Spin The Dickhead

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 23 of DAZED, BEAUTIFUL & BRUISED, our story takes a twisted turn when teenage serial killer Sparkle Plenty murders a film industry hack she picked up in a club, cuts up his body ... and then pleasures herself ...


INT. SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
The kind of room where
you don’t need a black light
to see the stains.

Sparkle sits on the bed,
very pin-up.

In nothing but a teddie
and a big smile.

Presses PLAY on a big boom box
on the night stand.

Some strange, obscure 80's new-wave
song percolates over the speakers.

MALE VOICE (O.S.)
(about the music)
I like this, who is it?
It was in that film --
what was it, uh --

SPARKLE
DollsHead.
The film was 'Random Acts of Architecture,’
a dark little indie coming of age flick
about a teenage girl who has her first orgasm.
She kills the guy who gave it to her --
and then goes on a cross-country road trip
where she has a bunch of episodic adventures
on a journey of self-discovery.

ANGLE ON:

The MAN she’s talking to,
a FILM INDUSTRY HACK (50’s),
scary in black Gucci boxers, cigar.

FILM INDUSTRY HACK
That’s right. I read about that.
(slides onto the bed)
Ever smoke before sex?

SPARKLE
You make me laugh.
Long and hard.
Fucking 'LOL' time, slick.
Can I POKE you?
Wanna cyber-fuck?
Can I instant massage you?
Give it to you up the avatar?
Wanna SOCIAL NETWORK?

She starts laughing maniacally.
Cracks herself up.

FILM INDUSTRY HACK
Oh. My. God.
I totally forgot.
I got this -- thing tonight.
How could I forget.
God, am I an asshole.

She WHIPS out a big, chrome HANDGUN
from behind her back.

JAMS it in his mouth.
Whispers, a’la Dirty Harry.

SPARKLE
You got that right, buster.
Now shut the fuck up
and get on your knees.
It’s time for you to play
'spin the dickhead'
and beg for your fictional life.
Ride the 45 caliber pony.
Time to give a
Chuck Heston blow job,
go down on the NRA --
and swallow.

CLOSE ON --
Her face. Having a ball.

We hear the sickly THWUNK of a silencer, and --
blood splatters her perfect bone structure.

SPARKLE
Cut, print -- that’s a TAKE.

She smiles.

INT. MOTEL ROOM - BATHROOM - DUSK
Sparkle stands naked over the body
in the bath tub.

She’s covered in blood.
Cutting up the body.

CAMERA stays on her as she leans over,
saws off pieces.

SPARKLE (V.O.)
AMERICAN PSYCHO was widely
misunderstood by the critics.
But then, who could blame them?
The book it was based on
was a misogynistic piece
of yuppie masturbatory crap.

She raises up an arm.
Salutes it.

Tosses it in a garbage bag.
Returns to her work.

SPARKLE (V.O.)
The film is actually a black comedy --
a satire of the go-go
Reagan eighties in Manhattan.
It almost derailed when
Leo DiCaprio came on board,
causing the low-budget indie
to bloat overnight into a
fifty-million-dollar mega-production.
Thank god for Leo’s handlers,
because he ended up getting cold feet.

She raises up a leg.
Makes a face.

Chucks it in the bag.
Grabs the saw. Continues.

SPARKLE (V.O.)
As fun as it is,
this flick didn’t completely
satisfy this critic.
I mean, there’s no point to
Jason Bateman’s killing, is there?
He’s just a psycho --
there’s no story, no plot, per se.
It’s completely random.
It’s hilarious, sure, but it’s
the cinematic equivalent of a Happy Meal --
goes down fast, but devoid
of any creative nutrition.

Sparkle saws harder.
This one’s tough.

SPARKLE (V.O.)
This installation -- this piece --
this reinterpretation is
the stuff of real meaning. Of truth.
A commentary on the banalities
of the modern mating ritual.
It is my intention to desconstruct
and then reinvent the American family.
Show the world that you
don’t have to be a victim.
That you can create your own family,
control your own destiny --

The killer cutie finishes. Smiles.
Raises up the Industry Hack’s head --

SPARKLE (V.O.)
And make your own fucking movie.

And kisses him on the mouth.

INT. MOTEL ROOM - CONTINUOUS
The slinky, femme, crime theme
trip-hop groove of DollsHead’s
TOUCH THE MOON over --

IN MONTAGE:
Sparkle glides in from the bathroom.

In a sexy red nightie.
Pink fuzzy slippers.
And a lot of blood.

She goes to the bed.
Places the gut-smeared
fishing hook-knife on the nightstand.
It gleams in a flash of light.

CLOSE ON --
The table.
Crimson hands open a drawer.

Take out a foot-long
'back massager' VIBRATOR.

That’s right, folks --
say hello to the 'Space Needle.'

SPARKLE
lies down on the bed.
Gets ready for lift off.

CLOSE ON --
Her dainty, pretty feet.
With bloody, blue frosted nails.

They arch, stretch like a cat.
A soft sigh. A little kittie-yawn.

The CAMERA SLOWLY PANS UP
tanned, slender legs, as --

the BUZZING starts.
Causing thighs to slightly twitch, part.

SPARKLE’S
face. Eyes closed. Dreamy.
A hint of a smile.

A finger itches her nose,
leaving a smear of blood.

IN MONTAGE:
Sparkle GRABS Bruce Ball by the cuffs --
SLAMS him into a wall with a SHRIEK.

BRUCE
twists and turns in agony
in the scalding shower.

THE VIBRATOR
roto-rooters in gentle circles
on her private place.

SPARKLE
writhes in wave after wave of pleasure.

THE HIPSTER VIDEO CLERK
lies on the floor of the crap hotel room.
Muffled SCREAMS as Sparkle STABS the fuzzy body.

SPARKLE
moans, arches her back

DINA
gagged, tied and bound
in an abandoned restaurant kitchen.

Terrified eyes pleading and screaming --
As her hand is guided into a meat grinder.

THE VIBRATOR
is kicked up a notch. BZZZZZZZZZ.

SPARKLE
moans louder. Eyes clenched shut.

THE FILM INDUSTRY HACK’S
mouth opens. The gun barrel slides in.
BANG. Blood SPLATTERS the wall behind him.

SPARKLE
climaxes, spasms --

SHRIEKS, an animal baying at the moon.

SPARKLE
Mommm-yyyyyyyyyy!