEGGAR
Okay, so with Gidget’s fifty bucks,
we’re close to four hundred --

He takes out his wallet.
Counts his money.

BEGGAR (CONT’D)
I’ve got hundred and ten --
(grins)
Wait a minute.
I’m freaking out, I’m not thinking.
I just got a bag of blow to sell.
I’ll make some calls --
(thinks)
Yeah. There’s that yuppie lawyer asshole in Santa Monica --
(looks at Holly)
And if Gidget here can dig up some more,
we might be okay.

HOLLY
How am I supposed to get more money?

ALONA
Lay off her, Beggar. She’s just a kid.
I can turn a couple of tricks --

A soft KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK at the door.
They all look at each other, scared.

Come To Poppa, My Kinky One

Happy Tuesday, hardboiled crime slicksters. Are you ready for a balls-out action-thrill ride? Then strap yourself in, pack your favorite piece, and get your tight little asses over to the coolest joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's steaming hot slice of pulp, courtesy of BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES.

Hooker Alona Tal, drug dealer Begger Leck and boozy screenwriter Holly Land are holed up in Alona's shitty hotel room at the beach trying to figure out how to dispose of a dead body. So, who they gonna call? Perverted crime boss Vlad Turgenov and his kinky squeeze, Anya, THAT'S who ...


INT. ALONA’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Alona and Holly sit on the bed, drinking vodka from plastic cups.
Beggar looks out the window at the action outside.
Takes hits of a joint. Passes it to Alona.

ALONA
(takes it)
Thanks --

HOLLY
It seemed to happen in slow motion --

ALONA
(takes a hit)
Fucking unreal.

HOLLY
It all happened so fast.
There was no time to think.
The bullets were FLYING --

BEGGAR
(turns, looks)
Our little girl’s good with knives AND guns --

Beggar’s phone RINGS.
He pulls it out. Answers it.

BEGGAR (CONT’D)
About fucking time --
(listens)
Vlad, hey. Yeah, it’s urgent.
We’ve got a -- a situation here.
We need your help.
(listens)
There was a -- an accident.
Someone was killed.
We need help getting rid of the body.
(listens)
Yeah. The Starlight Hotel, right on the boardwalk.
(listens)
What do you mean it’s on the news?
Nobody knows about it --
(realizes)
That’s something else.
Somebody jacked the corner liquor store --
(listens)
Well, yeah -- there’s cops around.
But they’ll go away.
(listens)
In the morning? But --
(listens)
FIVE GRAND?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. SLEAZY APARTMENT - NIGHT
Vlad sits on an overstuffed sofa in his opium den of a joint.
Smoking a cigarette. Talking on his phone.

VLAD
Did you think we would provide service for FREE?

BEGGAR
Well, since you put it that way --

VLAD
And you do realize we will ask you to return the favor?
That you will become part of family?

BEGGAR
Yeah. Of course.

VLAD
Good. We’ll be there at five AM.
Before sunrise.

BEGGAR
Okay. Thanks.

VLAD
No. Thank you --

He hangs up.
Pours a shot of vodka.
DOWNS it. Calls out.

VLAD (CONT’D)
Anya, I have news.

ANYA (O.C.)
Oh, yeah? What is news?

ANYA TURGENEV (20’s) walks into the room.
Hot. Cold. Curvy. Raven-haired. Blood red lips.
Former stripper. Miles of milk white legs.
Serpent tatoo near the hemline. Ouch.

VLAD
Road trip.

ANYA
Ooh. Goody. Where to?

VLAD
Venice Beach, baby.

ANYA
What is job?

VLAD
Disposal of -- human remains.

ANYA
Ahhhhh. You know how to make girl happy.

VLAD
Come to Poppa, my kinky one.

She does. Crawls into his lap.
He strokes her hair.

ANYA
(sings softly)
'They asked me how I knew,
my true love was true -- '

VLAD
(sings)
'I of course replied, when a true love dies --'

ANYA
'Blood gets in your eyes.'

They stare at each other.
Then ERUPT with laughter.

My Alona

You say rainy days and Mondays let you down? Well, do you feel like doing something about it? Well, do you, punk? Ask yourself, do you feel lucky? Do you? Then why not get some quick, fast-acting hardboiled pulp relief ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES, where the plot not only thickens, it congeals ...

Having escaped the bloody holdup at the corner liquor store, boozy screenwriter Holly Land makes it back to hooker Alona Tal's seedy motel room with the blood-splattered vodka. Meanwhile, prep school teacher Gill Sherry gets busted by his wife for sleeping with Alona, and gets kicked out of the house ...


EXT. VENICE BOARDWALK BACK ALLEY - NIGHT
Holly runs toward the street. Stops.
Sees a small cardboard box.
Puts the bottles in it.
Hurries on her way.

ON THE BOARDWALK
Holly walks carefully, looking around.
Sees a big CROWD gathering ahead.
POLICE OFFICERS. A NEWS VAN pulls up.

HOLLY
Holy shit.

She gets to entrance of the hotel.
Hurries up the stairs.

FEO
Sits on a nearby bench facing the hotel.
Fingers working madly on his BlackBerry.
He looks up. Sees her.

FEO
Same chick. Wouldn’t mind hitting that.

INT. ALONA’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Alona sits on the bed. Beggar paces the room.
CLICKS his cell phone shut with disgust.

BEGGAR
Fucking Russian bastard --

A soft KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK at the door.

ALONA
Holly?

HOLLY (O.S.)
Yeah.

Beggar goes to the door. Opens it.
Holly comes in carrying her box.
Stares at them. Looking spooked.

ALONA
Holly? What’s wrong?

Holly goes to the bed. Sits.
Puts down the box. Stares.

HOLLY
There was -- a robbery.

Alona opens the box. Looks inside.
Takes out the vodka bottles.
Sees that they’re blood-splattered.

ALONA
What the hell HAPPENED?

BEGGAR
What did you DO?

Holly takes out a bottle of vodka.
Unscrews the cap.
Takes a long drink. Sighs.
Wipes her mouth.

HOLLY
I went to the liquor store --
a-and these gang-bangers robbed it --
(another drink)
And they, and they --

She breaks down. Sobbing.
Alona takes her in her arms.
Comforts her. Strokes her hair.

ALONA
There, there. It’s okay.

A siren WHOOP-WHOOPS outside.
Beggar goes to the window.
Opens it. Looks out.

BEGGAR
Holy fucking shit.
It's like an episode of COPS out there --

INT. GILL’S BUNGALOW - BATHROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
A cloud of steam swirls around the bathroom.
Behind the rippled glass of the door, we see a MALE FIGURE.

IN THE SHOWER
Gill is soaping and scrubbing himself.
His face stuck under the hot spray of water.
Eyes closed.

GILL
(sings, ala My Sharona)
M-m-m-my Alona ---

Soapy hands reach down.
Massaging his manhood. He smiles.

GILL (CONT’D)
Never gonna give it up,
never gonna stop,
such a dirty mind --

His body JERKS.

GILL (CONT'D)
Ooh, you make my motor run, motor run --

DONNA (O.C.)
GILL! Get THE FUCK out of the shower RIGHT NOW!

Gill’s eyes FLY OPEN.
He stops jerking off. What the fuck?
He turns off the water. Opens the shower door.

DONNA
Stands in the bathroom doorway.
Eyes blazing.

GILL
What’s wrong?
Jesus Christ, you scared the fucking shit out of me.

He grabs a towel.
Wraps it around his waist.

DONNA
I called Sheila, Brub’s wife --

GILL
What?

DONNA
(hisses)
You didn’t have drinks with him.
He’s HOME SICK.

GILL
Did I say Brub? I mean Bob --

She holds up a pair of his underwear.

DONNA
And I found these in the hamper.
They’re ENCRUSTED with COME STAINS.

GILL
Donna, I can EXPLAIN --

DONNA
Bull-fucking SHIT.
You’ve been fucking CHEATING ON ME AGAIN,
and I want you OUT OF MY FUCKING HOUSE -- NOW!

GILL
Wait, can’t we talk about this?

DONNA
(screams)
What the FUCK is there to TALK ABOUT?
You’re screwing ANOTHER WOMAN, AGAIN.
(hisses)
If it’s one of your fucking students,
I swear I’m gonna call the cops myself.
(STOMPS her foot)
Get the FUCK out of my house, NOW.

GILL
But --

Donna GRABS a bottle of shampoo.
THROWS it at him.
It HITS him in the chest, THWAP.

DONNA
GET OUT! NOW!

GILL
Okay, ALRIGHT.
(eyes tearing up)
No need for you get violent --

No Woman, No Cry

Happy Friday, crime motherfuckers! Are you ready for a balls-out joyride to hell? A non-stop rollercoaster of harboiled-pulp thrills that will leave you black and blue and begging for more? Then get your action-starved asses over to the coolest joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's steaming hot slice of crime, courtesy of BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES.

Boozy screenwriter has escaped the bloody hell of dealing with a dead body in hooker Alona Talls room and has gone out to get more vodka ... and walks right into a liquor store robbery, where blood and booze get spilled ...


EXT. DAVEY JONES’ LIQUOR LOCKER - NIGHT
An old, nasty liquor store on a cobblestoned side street.
A hand-lettered sign in the window reads NO CHECKS.

A pair of tiny, VICIOUS-LOOKING GANG-BANGERS (20’s) loiter outside.
Holly eyes them. Hurries into the store. In a daze.

INT. DAVEY JONES’ LIQUOR LOCKER - CONTINUOUS
Holly glides over to the counter. Looks at the row of vodka bottles.
The CLERK, a tall Rasta in shades (30’s)
with dreads down to his waist ambles over.
No woman, no cry indeed.

RASTA WEARING SHADES
What can I get you, mon?

HOLLY
Can I get --
(looks)
Two bottles of Absolut?

RASTA WEARING SHADES
(grins)
Absolutely.
(turns, grabs the bottles)
You havin’ a party?

The gang-bangers BURST into the store.
Holding small, piece-of-shit gats.

The taller one RUSHES the counter.
PUSHES Holly out of the way.
She hits the floor, THWUMP.

TALLER, VICIOUS-LOOKING GANG-BANGER
(SHOVES the gun in Rasta’s face)
Open the register, homes -- NOW!

Rasta stares at him wide-eyed.
Must be the sticky kush.

UNDER THE COUNTER
With one hand, he reaches for a sawed-off shotgun.

BEHIND THE COUNTER
With the other, he opens the drawer.
Starts to grab the cash.

TALL RASTA
Okay, mon -- easy now.
I give you the money --

HOLLY
Lies on the floor.
Staring at them.
Freaking out.

TALLER, VICIOUS-LOOKING
Waves the gun, impatient.

TALLER, VICIOUS-LOOKING GANG-BANGER
Hurry up, MOTHERFUCKER.

RASTA
FLIPS the gun up.
SHOOTS Tall’s head off. BANG.

Blood, brains and bone SPLATTER the display behind him.
His piece goes FLYING, skitters across the floor --
Landing right next to Holly. She GRABS it.

SHORT, UGLY GANG-BANGER
Races toward the counter. SCREAMING.
Shoots Rasta in the head.
BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG.

RASTA
Falls over, dead. THWUNK.

SHORT, UGLY
Races over to the counter.
Scoops up the money into a plastic shopping bag.
GRABS a bottle of something expensive.

HOLLY
Stands behind him.
Holding her gun in both hands.

HOLLY
(screeches)
DON’T MOVE!
Or I’ll fucking SHOOT!

SHORT, UGLY GANG-BANGER
(whirls around)
Fuck you, BITCH.

Holly SHOOTS him in the shoulder. BANG.
He DROPS the bag.

SHORT, UGLY GANG-BANGER (CONT’D)
What THE FUCK?

HOLLY
SHUT UP!

And she FIRES again.
BANG. BANG. BANG.
Gets him in the arm. The leg.
He falls, GASPING.

The bottle hits the floor. POP.
Booze and blood start to form a sick-looking puddle.

SHORT, UGLY GANG-BANGER
Fucking CUNT. You SHOT ME --

He lies there. Bleeding. Struggles to raise his gun.

SHORT, UGLY GANG-BANGER (CONT’D)
I’m gonna -- kill ---

She moves closer. Fires again. BANG.
Gets him right between the eyes.
Lights out.

Holly SCREAMS.

HOLLY
FUUUCK!

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
Holy SHIT.

Holly turns. Looks.
Sees a CROWD OF PEOPLE outside the door.
She sticks the gun in her pants.
GRABS the bottles of vodka --
And RACES into the back of the store.

CLOSE ON --
A video camera on the ceiling.
Red light BLINKING.

Balls For Breakfast

Happy Thursday, crimebusters. Are you ready for another steaming slab of hardboiled pulp, served with a side order of violence? Then pack your piece, slap on your ski mask, and head on over to the most twisted place in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES, where the plot is about to get thicker ...

Boozy screenwriter Holly Land has left the hotel to get more booze, while hooker Alona Tal and drug dealer Beggar Leck deal with agent Oscar Goldman's dead body in her room. Meanwhile, Oscar's assistant Feo is right outside, urgently looking for him, because he has a script that MUST be read tonight ...


EXT. VENICE BOARDWALK - STARLIGHT HOTEL - NIGHT
Holly walks out the front entrance. Stops. Looks at --

A STREET PERFORMER (30’s), a small, compact black guy,
wearing nothing but a black thong and sneakers, hair tied back in a bun.
Ambling down the boulevard. Commuting home.

She stares. Shakes her head.
Turns. Starts walking.

Coming right toward her is a FILM BIZ ASSISTANT (25),
geeky in a black suit and tie.
Carrying a big envelope. He sees Holly.

FILM BIZ ASSISTANT
Excuse me, Miss -- ?

HOLLY
(stops)
Yeah?

FILM BIZ ASSISTANT
Is there a hotel near here?

HOLLY
(points behind her)
Yeah. The Starlight.
Just a few doors down.

She weaves a little.
Tries for a smile.

FILM BIZ ASSISTANT
(looks, sees it)
Thanks.

HOLLY
Sure.

Holly continues walking.
He watches her.

FILM BIZ ASSISTANT
God, I love this neighborhood.

INT. THE STARLIGHT HOTEL - FRONT DESK - NIGHT
A tiny room. Beyond old and weathered. Peeling paint.
A single desk lamp shines over --

THE CLERK (50’s), a tall, skinny, strange-looking ex-hippie
with a shock of long white hair. Bad false teeth. A hawk-like nose.
Which right now has a finger in it, digging for gold.

Meet BUNKY MERTZ, glory days now long-gone.
Natty in a tie-dyed Grafeful Dead T-shirt and parachute pants.

Film Biz walks up to the counter.
Sees Bunky. Looks worried.

BUNKY
Evenin’. Can I help you?

FILM BIZ ASSISTANT
Hi. I’m looking for my boss.
He’s a guest at your --
(looks around distastefully)
Hotel.

BUNKY
What’s his name?

FILM BIZ ASSISTANT
Oscar Goldman.

BUNKY
(opens the register)
When did he check in?

FILM BIZ ASSISTANT
Last night.

Bunky scans the names with a long, nicotine-stained finger.

BUNKY
Goldman, Goldman --
(finishes)
Nope. No Goldman.

FILM BIZ ASSISTANT
Did you did that kinda quickly.
Do you mind checking again?

BUNKY
Only one person checked in tonight.
(squints)
Greta Bruckheimer.
(grins)
German tourist.

FILM BIZ ASSISTANT
(to himself)
Shit. That’s right --
(to Bunky)
Wait a minute.
He was visiting a guest of yours,
not checking in.
Maybe you saw him.
He’s average height, dark hair,
wearing an expensive suit?

BUNKY
Sorry, just got here.
I’m the night man.

FILM BIZ ASSISTANT
(sighs)
Okay. Thanks --
(pulls out his card, gives it)
If you see him,
would you please call me?
It’s REALLY urgent.

BUNKY
(nods)
Will do.
(smiles)
Have a good night, man.
(watches him leave, under his breath)
Yuppie capitalist pig --

EXT. STARLIGHT HOTEL - NIGHT - MOMENTS LATER
Film Biz stands on the boardwalk talking on his BlackBerry.

FILM BIZ ASSISTANT
Hey, it’s Feo. I’m flipping out here.
I’ve got the new Parker script
for Oscar to read tonight,
and I can’t find him.
Did he call Nigel,
say where he was going?
(listens)
Shit.
(listens)
Yeah, the new Parker script.
You know what’s gonna happen
if I DON’T get it to him tonight?
(listens)
'Balls for breakfast' doesn't BEGIN to cover it.

Horny Bastard, Not With A Dead Body In The Room

Happy Hump Day, crime slicksters. You say you're disgruntled? Not getting a fair shake in life? Mad as hell, and can't take it anymore? Then get your tight little assess over to the coolest crime joint in cyberspace and vent your anger ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's steamin'g slice of hardboiled pulp, in BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES ...

Hooker Alona Tal and boozy screenwriter Holly Land have been mopping up the blood from the dead body in Alona's hotel room, when Alona's drug dealer boyfriend Begger Leck returns with bad news: he can't get a hold of his criminal friends, and they just might have to get rid of the body themselves ...


INT. ALONA'S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
A KNOCK-KNOCK on the door. Alona walks over.
Opens it. Beggar stumbles in.

BEGGAR
Honey, I’m home --

ALONA
Hey, babe.

BEGGAR
(looking at Holly)
How’s Junior Miss holding up?

ALONA
She’s okay.
(looks at Holly)
Right, hun?

HOLLY
I guess so.

BEGGAR
(looks at the body)
I called Vlad, left a voice mail.
Hasn’t called me back yet.

ALONA
Shit. What are we gonna do?

BEGGAR
We’ve got two choices --
either wait for him to call back,
or take care of it ourselves.

ALONA
Take care of it OURSELVES?

BEGGAR
I say we get high,
screw our brains out,
and wait for him to call.
(smiles)
Be a lot more fun than disposing
of a dead body, don’t you think?
(looks at Holly)
Whattya say, girlie?
A little stress-reliever?

HOLLY
Oh no, I can’t --
(looks at the body, shivers)
Not with --

ALONA
Horny bastard.
Not with a dead body in the room.
(beat)
Can’t you see she’s freaked out?

BEGGAR
(looks at the body)
Guess you’re right.

He goes to the table.
Picks up the empty vodka bottle.

BEGGAR (CONT’D)
We need more booze.

HOLLY
(jumps up)
I’ll go. I need to get some air.

ALONA
Good idea.
I’ll roll up a couple of joints for when you get back.

Beggar pulls out his wallet.
Gives Holly some cash.

BEGGAR
Here. Get a couple of liters of the good stuff,
Absolut or Grey Goose. Plain.
None of that flavored shit.

HOLLY
(takes it)
Okay. I’ll be right back.

She goes to the door.

ALONA
It’ll be okay, babe.
Hurry back. We’ll figure it out.

Holly flashes a strange smile. Leaves.
Beggar sits next to Alona on the bed.
Strokes her hair.

BEGGAR
How about a quickie while she’s --

ALONA
(WHACKS his hand away)
Didn’t you hear me?
Not with a fucking dead body in the room.

BEGGAR
Alright, alright.
(pulls out phone)
I’ll try Vlad the Impaler again.

Alona opens a cigar box on the bedside table.
Pulls out a bag of weed.
Some rolling papers.
Starts making a joint.

ALONA
Fucking Russians. Unreliable.
(licks the paper)
And they call themselves ‘criminals.’

Mirror, Mirror, On The Wall : Who's The Most Fucked-Up Of All?

Happy Tuesday, crime motherfuckers. Ready to get your hardboiled-pulp-noir groove on? Then settle back, put your feet up on the desk, pop open a cold one, and get ready for the thrill ride of our life ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's bloody joint from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES ...

Where, deep in the bowels of the dive hotel The Starlight on the Venice boardwalk, hooker Alona Tal and boozy screenwriter Holly land are right now disposing of a dead body ...


INT. ALONA’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
The dead agent’s been turned over on his stomach.
We can see the scissor handles sticking out of his back.

Alona mops up the blood with a towel.
Holly sits on the bed, staring.
Holding the bottle.

ALONA
God, this is disgusting.
It’s all I can do not to puke --

She tosses the towel into a plastic bucket.
Now filled with bloody towels.
She looks at Holly.

ALONA (CONT’D)
Can I get a hit of that?

Holly holds it up-side down. Empty.

HOLLY
All gone. Sorry --

ALONA
Shit.
(thinks)
I’ve got some weed.
We’ll smoke one when we’re done.
Let’s wrap him up, okay?

HOLLY
Okay. Be right back --

She slides off the bed.
Puts the bottle down. Pads into --

THE BATHROOM
Where she RIPS the shower curtain off its rings.
She stops. Looks at her reflection in the mirror.
Haunted. Scared.

HOLLY (CONT’D)
Mirror, mirror, on the wall --
(hiccups)
Who’s the most fucked-up of all?

IN THE BEDROOM
Holly drags the curtain behind her.
Walks over to Alona and the body.
Places it down on the floor.

ALONA
Some fucked-up picnic, huh?

HOLLY
How can you make jokes at a time like this?
Aren’t you -- scared? I am --

ALONA
Watching daddy beat mommy as a little girl
gives a gal a strange sense of humor.

HOLLY
Ohmigod, I’m sorry.
That must have been -- horrible.

ALONA
It was long time ago, baby.
C’mon, let’s roll up Oscar.
Get him ready for shipping.

HOLLY
That was -- his name?

Alona nods. Goes over to the body.
Starts rolling him onto the shower curtain.
Singing softly.

ALONA
'My baloney has a first name, it’s O-S-C-A-R -- '
(looks at Holly)
Could you give me a hand? Fucker’s heavy.
(beat)
Dead weight --

She BURSTS into insane laughter.
Holly stares. Shakes her head.
Gets on her knees next to her.
They roll him onto the edge of the curtain.
Alona grabs the edge.

ALONA (CONT’D)
Okay, now --
like a fruit roll-up, let’s wrap ‘em up.

They hold the curtain against his side,
and start rolling him up like some kind of ungodly burrito.
He goes over and over,
making a sickening THUMP each time.

They finish. Exhausted.

Holly goes to the bed. Sits.
Puts her head in her hands.

HOLLY
I’m going to hell for this --

Alona sits next to her.
Cradles her in her arms.

ALONA
Honey, didn’t you know?
(beat)
We’re already there.

Motel Hell

Happy Monday, gunslingers. Are you ready for another steaming hot slice of hardboiled pulp, served with a side order of bullets? Then get up from your desk, close the blinds, load your weapon, and surrender the dark, depraved glory at ... That Killing Feeling

Onto today's joint from BLOOD GETS IN OUR EYES, where things get a bit ... messy.

First up, hooker Alona Tal and boozy screenwriter Holly Land are cleaning up the blood from the dead trick Holly 'accidentally' killed ...

Meanwhile, on a safe, surburan Santa Monica side street, Alona's client Gill Sherry must face his wife after their latest liasion, with tricky results ...


INT. ALONA’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Alona looks at Holly. Drinking vodka from the bottle.
Grimacing. Looking lost.

ALONA
Gimmee some of that.
We’ve got our work cut out for us.

HOLLY
(hands her the bottle)
What -- do you mean?

ALONA
Beggar’s on his way.
He said we gotta mop up the blood,
then wrap up the body.
Do me a favor, and go down to the front desk
and ask for some extra towels?

HOLLY
What should I say they’re for?

ALONA
(takes a swig)
I dunno, make something up.
Tell ‘em we’re having a slumber party.

HOLLY
What are we gonna wrap him up with?

ALONA
Shower curtain.

HOLLY
You mean -- like in Goodfellas?

ALONA
Nah. More like Motel Hell.

EXT. SANTA MONICA SIDE STREET - NIGHT
The moon glows like ghostly spectre through dark velvet clouds.
Not a star in the sky.

A leafy avenue a few blocks from Main Street.
Not the cheap seats, but close.
But still only ten blocks from the ocean.

A late-model Volvo comes tooling down the street. Turns into -

EXT. SUBURBAN BUNGALOW - NIGHT
A small, neat bungalow with a manicured lawn.
And yes, with a white picket fence.
The kinda joint I’ll be able to buy when I sell this screenplay.

The car pulls into the driveway. Stops. Gill gets out.
Weaves up the sidewalk into the front door of the house.

INT. GILL’S BUNGALOW - LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
A small, neat room with the typical funky decor of a liberal teacher.
Rows of books on shelves. African art.
Right now, in shadows.

Gill walks into the room.
Puts his briefcase down.

FEMALE VOICE (O.C.)
Student conferences run late?

The light SNAPS ON.

In the entranceway stands DONNA (40’s), Gill’s wife.
Still attractive, but looks weary. Worried. Alabaster skin.
No makeup. Could be a cougar, if she tried.

GILL
Hey, hon.
(yawns)
Yeah. Then I had a couple of beers with Brub.

She walks up to him.
Puts her arms around him. He tenses.

DONNA
A couple of beers? You reek of booze --

GILL
Yeah, well -- we had a couple of shots.
He needed to talk. Guy stuff, you know.
How was your day?

DONNA
The usual. Another exciting day in the chem lab.

GILL
(faint smile)
She blinded me with science --

DONNA
There’s Thai food in the fridge.
I could nuke some for you --

GILL
(pulls away from her)
Thanks, but I’m beat.
I’m gonna hit the sack.
Gonna go jump in the shower.
See you upstairs.

DONNA
(faint smile)
Be there in a sec.

He nods.
Turns, and walks away into the rear of the house.

PUSH IN ON Donna's face.
Watching him suspiciously.

My Bloody Valentine

Happy Friday, crime motherfuckers! You ready for the weak-end? Looking for some cheap, pervy thrills? Some dastardly hardboiled-pulp-noir kicks? Then get your tight little asses over to the coolest joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's spellbinding chapter of BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES ...

Boozy screenwriter Holly Land has just stabbed hooker Alona Tal's trick with a pair of scissors in the back, killing him. Problem is, it turns out he wasn't attacking Alona ... they were just playing 'what's my bondage?' So Alona calls her boyfriend, drug dealer Beggar Leck to help them take care of the body ...


INT. ALONA'S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
A sharp KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK at the door.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
HEY. Are you okay in there?

Alona and Holly look at each other. Shit.

ALONA
(whispers)
It’s the guy that just moved in down the hall --
(to the door)
Be there in a sec!
(whispers, to Holly)
Cover him with the bedspread and hide.
(off her look)
DO IT --

Holly RUNS to the bed.
Grabs the cover.
THROWS it over the body.
Dashes into the closet.

Alona RACES over to the door.
Opens it a crack.

ALONA (CONT’D)
Hi --

IN THE HALLWAY
Is a large, bald, friendly-looking GUY (20’s) with a long goatee.
Meet VERNE. The new neighbor.

VERNE
Are you okay? I heard shouting and fighting --

IN THE ROOM
Alona smiles coyly.

ALONA
Sorry about that.
Had a fight with my boyfriend.
I’m okay. He’s gone --

Verne pokes his head in. Sees she’s naked.

VERNE
Oh.
(stares)
So you’re okay --

ALONA
Yeah. I’m fine.

VERNE
You sure are.
(beat)
Boyfriend’s a lucky sumbitch.

ALONA
We have an -- open relationship.
Why don’t we -- party one of these nights?

VERNE
(aroused)
Shit, yeah.

ALONA
Cool. See ya later.
Gotta crash now. Bye.

VERNE
(as she closes the door)
Later --

The door CLICKS shut.
Holly comes out of the closet.

HOLLY
Holy shit, that was close.

ALONA
Tell me about it --
(thinks)
Shit. Now I’m gonna have to hang out with him.

HOLLY
The b-bald guy with the gross goatee?

ALONA
Yeah.

She goes over to the body. Stares at it.
Holly sits on the bed. Head in her hands.

HOLLY
I’m so sorry, Alona -- I fucked up.

ALONA
It’s okay. He was a jerk.

HOLLY
(looks up)
So who was he?

ALONA
A rich, kinky asshole. Scum of the earth.

HOLLY
A, a -- lawyer?

ALONA
Worse. An agent.
(thinks)
I gotta call Beggar.
He’ll know what to do.

Alona gets her cell phone. Dials a number. Listens.

ALONA (CONT’D)
Hey, baby -- it’s me.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. BEGGAR’S BMW CONVERTIBLE - MOVING - NIGHT
Beggar drives with the top down.

BEGGAR
(on the phone)
What’s wrong? You sound funny.

ALONA
Well, seeing as how there’s a dead body in my room --
you’d sound funny, too.

BEGGAR
What the FUCK?

ALONA
My trick, the agent.
We were playing ‘What’s My Bondage,’
Holly heard the commotion and came in to rescue me --

Holly stares.
Fighting back tears.
Goes to the table.
Gets Alona’s bottle of vodka.
Opens it. Takes a long slug.

ALONA (CONT'D)
(watches her)
And stabbed him with a pair of scissors.

BEGGAR
Jesus fucking CHRIST.

ALONA
No big loss. The guy was a real asshole.
The world’s a better place without him.

BEGGAR
But shit, Alona.
There’s a dead guy in your ROOM.

ALONA
Hey -- life gives you a lemon, you make lemonade.
(beat)
Where are you?

BEGGAR
I’m on the 405, getting near the 90.
I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.
Wrap him up in the shower curtain
and start cleaning up the blood --

ALONA
Can’t YOU do that?

BEGGAR
Time is of the essence, Alona.
You want blood seeping through the floor to the room below?

ALONA
Shit. Okay, okay.
(beat)
Are you gonna call your friends?

BEGGAR
Yeah. They’ll TAKE CARE of it.

ALONA
You -- mad at me?

BEGGAR
No, not you.
It’s just -- they want me to work for them full-time,
and if they help with this, I’m gonna owe them.

ALONA
Owe them what?

BEGGAR
Let’s just say the new guy gets to do the dirty work.
(sighs)
Just get started, and I’ll be there soon.

ALONA
Out, out damn spot.

BEGGAR
Huh?

ALONA
Never mind.
Just hurry up and get your ass over here,
my bloody valentine.

Yeah, Right - And I'm Lady Gaga

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. You looking for some hardboiled-pulp-noir action? Then you've come to the right place ... where the chicks are hot, and your darkest desires become sins of the flesh ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES, and hold onto your stick-shifts, kids, cause things are about get bloody ...

When we last left hooker Alona Tal and boozy screenwriter Holly Land, they had just had a few cocktails downstairs at the hotel bar, where they had to fend off the advances of a jerk of a reporter. Holly then went back to her room to crash, and Alona went to service another 'client,' but when Holly is awakened by Alona's screams, she rushes in to save her friend, with disasterous results ...


INT. HOLLY’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Holly lies in bed, sleeping like the dead. Mouth open.
There’s a BANGING on the wall. Followed by SHOUTING.

ALONA (O.C.)
NO, STOP it!
You’re HURTING ME!

Her eyes FLY OPEN.
She WHIPS off the covers.
LEAPS out of bed.
Bare feet SLAP the wooden floor.

HOLLY
Alona !

Holly looks around frantically.
GRABS a pair of scissors off her desk.
RACES out of the room.

INT. ALONA’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Alona lies on her bed, trussed up like a pig.
Major bondage action.
Wrists tied to the bed.

A LARGE MAN (30’s) lies on top of her,
pumping up and down.
Fucking the shit out of her.
Alona wriggles and squirms.

ALONA
You’re -- HURTING ME.

Holly CHARGES in,
holding the scissors like a knife.

HOLLY
NO! STOP THAT.

She PLUNGES the weapon into his back.
He REARS BACK like a bull on steroids.

LARGE MAN
OWWW!

He turns around.
Sees Holly. Turns red.
Tries to reach around and grab the scissors.

LARGE MAN (CONT’D)
Fucking BITCH.

Holly GRABS a chair.
SMASHES it over his head. CRACK.
He FLIES off the bed,
HITS the floor, face up.
Plunging the scissors all the way in.
Dead on arrival.

HOLLY
Holy SHIT.

She RACES over to the bed.
Starts untying Alona.

HOLLY (CONT’D)
Are you okay?

ALONA
He was a trick, Holly.

HOLLY
(stops)
What?

ALONA
He wasn’t raping me.
He’s a john.

HOLLY
Yeah, right. And I’m Lady Gaga --

A sharp KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK at the door.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
HEY. Are you okay in there?

Alona and Holly look at each other. Shit.

ALONA
(whispers)
It’s the guy that just moved in down the hall --
(to the door)
Be there in a sec!
(whispers, to Holly)
Cover him with the bedspread and hide.
(off her look)
DO IT --

Holly RUNS to the bed.
Grabs the cover.
THROWS it over the body.
Dashes into the closet.

TO BE CONTINUED ...

Nothing Ventured, Nothing Sprained

Happy Hump Day, crime humpsters. Ready to take a trip to the dark side? Ready for a hardboiled thrill ride that'll leaving you gasping for more? Then come on over to the coolest joint in cyberspace, where the chicks are hot, the drink's cold, and the pulp-noir is served bloody ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's chapter from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES ...

When we last left hooker Alona Tal and hard-drinking wannabe screenwriter Holly Land, they were at the seedy Venice hotel The Starlight, discussing a possible hookup with Alona's boyfriend, dealer Beggar Leck ... so they decide to go downstairs to the bar for a night cap, where they get hit on by mysterious stranger. Meanwhile, Beggar is 'out in the field,' playing 'let's make a drug deal' ...


INT. HOLLY’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Holly sits at her desk, typing on her laptop. She stops.
Takes a sip of vodka. Stares at the screen. Hears something.
She gets up. Takes the picture off the wall.
Presses her ear against the vent. Listening.

ALONA (O.C.)
God, YES. That’s so FUCKING GOOD --

Holly grabs her drink. Drains it. Listens. Heart pounding.

EXT. LONG BEACH - HARBOR - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
An old, battered red BMW convertible pulls up to a decrepit warehouse.
Parks. Beggar gets out. Walks over to a doorway.
KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCKS on it. A small window OPENS.

A nasty-looking EUROTRASH THUG (30’S) looks at him through the glass.
Grins a decayed smile. The door OPENS.

EUROTRASH THUG
Mr. Leck. So nice of you to drop by.

BEGGAR
Vlad. Looking dapper as usual.

INT. WAREHOUSE - CONTINUOUS
Beggar and Vlad walk over to a makeshift table
made out of a piece of plywood on two saw horses.
A suitcase is on it. Open.
Inside, a dozen plastic bags filled with white powder.

A GREASY THUG (20’S) grins at Beggar.

GREASY THUG
Look. Is Power-Seller.

BEGGAR
Nice to see you too, Sasha.

Sasha takes out a packet.
TOSSES it to Beggar.

SASHA
I assume you want usual deal?

BEGGAR
You know my credit is good.
I’ll be able to move this in a week, tops.

VLAD
You do more thinking about coming to work for us full-time?

BEGGAR
I’ll have to get back to you on that.
Kinda like being my own boss.

VLAD
That may be.
But as part of organization, you have protection.
And are part of family.

BEGGAR
Not sure I’m into -- family values.

INT. HOLLY’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Holly sits at her desk. Staring at her laptop.
She pours the last of the vodka bottle into her cup. Makes a face.

HOLLY
Shit.

A soft TAP-TAP-TAP at the door.

HOLLY (CONT’D)
Alona?

Alona glides into the room. Dazzling smile.

ALONA
How did you guess?

HOLLY
Uh -- lucky?

ALONA
You look so sad.

HOLLY
Writing’s not -- going well. I’m blocked.

ALONA
(sees the empty bottle)
Well, now wonder. You gotta dead soldier.
Come on down to the bar with me and take a break.
Keep me company.
(pulls out cash)
It’s on me. Gotta straight flush.

HOLLY
I dunno --

ALONA
C’mon, I won’t bite. I promise.
(beat)
Unless you want me to.

INT. THE STARLIGHT LOUNGE - NIGHT - LATER
Alona and Holly sit on bar stools.
The joint is deserted, except for a couple of DRUNKS
sitting at the end watching a ball game on a shitty little TV above the bar.

They’ve had more than a few. Both quite drunk.
Holly raises her glass, takes a swig of vodka.

HOLLY
My parents are REALLY pissed.

ALONA
But you can go back to school, can’t you?

HOLLY
Not really. I got into some -- trouble.

ALONA
What kind of --

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
LADIES. Do you mind if I join you?

Reveal BOB BALL (40), smooth-talking, good-looking journalist.
A bit scuzzy without a shave and a serious case of ‘bed head.’
But still with that aura of cool.

He sits on the stool next to Alona. Grins. Sips his beer.

BOB
Bob Ball, I’m a writer -- doing a piece on dive bars,
and thought I’d scope the joint out.

ALONA
Joint? Read much Mickey Spillane?

BOB
Ooh. Feisty. Just the way I like ‘em.
(grins)
You gals come here often?

ALONA
We live here.
(off his look)
In the hotel, upstairs.

BOB
Well, that’s certainly convenient.

HOLLY
Is he -- hitting on us?

BOB
Occupations hazard, I’m afraid.
I see a couple of hot chicks,
and I become a heat-seaking missile.
(beat)
Pun intended.

ALONA
(stands, takes Holly’s hand)
Come on, baby. Let’s blow this popsicle dick.
Somebody turned up the testosterone too high.

HOLLY
(to Bob)
You talk like -- you’re in a movie.

BOB
(watches them leave)
Nothing ventured, nothing sprained.

Two's Company, Three's A Party

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. You say you're feeling beaten down by life? You're mad as hell, and can't take it anymore? Then pack your favorite piece, get your tight, little asses over to the coolest hardboiled-pulp joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES. When we last left hooker Alona Tal, she was making love with her boyfriend, drug dealer Beggar Leck at the sleazy Venice boardwalk Hotel Starlight. Afterwards, she decides to pay a visit to her neighbor, hard-drinking screenwriter Holly Land, and invites her join them for a little three-way action ...

And then her client, prep school teacher Gill Sherry arrives for his 'appointment.'


INT. HOLLY’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Holly puts the picture back up on the wall.
Opens up her laptop computer.
Takes a sip of vodka. Starts typing.

ON THE SCREEN
We see the words ‘Beggars can’t be choosers, baby.’

HOLLY
Smiles faintly.

HOLLY
Art imitates life --

A KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK at the door.

HOLLY (CONT’D)
Come in, it’s open.

Alona glides in the room, carrying her beer.
Holly closes the computer. Looks up. Guilty.

ALONA
Hey, girlie.

HOLLY
(looks)
Alona. Hey. What’s up?

ALONA
YOU are.

HOLLY
(flushes)
I, uh --

ALONA
You’re so cute when you blush.
You know that?

HOLLY
Alona --

Alona walks over to Holly.
Puts her hand on her shoulder.

ALONA
The invitation still stands.
You can come join Beggar and me anytime, you know.
(smiles)
Two’s company, three’s a party.

HOLLY
I don’t -- swing that way, Alona.

ALONA
Bullshit. I see the way you look at me.
(off her startled look)
It’s okay. I like it. I like you --

She bends over. Kisses Holly softly on the lips.

ALONA (CONT’D)
Promise me you’ll think about it?

HOLLY
(stares, wide-eyed)
I, uh --

ALONA
My sweet, little writer --
(goes to the door)
Just think about it. Gotta go.
Time for my next client --
(evil grin)
A teacher a day keeps the landlord away.

EXT. THE STARLIGHT HOTEL - NIGHT
Gill Sherry walks up to the front stoop. Stops.
Looks at the decay. The ambiance of despair and poverty.

GILL
I’ve got to get her out of this place. Save her.

And he bounds up the steps.

INT. ALONA’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - MOMENTS LATER
The spooky, fuzzy, haunting reverb guitar sounds
of The Raveonettes ALLY, WALK WITH ME plays on the boombox over --

Alona, sits on the bed smoking a cigarette.
A KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK at the door.

ALONA
Come in, if you know what’s good for you.

The door OPENS. In walks Gill.

ALONA (CONT’D)
Hey there, hot for teacher.

GILL
Ready for your homework?

He goes to the bed. Sits. She smiles. Pulls out a joint.

ALONA
Want some higher education?

GILL
(reaches up, strokes her hair)
I didn’t think it was possible,
but you’ve gotten even more beautiful.

ALONA
Still the romantic --

GILL
(starts unbuttoning his shirt)
Have you thought any more about my offer?

ALONA
You mean taking me away from all this?

GILL
Yeah. I’ve got that great little cottage upstate --

ALONA
Gill, I told you. I like it here.
I like living at the beach. I LIKE my life.
It’s simple. Uncomplicated. No strings.

GILL
But what about -- Beggar?

ALONA
Beggar’s just a friend.
(smiles)
Like you.

GILL
I’m not going to give up.

He stands. Walks over to the dresser.
Takes out his wallet. Pulls out some cash.
Discretely tucks it under a book. Turns.

ALONA
Get that tight little ass over here.
We’ve got some serious fucking to do.

GILL
(comes to her)
And you say I’m a romantic --

Giddyap, Motherfucker

Happy new year, crime sluts. Welcome back to the land that time forgot. A place where the action is always hardboiled, and the pulp-noir is served fresh daily. A place where your deepest, darkest desires become sins of the flesh ... right here at That Killing Feeling.

Well, it's a new year, and time for a new story. This latest screenplay I just finished at the end of last year. BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES is about a seedy little hotel on the Venice Beach boardwalk. And you're about to meet three of its inhabitants, who are about to get into a little trouble. It seems that killing is in season all year round at The Starlight Hotel ...

Ladies and gentlemen, allow me to introduce you to hooker Alona Tal, her boyfriend Beggar Leck, a low-level drug dealer, and Alona's neighbor, Holly Land, a wannabe screenwriter who loves her vodka, and who has a crush on Alona ...

And then there's Gill Sherry, a private school teacher, a client of Alona's, who is MADLY in love with her ...

Let the games begin.

EXT. VENICE BEACH - HOTEL - DUSK
The boardwalk. Quiet on a late summer weeknight.
A lone HOMELESS WOMAN sleeps in front of a chained-up storefront.

CAMERA passes various businesses, now closed for the night.
Joints selling T-shirts. Pizza. Hats. Cheap tourist shit.

CAMERA stops on an old hotel. Peeling blue paint.
Cracked steps lead up into a dingy foyer.
Sign reads THE STARLIGHT.

On the ground floor, a small bar. THE STARLIGHT LOUNGE.

INT. STARLIGHT HOTEL - NIGHT
CAMERA creeps down a long, dark, hallway.
Faded, shitty prints of ships at sea on the walls.
We stop at room 23.

INT. SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Cool jazz on a boombox. Maybe Coltrane or Miles, over --

Dark. Cluttered. Cozy. Lit by a red bulb in a tiny lamp. A few candles.
A WOMAN is making love with a MAN (20’s) on the bed. Incense burning.

Meet ALONA TAL (30), heartbreakingly beautiful. Long, jet black hair to her waist. Hot-blooded. Soft caramel skin.
Been ridden more a few miles. But still turns heads.

She’s on top. In control. Her hair fans down across her chest.
Riding him, rhythmically. Eyes closed. In pure bliss.

ALONA
Ride me, you fucking COWBOY --

INT. ANOTHER SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Next door, we see a YOUNG WOMAN (21) sitting at a table against the wall.
A painting has been taken down.
Behind it, an air duct, her ear pressed against it. Listening.

ALONA (O.C.)
Giddyap, motherfucker -- FUCK ME.

Meet HOLLY LAND (22), waifish, comely.
Silky auburn tresses fall to her shoulders.
Looks tired, but still lovely.

She pours vodka into a plastic cup.
Takes a sip. Licks her lips.
Presses her ear against the vent again. Listens.

ALONA (O.C.) (CONT'D)
Ohmyfucking GOD!

She reaches down, starts touching herself.

EXT. BAY STREET SCHOOL - DUSK
A tony, private ‘progressive’ school for the kids of rich,
left-leaning Santa Monica hipsters.
The kind that shop at Whole Foods. Do yoga.
You get the idea. Urth Cafe, anyone?

INT. BAY STREET SCHOOL - CLASSROOM - CONTINUOUS
The amber light of sunset streams through the venetian blinds into the classroom.
Quiet. Empty. Except for --

A MAN (40’s) sits at a desk at the head of the class.
Meet GILL SHERRY, good-looking, in a frumpy kinda way.
But still buff. The cool teacher. The kind the girls swoon over.

Right now he’s grading papers. He checks his watch.
Goes back to his work. His cell phone RINGS.
He picks it up. Listens.

GILL
Hi, honey --
(listens)
You better start without me.
I’ve got a couple of student conferences --
(listens)
I’ll grab something on the way home.
You need anything?
(listens)
Love you, too. Bye.

He hangs up. Checks his watch. Sighs.
Stares into space. He pulls out a small picture.
We see it’s Alona.

GILL (CONT’D)
One more hour, my love, and my torture will end.
(kisses the picture)
Without you I am incomplete.

INT. ALONA’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - AT THAT MOMENT
Alona sits up in bed smoking a cigarette.
A lazy, ‘just got laid’ smile on her face.
She sips from a bottle of Corona.

ALONA
You sure know how to satisfy a gal, Beggar.

BEGGAR LECK (30’s), buff, former bodybuilder,
with a mane of black hair, pulls on his pants.
Still great-looking, but now a little puffy.
Bright blue eyes now a bit bloodshot.

He lights up a joint. Takes a big hit.

BEGGAR
Beggars can’t be choosers, baby --
(passes it to her)
Gotta jam. Gonna go pick up some product down in Long Beach.

ALONA
(takes it, inhales)
Yeah, right.
You just want to make your escape before the teacher gets here.

BEGGAR
No shit. He’s in love with you.
Guy creeps me out.
Gets all moony-eyed and shit.

ALONA
What’s love got to do with it?
He can only rent. YOU own me --

He’s finished dressing.
Goes to her. Gives her a sloppy kiss.

BEGGAR
And don’t you forget it.
(beat)
I should be back by midnight.
Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.

ALONA
Like what, suck cock?