It's A Fucking Nuke

Happy Tuesday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 22 of NOWHERE GIRL, Homeland Security agent April Street and stripper-with-a-suitcase-nuke get into a catfight over the control of the nuke. Meanwhile, former Special Forces op, now security guard Renny Quick pays a little visit to the terrorists holed up in the Hollywood Hills, with deadly results ...

INT. HOLLYWOOD HILLS MANSION POOL HOUSE - NIGHT
Just then, the side door BURSTS OPEN with a CRUNCH.
Splintered wood goes FLYING --

And April FLIES IN on the Vespa.

PEELER
Holy shit!

CHERRY
NOOOOOO!

Cherry SCRAMBLES to get her gun,
but April is TOO FAST.

She JUMPS off the scooter,
races over and TACKLES her.

Pins her arms to the floor.

Peeler JUMPS on top of April,
tries to pull her off Cherry.

April HEAD-BUTTS Peeler --
and he FLIES backwards,
blood POURING out of this nose.

April sits astride Cherry.

APRIL
I’m a federal officer.
You’re under arrest.

CHERRY
FUCK you.

APRIL
(SLAPS her)
What the FUCK were you DOING?
Did you really think you could
get AWAY with it?
It’s a fucking NUKE.

CHERRY
Go fuck yourself, BITCH.

April takes out her gun.
Points it in Cherry’s face.

APRIL
Don’t fucking move.

She pulls out keys,
unlocks Cherry’s cuffs.
Looks at her.

CHERRY
Incredible. You could be my twin.

Peeler goes to the bar.
Gets a towel for his nose.

PEELER
So I guess we’re in a lot of trouble.

APRIL
Unlawful flight with a
concealed nuclear device?
I would say so.

Peeler inches over to
Cherry’s handbag on the bar.

PEELER
I would imagine that’s --
a lot of time in prison.

APRIL
Try life without parole.
(beat)
If not the death penalty for TREASON.

April gets off of Cherry. Stands.

APRIL
Roll over. On your stomach.

CHERRY
Fuck you.

April KICKS cherry in the side.

CHERRY
OW!

APRIL
DO IT. NOW!

A gun safety CLICKS.

PEELER
Stands behind April.
Pressing it into the back of her head.

PEELER
I’m really sorry to do this,
but we’re not going to prison.

APRIL
Do you have any idea what you’re doing?
You’re just gonna make it
a hell of a lot WORSE.
Drop the gun,
and I promise you won’t get hurt.

PEELER
(JAMS it into her head)
SHUT UP.

Cherry gets up. Goes to April.
GRABS her gun.

CHERRY
Okay, bitch -- give me your cuffs.

April does a slow burn.
Takes them out. Cherry SNATCHES them.

CHERRY
Hands behind your back.

Peeler steps away. Still aiming.

Cherry walks over,
CLICKS the cuffs on April.
Then SHOVES her on the couch.

CHERRY
THAT’S for fucking KICKING me,
fucking BITCH.

APRIL
You’ll never get away with this.
The area is swarming with agents.

CHERRY
We’ll take our chances.
(to Peeler)
Ready to go?

PEELER
Yeah.

He goes over and gets the case.
Hefts it.

PEELER
Heavy.

CHERRY
It’s a fucking NUKE.
Of course it’s HEAVY.

EXT. MANSION - NIGHT - AT THAT MOMENT
The Driver and Renny stand at the front door.
Their car’s lights FLASH behind them in the driveway.

RENNY
(to Driver)
Ring it again, Carlos.

CARLOS
(presses the buzzer)
This is bullshit.
Let’s get the fuck outta here.
Go hit Fatburger.

RENNY
Hold on. Not so fucking fast.
Something’s not right.
I can smell it.
All the lights are on --
and they don’t answer the door?

The front door SWINGS OPEN.
Revealing Rich Husband,
with a big, weird smile on his face.
Eyes full of terror.

RICH HUSBAND
Sorry to keep you gentlemen waiting.
What seems to be the problem?

IN THE FOYER, AGAINST THE WALL
Kamal stands out of sight,
holding an Uzi on Rich.

IN THE DOORWAY
Rich blinks, raises his eyebrows expectantly.

CARLOS
We received over a dozen 911 calls
from a number at this address.

RICH HUSBAND
From this address? Are you sure?

CARLOS
Yeah. We can track where a call comes from.
It was this address.

RICH HUSBAND
I don’t know what to say.
No one here called you -- perhaps your --
tracking made a mistake.
(beat)
Oh, wait a minute --
maybe it’s my son’s phone --
but he’s not home right now.
Please be assured that I will
discipline him for this.
And please accept my apologies.

RENNY
Could I please use your bathroom?
I hate to ask, but it’s kind of an emergency.

Renny holds his crotch.
Does that ‘I gotta pee’ dance.

Rich looks startled, looks to his left.

RENNY
I thought so.

He PUSHES his way past Rich,
and runs straight into Kamal.
Aiming his Uzi at Renny’s stomach.

KAMAL
Gentlemen. This is most unfortunate.
Please come in and make yourselves --
our hostages.

Renny LEAPS at Kamal,
grabs for control of the gun.

It SHOOTS WILDLY,
MOWING DOWN Carlos.

The GUARDS run in and GRAB Renny,
PISTOL-WHIP him into submission.

KAMAL (CONT’D)
(looks at the body)
Hurry up and bring it in.
Put the car in the garage.
And then tie up our visitor.
(beat)
Let’s have some fun --