Night Of The Living Heist

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In Chapter 16 of BABY HEISTER, teenage wannabe bank robber Kelsey Hazard and her grandfather Doc renegotiate their cut on the armored car job with 'the inside man,' who's NOT pleased, but has to deal with it. Then they start planning the final details of the job ...


INT. DOC'S FARMHOUSE - LIVING ROOM - MORNING
Doc and Kelsey sit on the couch facing the fireplace.
Reno, Dusty and Simon sit in easy chairs.

Everyone looks tired. Sipping coffee.
Jo walks in with a fresh pot.

JO
It’s like 'Night Of The Living Heist' in here.
Anybody want a refill?

DOC
Thanks, Jo.

The doorbell RINGS.

DOC
That’ll be
'The Bitch and the Pauper.'

JO
I’ll get it.

She goes to the door. Opens it.
In walks Freddie and Tilly.

Looks pleased with himself.
Tilly looks angry. But tamed.

DOC
Freddie. Tilly.

JO
Y’all want some java?

They both nod.
Jo goes off to get them mugs.

DOC
So we checked out the diner --

FREDDIE
Already?

DOC
Yeah. Last night.
After we met with you.
(looks at Tilly)
Wanted to see if there
were any other problems.

Tilly narrows her eyes. Bristles.
Jo appears. Brings them mugs of coffee.
They take them. Sit. Exchange glances.

FREDDIE
And -- what do you think?

DOC
We can do it.

FREDDIE
So what’s your plan?

DOC
Hold on.
First there’s the matter of the split.

FREDDIE
Wh-what do you mean?

DOC
We’re doing all the heavy lifting.
It’s now five shares instead of four.
(points at the gang)
They each get one.
Kelsey and I split one,
and you two split one. Five shares.

TILLY
Now wait a MINUTE. This is MY JOB --

FREDDIE
I told you to SHUT THE FUCK UP.

TILLY
No, YOU shut the fuck up.

FREDDIE
THEY’RE doing all the goddamn WORK.
Yes, you came up with the job,
but you’re not a HEISTER.
You’re a fucking WAITRESS.

TILLY
(LEAPS up)
That’s it. I’m outta here.

FREDDIE
GODDAMMIT. LISTEN to me.

KELSEY
Excuse me. Tilly?
We actually DO need your help.

TILLY
Y-you need my help?

DOC
It’s a VERY important part of the job.
Sit down. We’ll tell you all about it.

INT. DOC’S FARMHOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
The gang sits around the big table
eating a hearty breakfast.
Doc sits at the head, holding court.

DUSTY
I do believe she looked almost happy.

KELSEY
I thought she was gonna bust a gut
when you told her she’d have to
stay at the diner and meet us
later at her place.

DOC
She needs to stay and finish her shift.
Otherwise she’ll lead the cops right to us.

SIMON
And Freddie hangs out at the diner
to establish his alibi.

DOC
Yep. It’ll give us plenty of time
to split up the dough,
change the signs on the truck --
and more importantly,
prevent them from trying a cross.
(beat)
Okay. Job assignments.
Dusty, I need you to get
the crime scene mace,
then go see a guy I know
who’ll make the new signage.

He hands him a slip of paper.
Dusty takes it. Looks it over.
Nods. Sticks it in his pocket.

DUSTY
I’m on it.

KELSEY
What’s a 'mace?'

DOC
A vehicle that’s not hot.
Has a clean chain-of-title with fake paperwork.
That way we can travel in it safely,
or in the case of the big truck,
leave it behind.
(to Reno)
Reno, can you get the big one?

RENO
Piece a cake.

DOC
Good. Don’t go nuts.
It can be a piece of shit.
We’re not keeping it.
(to Simon)
Simon. I assume you can
jack a set of wheels?

SIMON
We guarantee.
In thirty minutes or less.

DOC
Make sure it’s fresh.
Get it the day of the job.
And nothing flashy.

SIMON
Okay. You figured out the parking maneuvers?

DOC
Yeah. We park the van to the
right of their spot
and the car to the left.
When the first guy goes in,
the car pulls out, and then
the big truck pulls into it’s place.

KELSEY
Why do the bit with the car?
Why not just park the big truck
there right away?

DOC
If they start to pull in
and see they’re boxed in like that,
they might park somewhere else.

KELSEY
Right.
(beat)
So what am I gonna do?

DOC
You’re gonna come with me to get the guns.
Then we’ll stake out the diner.
Watch the can do it’s run.
Make sure it’s kosher.
Sound like a plan?

KELSEY
Works for me --