No Muss, No Fuss

Hey there, crime kids. Happy Wednesday. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 33 of BABY HEISTER, teenage heister Kelsey Hazard takes over planning the new bank job from the guys, and comes up with a much better plan, much to their surprise. Meanwhile, the cops search the neighborhood around them, and when Kelsey sees them out the window, the gang must spring into action ...


INT. DOC’S LOFT - DINING AREA - DAY
Everyone sits around the giant table.
Atlas stands, points at a map
spread out in the middle.

ATLAS
This here’s the store next to the bank.
We got the windows blacked out,
and scaffolding in front of it
with one of those construction walls
in front of that.
(points)
We wheel the Dumpster out the front door,
then into the bank --

KELSEY
Excuse me.
Can ask you something?

ATLAS
Yeah, sure.

KELSEY
Your plan is to take the money
after it’s been delivered?

HELMUT
Yeah. What’s your point?

KELSEY
Well, the money’s being delivered
by armored car, right?

ATLAS
Yeah --

KELSEY
Then why not grab the dough
before it goes in the bank?
The can arrives in the back alley, right?

ATLAS
Yeah --

KELSEY
Wouldn’t that simpler?

HELMUT
I guess --

KELSEY
(stands, points on the map)
We have the Dumpster already
waiting in the alley here,
which saves time.
All we gotta do is
scramble their radio signal,
smoke ‘em out and fill it with cash.

SIMON
Fuckin’ brilliant.

JO
That’s our Kelsey.

DOC
Escape or hole up?

KELSEY
Escape. We jack the truck
that delivers the Dumpster
when it gets delivered.
Then after we load it up,
we drive it to a semi
we’ve got stashed nearby.
No muss, no fuss.
(off their looks)
Holing up next door
would be stupid.
Cops are gonna comb
EVERY inch of the area.
(beat)
Any questions?

Everybody stares.
Shakes their head ‘no.’
Doc smiles.

EXT. WAREHOUSE - DAY
Down the street a few doors down,
an unmarked police sedan parks at the curb.
We see a pair of DETECTIVES in the car.

INT. UNMARKED POLICE SEDAN - DAY
The detective on the passenger side,
big and bulky in a shitty suit(40’s) lights a smoke.

The other, tall and thin (30’s),
sits behind the wheel.
They look at each other. Nod.

EXT. DOWNTOWN CITY STREET - DAY
Bulky and Tall get out of the car.
Walk to the door.

EXT. RUNDOWN WAREHOUSE - DAY
A few blocks away sits a rundown, crumbling warehouse.
Another pair of DETECTIVES stand at the entrance.

One wields a crowbar.
CRACKS OPEN the door. They go in.

ON A WAREHOUSE ROOFTOP
Sits another DETECTIVE with binoculars.
He looks across the way into the windows
of the buildings across the street.

AT THE COMMAND CENTER
A TIRED, UNIFORMED COP (30’s)
sits at his desk on the phone.

UNIFORMED COP
I know the building’s not being used, Mr. Magid.
But we still need to search it --

INT. DOC’S LOFT - LIVING ROOM - DAY
The planning session has broken up.
Jo is serving coffee.

Kelsey stands at the window.
Sees something.

KELSEY
Oh, shit.

DOC
What’s wrong?

KELSEY
There’s cops out there
going building to building.

Everyone rushes to the windows.
Looks out.

DOC
Unmarked Crown Vic. Fuck.

ATLAS
So whadda we do?

HELMUT
We gotta get the fuck outta here.

DOC
Relax. I can shut off the power
so the elevator won’t work.

KELSEY
What about the stairs?

DOC
I had the door on each floor
welded shut.

SIMON
So they can’t come up.

DOC
Exactly. People do that all the time.
Keeps out vagrants.

HELMUT
So we’re trapped in here?

DOC
Relax. I also own the building next door.

KELSEY
That fleabag hotel?

DOC
Yeah. Pays the utilities.
And the top floor is closed for repairs.
A back-up safe house, so to speak.
(beat)
We don’t have much time.
Jo, Kelsey. Start covering the furniture.
(to the guys)
You three help me start moving shit next door.

Doc walks over to a cement wall
demarcated in six-foot-wide sections.

He presses one of the joints,
and a section SLIDES OPEN,
revealing a hotel room on the other side.

DOC
'Don’t worry.
We’ll leave the light on.'