The Family That Heists Together

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 17 of BABY HEISTER, Doc Hazard takes his teenage wannabe bank robber granddaughter Kelsey on an important errand ... to buy guns for the armored car job from a shady dealer.


INT. DOC’S PICKUP TRUCK - MOVING - DAY
Kelsey’s behind the wheel.
She looks at Doc.

KELSEY
Griff and Chelle never took me anywhere.
I was always left to fend for myself.

DOC
They were cowboys.
Never did the big jobs,
so they had to keep working.
That’s why when they tried to do one --

Pause.

KELSEY
Sometimes it feels like
they’re up there watching me, you know?

DOC
You’re wondering if they approve?

KELSEY
I dunno if 'approve' is the right word.

DOC
They loved you very much, Kelsey.

KELSEY
Sure had a funny way of showing it.
Everyone else I knew
called their parents 'mom and dad.'

Doc looks out the window.
Deep in thought.

DOC
All families have secrets.
Ours are just a bit -- trickier.

EXT. BAKERSFIELD - ANTIQUE STORE - DAY
A sleepy, small town main street
with sparse traffic and few pedestrians
late morning on a weekday.

Doc’s truck parks in front
of an old, run-down looking joint.

INT. ANTIQUE STORE - DAY
Jammed with all kinds of old shit,
most of which looks pretty worthless.
The cobwebs have cobwebs.

SOLLY STEIN (50’s), a round, balding,
grumpy-looking chap greets Doc and Kelsey.

SOLLY
Morning. Lookin’ for anything in particular?

DOC
Antique model airplanes. Got any?

SOLLY
(looks at Kelsey)
I might.

DOC
She’s okay. My granddaughter.

SOLLY
Kinda young --

DOC
She’s flying with me.

He nods. Goes to the front door.
Locks it. Turns the sign around.

'Sorry, We’re Closed.'
Heads toward the back.

SOLLY
Follow me.

IN THE BASEMENT
Solly leads them down a flight of
rickety stairs to a small room,
walls lined with shelves stuffed with old boxes,
making it seem smaller.
Floor covered with wooden crates.

SOLLY
What were you looking for?

DOC
I need three pieces.
Hoping you’d give me the group rate.

SOLLY
What’s the job?

DOC
Jacking a can.

He nods. Walks over to a shelf.
Grabs a vintage model airplane box.

Opens it. Pushes aside white tissue paper.
Pulls out a Smith & Wesson
three-fifty-seven magnum revolver.

SOLLY
(hands it to him)
This work?

DOC
(hefts it)
Oh, yeah.
(smiles, to Kelsey)
One bullet can take out an engine.
(to Solly)
You got two more just like this?

SOLLY
You bet. Only used once,
on the same job.
Five hundred each.

DOC
I’ll give you twelve-hundred.

SOLLY
Thirteen.
And I’ll throw in a box of ammo.
Holsters if you want ‘em.
(off his nod)
Wanna check it?

DOC
Yeah. Then let’s see the other two.

Solly walks over to the middle of the room
where we see a circular drain grate.

He pulls it off, revealing dirt.
Nods. Turns. Gets another pair of boxes.

DOC
(to Kelsey)
Hold your ears.
Kelsey clamps her hands
on the sides of her head. Nods.

Doc walks over.
Points it into the dirt.

Takes aim. Fires. BANG.
Looks at the hole. Nods.
Hands the gun to her.

She takes it. Wide-eyed.
Smells the gun barrel.

Solly takes out the other two weapons.
Doc takes one. Examines it. Nods.
Then the other. Checks the site. Nods.

DOC
Looks good.

SOLLY
We’ve done business before.
If they’re just used for show,
I’ll buy ‘em back at half price.

DOC
I’ll let you know.

Solly nods.
Puts the guns back in their boxes.

Hands them to Kelsey,
who tries not to look like
a kid at Christmas.

Doc pulls out his money roll.
Counts it out. Hands it over.

DOC
Pleasure doing business.

SOLLY
The family that heists together,
stays together, huh?

DOC
Something like that.