Thursday, April 14, 2011

Dick Cheney, Eat Your Heart Out



Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. Do you know where your children are? Your parents? Well, they're all right here, taking a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 19 of NOWHERE GIRL, the shit hits the fan when stripper-with-a-suitcase-nuke Cherry Nation and the gang gets blindsided with bullets in the Hollywood Hills, courtesy of Cherry's ex-boss' latest assassin, black ops super-killer Wendon Swift.


INT. HUMMER - MOVING - NIGHT
A BRUNETTE (20’s) in shades
and black leather is behind the wheel.
Hair back in a sleek ponytail.

Meet WENDON SWIFT, gorgeous,
curvy killing machine.
And Sledge’s new hire.

WENDON
(on her cell)
I’m almost there.
(listens)
Not to worry. I always deliver.
(listens)
Thirty minutes or less?
You flirt. BAD boy.

INT. INTELLIGENCE OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Crafton hangs up. Raises his cocktail in a toast.

SLEDGE
I always deliver.
(beat)
I think I’m in love.

And he downs it.

EXT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS - RANCH HOUSE - BACK YARD - NIGHT
Brody leads Cherry, Peeler and Stan through the back yard.

They walk into a wooded area behind the house.
A light RAIN starts falling.

CHERRY
Great. Now it’s fucking RAINING.

She pulls her hoodie up over her head.
Her Blackberry VIBRATES in her pocket.
She pulls it out.

THE SCREEN READS
Reminder: Take your meds.

A finger presses a button.
The LCD reads ERASE.

BRODY
turns his head. Looks at Cherry.

BRODY
Can I ask you something?

CHERRY
What.

BRODY
If, let’s say, somebody
wanted to get into porn --

CHERRY
(looks at him)
YOU? Are you fucking kidding me?

BRODY
What. I’m not THAT bad-looking.

CHERRY
No, it’s just that --

BRODY
I’ve got eleven inches.

CHERRY
You DO?

PEELER
Wow. Shit.

STAN
What, you didn’t notice?
(off their stares)
So I’m gay. Big fucking deal.
It’s 2011. Deal with it.

GUNSHOTS SPRAY at them.
Stan GETS HIT in the chest.

Brody gets one in the leg.
So does Peeler.

Cherry’s arm is grazed.
They hit the ground.
Start crawling into the bushes.


BRODY
I’ve been SHOT.

Bullets WHIZ through the bushes.

Cherry gets behind a tree.
Pulls out her gun.

CHERRY
FUCK. I don’t see anyone.
(to Peeler)
Peeler, are you okay?

Peeler peers out behind a row of bushes.

PEELER
I got shot in the leg, but I’m okay.
But I think Stan is dead.
(sees her arm)
Cherry!

CHERRY
It’s okay. It just grazed me.

BRODY
My leg -- is fucking fucked.

He tries to get up into a crawling position.

CHERRY
STAY DOWN.

But he doesn’t listen. Sits up.

BRODY
I’m getting the fuck outta --

His head EXPLODES in a red mist.

PEELER
Ohmigod, we’re gonna DIE, we’re gonna DIE!

CHERRY
STAY DOWN!

EXT. GARAGE ROOF - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
Wendon kneels on the tiles.
Cradling a sniperscope rifle.

She JAMS a new magazine in, KA-CHINK.
Takes aim. Sneers.

WENDON
Dick Cheney eat your fucking heart out.

Hands suddenly GRAB her by the neck.
She GAGS.

Gets pulled back.
Her rifle CLATTERS onto the tiles.

Wendon GRABS the hands,
and viciously YANKS them off.

She WHIRLS around and faces --

SHAG. Aiming a Sig Sauer at her.

SHAG
Hands in the air!
I’m a federal agent!

Wendon smiles. Raises her hands.

WENDON
So am I, asshole.

SHAG
Get on your knees. NOW.

She arches an eyebrow.
Then WHIRLS like a top
and KICKS Shag in the face -- CRACK.
He FLIES BACKWARDS -- OOF.

She LEAPS into the air
and lands on top of him, THWUMP.

He GRABS her by the waist,
and they ROLL across the tiles --

FLY off the edge of the roof,
and BANG into a dumpster.

IN THE WOODS
Cherry puts down her gun.
Looks at Peeler.

CHERRY
They stopped shooting.
How’s your leg? Can you walk?

He gets up.
Puts his weight on it.

PEELER
Yeah. But it really hurts.

Cherry takes off her jacket.
RIPS off one of the arms.

Then the other.
Ties them together.

Then wraps it around the wound,
pulls it TIGHT.

Puts the armless jacket back on.

CHERRY
There. That should hold it for awhile.
C’mon, let’s get the fuck outta here.

PEELER
Where did you learn how to do that?

CHERRY
Hey, just because
I take my clothes off
for a living doesn’t mean
I wasn’t a Girl Scout --

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