Partner In Crime

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 23 of LEGS, Episode 3, we near the exciting conclusion of our story. In this next-to-last installment, equestrienne cops Meg and Ilona get busy in the bedroom with a variety of playthings. Meanwhile, Basil Keko is having a hard time dealing with his wife Kitty being in a coma after surviving the kidnapping attempt ...


INT. MEG’S HOUSE - BEDROOM - NIGHT
Cute. Surprisingly girlie.
Meg and Ilona lay snuggling
under the covers in
Meg’s queen-size canopy bed.

MEG
What are we doing?
You’re my partner.

ILONA
'Partner in crime'
is more like it.

MEG
Hot candle wax --

ILONA
I knew you’d like it.

MEG
Whipped cream --

ILONA
Too make the boo-boo
feel better.

MEG
Handcuffs.

ILONA
I wasn’t sure I’d like that.
Such a cliche, you know?
For a cop --
(beat)
Carrie turn you on to that?

MEG
Yeah.
Got a lot more tricks
where that came from.

ILONA
And here I thought
you were such a good girl.

MEG
(imitates Mae West)
When I’m good,
I’m very good --
but when I’m bad, I’m better.

She BURROWS UNDER the covers.

ILONA
Hey. What are you --
(beat)
Ohmigod. YES. Right there.
Don’t stop.
(beat)
Wait. What are you doing?
In THERE? No, no, no --
that’s an exit only --
(beat)
Oh. Oh. OH.
(beat)
OHMIGOD.

INT. BASIL KEKO’S HOUSE - KITCHEN - NIGHT
Basil sits at the kitchen table
in his bathrobe leafing
through a scrap book.

Drinks Jack Daniel’s
from the bottle.

He stops at a page. Sighs.
Takes a long slug.

ANGLE ON:

A PHOTO.
Basil and Kitty having
a picnic with a young BERNIE (13)
on the Forth Of July.

They all hold flags.
A perfect, happy, Hallmark Moment.

BASIL
Takes another hit off the bottle.
Picks up a HANDGUN off the table.

Sticks it in his mouth.
Closes his eyes.

We hold on this a long beat.
He pulls the gun out.

SLAMS it down on the table.
Puts his head in his hands.
Starts quietly crying --