Bitch Is Good

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 24 of NOWHERE GIRL, stripper-with-a-suitcase-nuke Cherry Nation and hipster Peeler Mardo share a tender moment. Meanwhile, the shit hits the fan when assassin Wendon Swift attacks Homeland Security agent April Street and CIA spook Shag Holiday ... in a fight to the death.


EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS - WOODED AREA - NIGHT
It’s stopped raining. Cherry and Peeler
walk up the incline though sparse foliage.
They reach a narrow, winding road.

CHERRY
Thank fucking god.
I’m cold, I’m wet -- and I’m fucking TIRED.

PEELER
(points at the sign)
Check it out. We’re almost there.

They start walking up the steep incline.

CHERRY
After this is done, I can’t wait
to have a stiff drink and a long, hot shower.

Cherry trudges on.
White knuckles gripping the briefcase.

PEELER
So listen, I was wondering --
when this is all over, would you like to,
you know -- go have coffee or something?

CHERRY
(does a take)
You mean like a -- date?

PEELER
No, not a DATE.
You know, just -- hang out.
You know, coffee. Maybe grab a burger --

CHERRY
(faint smile)
That’d be -- nice.

A tear runs down her cheek.
She stops. GRABS him.

Gives him a long, lingering kiss.

PEELER
What was that for?

CHERRY
Not sure. But I kinda liked it.
(kisses him again)
Yeah. That’ll work.

INT. POOL HOUSE - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
April watches Shag communicate with base.

SHAG
(touches his ear)
Lark. I need new coordinates.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - CUBICLE - CONTINUOUS
Lark swerves in her chair, fingers
CLACK-CLACKING on her keyboard.
She peers into the monitor, grim.

LARK
She’s nearing the top of hill, Shag --
you better get your ass in gear.

SHAG
Don’t worry, we’re on our way.

LARK
'We,' 'our?'

SHAG
April Street from Homeland Security
is also in pursuit.
We’re pooling our resources.

Pause.
LARK
As long as that’s ALL your 'pooling.'

The front windows EXPLODE in a SHOWER of GUNFIRE.
Glass SHATTERS, goes FLYING.

Shag and April LEAP to the floor.
Shag ROLLS over behind the couch.
Pulls out his weapon.

April LEAPS behind the open side door.
Takes out hers.

Silence.

APRIL
What the fuck?

Gloved hands THROW a wire around April’s neck
and start GARROTTING her.

She GRABS the wire, starts GAGGING,
SPUTTERING, THRASHING, eyes BULGING.

We see the attacker.
It’s WENDON. Smiling. Having a ball.

Shag LEAPS UP, RACES OVER to April.
GRABS Wendon’s hands.

She KICKS Shag in the balls.
He goes DOWN, OOF.

Curls into the fetal position.
That girl can KICK.

April struggles, eyes fluttering,
her face turning red.

She leans forward,
raising Wendon off the ground --
and then with all her might,
SLAMS her into the wall, THWUMP.

She lets go of the wire.
HITS the floor.

April FIRES a blast of rounds into her chest
BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG.

Nothing. Must be SOME kind of vest.

Wendon smiles. Reaches for her automatic.
April GRABS a lamp and SMASHES it on her head.
She blinks. LEAPS UP --

And KICKS April,
who goes FLYING BACKWARDS onto the floor.

Shag GRABS a chair --
SAILS IT across the room at Wendon.

It HITS her in the stomach,
sends her FLYING.

She ROLLS behind the bar.
POPS up, and starts FIRING.

Shag and April LEAP out of the way,
get behind the couch.
Start RETURNING FIRE.

SHAG
Bitch is GOOD.

APRIL
I’ve got an idea.
You cover me, I’ll go outside
and go in through the window in the kitchen.

SHAG
Let’s do it.

Shag SHOVES in another clip.
Pulls out a smoke bomb.

APRIL
Why didn’t you use that before?

SHAG
Uh, we’ve been a little BUSY?
(beat)
When I commence firing.

He leans around the corner.
TOSSES the bomb at the bar, starts SHOOTING.

Smoke starts BILLOWING.

Wendon keeps FIRING,
starts gagging on the fumes.

April ROLLS along the floor.
Bullets PING and SPLINTER the wood
as she FLIES out the door.

AT CIA HEADQUARTERS
Lark listens in on Shag’s hands-free,
which is still on.

LARK
Shag! What’s going on? Are you OKAY?
(beat)
SHAG.

OUTSIDE THE POOL HOUSE
April races around to the back.
Gets to the window.

She looks in, but SMOKE is filling the room.
She can’t see ANYTHING.

APRIL
FUCK.

She SMASHES the window with her gun.
Starts climbing in.

INSIDE THE POOL HOUSE
It’s World War III. GUNSHOTS.
Smoke everywhere. The bar is ON FIRE.

Wheezing and CHOKING,
April makes her way through the room,
where she sees, on the floor --

Shag and Wendon, each with a hand
gripping the other’s neck,
the other hand fighting for control
of Wendon’s Sig Sauer.

April takes aim, and
SHOOTS the gun out their hands, PING.

Wendon SCREAMS, pulls out a HUNTING KNIFE,
and JAMS it in Shag’s NECK.
Blood starts PUMPING like a GEYSER.

APRIL
NO!

She FIRES at Wendon’s head --
which EXPLODES in a red mist.

RACES over to Shag.
CLAMPS her hands on his neck.

APRIL
Hold on -- it’s gonna be okay,
it’s gonna be okay.

SHAG
(eyes fluttering)
You get the -- bitch?

The light flickers, then goes out.

April cradles his head in her arms.
Blood everywhere.

APRIL
I HATE this part.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. CIA HEADQUARTERS - CUBICLE - CONTINUOUS
Lark types furiously on her keyboard,
looks at the monitor,
trying to get a read on the situation.

LARK
(into her headset)
SHAG, come in Shag, are you alright?
(to herself)
GODDAMMIT, I should have sent BACKUP.

April hears something.
Looks at Shag’s earpiece.

Grabs it. Wipes it off.
Puts it in her ear. Listens.

APRIL
Hello, is anybody there?

LARK
Hello! Who is this? Where’s Shag?

APRIL
This is agent Street.

LARK
Agent Street? Thank GOD.
What happened? Is he okay?

Pause.

APRIL
I’m sorry.

LARK
(eyes tearing)
I see.
(beat)
Are you -- o-okay?

APRIL
Reasonably. I’m alive.
(beat)
Kinda -- freaked out.

LARK
We were -- seeing each other.

APRIL
Shit.
(beat)
I’m sorry.

LARK
(wipes her eyes)
Let me give you the coordinates.
There isn’t much time left.
She’s almost there.

APRIL
Okay.
(beat)
Are you okay?

LARK
I’ll have to --
get back to you on that.