The Spy Who Fucked Me

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In Chapter 15 of NOWHERE GIRL, when stripper-with-a-suitcase-nuke Cherry Nation's car stalls out in the Hollywood Hills, she heads off on foot to deliver 'the package' to the terrorists. Meanwhile, Homeland Security agent April Street is abducted by her arch nemesis, black ops spook Yuri Vlaovik ...

EXT. SUNSET BOULEVARD - NIGHT
Cherry, Peeler and Stan pile out of the Celica.
Start walking up into the Hollywood Hills.
Cherry looks at the houses.

CHERRY
Look at the size of THAT joint.

Cherry’s cell phone RINGS.
She gets it. Listens.

CHERRY (CONT’D)
Shag? What’s wrong?
Are the kids okay?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CORVETTE - MOVING - NIGHT
Shag drives east on Sunset.
Passes The Beverly Hills Hotel.

SHAG
The kids are fine.
I was just calling to see if --
everything was okay.

CHERRY
Why do you keep checking up on me?
You’re driving me fucking CRAZY.

Pause.

SHAG
I know what’s going on, Cherry.
And I want to help you.

CHERRY
What’s GOING ON?
You know WHAT’S GOING ON?
Uh, I don’t THINK SO.

SHAG
Do you realize how dangerous
a nuclear device is? How unstable?

CHERRY
What the FUCK? How did you --

SHAG
I’m CIA, Cherry.
I couldn’t tell you before --
for obvious reasons.
(beat)
And I’m sorry. It fucking killed me.
So let’s just forget everything that happened
and concentrate on getting you out of this mess.

CHERRY
So you don’t sell shower heads. I KNEW it.
All the secret phone calls, the long trips,
the injuries -- GODDAMMIT, Shag.

SHAG
I know. I know.
(beat)
I’m on my way. I’ll be there soon.

CHERRY
How do you know where I --

SHAG
Aerial satellite thermal tracking.
You’re carrying plutonium, Cher.

CHERRY
I told you not to CALL ME THAT anymore!
You, you -- ARRRRGHH!
(clicks the phone shut)
GODDAMMIT.

PEELER
Shag -- is the ex?

CHERRY
Yeah. And the fuck-head’s following us.
Bastard’s a fucking SPY.

PEELER
Shit. What are we gonna do?

LOUD ROCK MUSIC starts playing nearby.
Cherry looks at the house they’re in front of.
It’s smaller, ranch-style.
And the music is coming from the garage.

CHERRY
Follow me.
(beat)
I’ve got an idea --

INT. MERCEDES SUV - MOVING - NIGHT
April drives west on Sunset.
Starts to approach the strip.

She looks at the GPS.
A red dot BLINKS on the screen.

APRIL
I’ve got ya, baby.

A siren WHOOP-WHOOPS behind her.
An ANGRY VOICE comes over the loudspeaker.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
This is LAPD! Pull over, NOW!

APRIL
FUCK. Again?

She turns the wheel. Pulls over.
Stops at the curb.

An OFFICER appears on either side of the car.
WEAPONS drawn.

CRAZED COP
Put your hands where I can see them,
and step out of the car, NOW.

APRIL
I’m a federal officer.

CRAZED COP
I said RAISE YOUR HANDS
AND GET OUT OF THE CAR, NOW.

APRIL
Okay, okay --

She puts them up. Opens the door.
Carefully gets out.

APRIL (CONT’D)
(reaches in her pocket)
I’m just gonna get my ID --

The cop GRABS April, WHIRLS her around --
and SLAMS HER against the car.

APRIL (CONT’D)
OW!

Yuri walks over. Lights a cigarette.
Surveys his prize.

YURI
(to the cop)
Don’t cuff her. She’s mine.
(to April)
We meet again, Ms. Street.

APRIL
(whips her head around)
YOU.

YURI
Lucky for you I wear stainless steel cup --