Liquid Lunch

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Friday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 18 of DAZED, BEAUTIFUL & BRUISED, suspended homicide detective Carrie Love and porn star Laura Lang go to a beach dive bar to start their date, but soon have to deal with a leering suit who asks if he could 'join in' ...


EXT. OCEAN AVENUE - LATE AFTERNOON
Carrie’s vintage Porsche convertible
flies up the road along
the Santa Monica beach.
Passes a crusty DIVE BAR.

LAURA (O.S.)
Chez Jay, I love that place!
Stop the car -- stop the car!

INT. CHEZ JAY - LATE AFTERNOON
How can it be so dark inside
during the day?

And where on earth did they
find that jazz for the jukebox?

Our chicks sit on bar stools.
Grinning at the BARTENDER.

CARRIE
Can I get a Margarita, please?
Rocks, salt?

Laura slips her hand
up Carrie’s skirt.

LAURA
(to the bartender)
Make it a Cadillac Margarita.
Two of them.

CARRIE
(getting hot)
What’s a Cadillac Margarita?

Laura’s hand shifts --
smile broadens.

LAURA
It’s got a shot
of Gran Marnier in it.

CARRIE
You want me to --
get drunk?

A MALE VOICE interrupts.

MALE VOICE (O.S.)
Sounds like fun to me.

ON THE NEXT BAR STOOL
sits a puffed-up, leering
SUIT enjoying his liquid lunch.

He leans toward Laura,
insinuating himself.

DICK
Hi, I’m Dick.
You ladies together
I take it?

CARRIE
Yes, we are.

LAURA
No boys allowed.
Sorry.
CARRIE
(Ab Fab accent)
No sex, please --
we’re British.

This CRACKS the girls up.
The bon vivant tries again.

DICK
So, you ladies are, uh --

LAURA
Yes, love.
This is my date.
(takes Carrie’s hand in hers)
Isn’t she gorgeous?

DICK
Yes she is.
And so are you.
(beat)
Do you ever let anybody --
join in?

Laura sips her cocktail.
Eyes burning with mischief.

LAURA
Let me ask you something.
How would you feel if you
were on a date with your girlfriend --
and some gay guy came up to you
and asked if he could 'join in?'
You wouldn’t like it, would you?
You’d think it was fucking rude,
wouldn’t you?

The poor guy’s wheels
start spinning.
But he’s no match.

Carrie observes,
sips her drink.
In awe.

DICK
Uh, yes --
of course, but --

LAURA
This is the same thing, darling.
We’re not into men.
(beat)
Just like you.

This sinks in.
He struggles for a response.

LAURA
Now. I’d like you
to apologize to my date.
It’s her birthday,
and we’ve had to deal
with this falderol,
instead of --
(leans over, kisses Carrie)
Enjoying our evening together.

DICK
(turned on, embarrassed)
Hey, look --
I’m really sorry,
I didn’t mean to --

LAURA
Apology accepted.
We’re going to leave now.
My darling Carrie here
only lives a few blocks away.
So, I want you to imagine us
going back to her place --
and what I’m
going to do to her.
(beat)
Silly me.
You were going to
do that anyway,
weren’t you?

EXT. CHEZ JAY - PARKING LOT - DUSK
Carrie and Laura
walk to the car holding hands.

CARRIE
That was awesome.
You fucking killed him.

Laura stops.
GRABS her.

LAURA
I’d kill anyone
that gets in our way.
(beat)
I hope you’re packing, officer --