Flame On, Bitches

Hey there, crime kids. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 37 of NOWHERE GIRLS, super-spy sisters Cherry Nation and April Street are being held captive in evil criminal mastermind Honey Almond's underground lair, where they suddenly have to fight a horde of angry, vicious RATS ...


EXT. MANN’S CHINESE THEATER - NIGHT
Two more teams are drilling holes in the sidewalk.
Gruff tech walks over to Sunday and Max.

SUNDAY
Anything yet?

GRUFF TECH
Yeah. We found agent Nation’s daughters.
They’re okay.

An INTENSE TECH off to the side looks up
from his scanner.

INTENSE TECH
BINGO.
(to Sunday and Max)
I’ve got Honey Almond.
In her office. Come take a look.

INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - OFFICE - AT THAT MOMENT
Honey sits at her desk. Pours scotch into a cut-glass tumbler.
Downs it. HICCUPS. Dabs a tissue to her eye.

Monsterburg sticks his head in the room.
Concerned.

MONSTERBURG
Chief. Are you okay?

HONEY
No, I’m NOT okay.
My own daughters REJECTED me.

MONSTERBURG
Well, if they survive the -- thing downstairs,
maybe they might change their minds.

HONEY
Are you fucking KIDDING ME? It’s OVER.
(beat)
And nobody has EVER survived -- down there.

MONSTERBURG
Is there anything I can do?

HONEY
Thanks doll, no.
I need some private time to myself.

MONSTERBURG
Call me if you need me.

And he leaves. Honey sniffles.
Pours another drink.

ANGLE ON --
The wall to her left.
We see a small hole.

The tip of the snake is sticking out.
A tiny camera slowly BLINKING.

INT. BOMB SHELTER - AT THAT MOMENT
Cherry and April stand on the top of the shelves,
kicking at the rats with their feet.

But they keep coming.
One of them BITES INTO Cherry’s ankle.

CHERRY
OWWW. Get it OFF, GET IT OFF.

April pulls out a knife.
JABS it in his head with a sickening CRUNCH.
The rat falls over.

Another one immediately takes its place.
April KICKS IT like a football, THWUMP.
It FLIES away.

APRIL
We gotta find something to --
(looks around, sees)
TORCHES. We’ve got fucking TORCHES.

She GRABS two. Hands one to Cherry.
Pulls out her lighter. Lights it.
Then hers. They BURST INTO FLAME.

CHERRY
Got you NOW, motherfuckers.

APRIL
How about some FIRE, scarecrow?

They wave the torches at the rats,
now SQUEALING LOUDER.

CHERRY
They’re not GOING AWAY.

One of them LEAPS up,
SINKS it’s teeth in April’s leg.

APRIL
NOOOOOO.

She puts the torch to the rat.
It CATCHES ON FIRE and SCREAMS.

She PUNCHES it with her other hand.
It FLIES away.

APRIL
This isn’t good enough --

She keeps waving her torch at the rats,
keeping them at bay.

Cherry scans the boxes on the shelves.
RIPS one open.

CHERRY
AHA. HAIR SPRAY --

APRIL
Hair spray?

CHERRY
(grabs two cans, tosses her one)
WATCH.

She holds it behind the flame of her torch.
SQUIRTS IT, and a giant FLAME WHOOSHES OUT
like a blowtorch.

She SWEEPS it across a pack of rats
clawing at the edge of the shelf.

They BURST INTO FLAMES, SCREAMING.

POPPING and CRACKLING like pieces of evil popcorn.
APRIL
(aims her can, nods at Cherry)
FLAME ON, BITCHES --

The hold their cans up to their torches.
Start SPRAYING the rats with flames
in a wide circle -- WHOOSH-WHOOSH.

The rats CATCH ON FIRE, skitter away, HOWLING.

The girls JUMP DOWN to the floor.
Continue SPEWING FLAMES at the retreating rats.
The air fills with sickening smoke.

CHERRY
Anybody want BARBECUE?

APRIL
(sweeping flames)
Who’s got MARSHMALLOWS?

The remaining rats DART into hidden holes
in the back of the room.

The girls stop. Take a deep breath.
Look around.

CHERRY
Holy shit.

APRIL
I know --
(beat)
You saved our asses.

CHERRY
(half-smile)
What else are sisters for?

APRIL
Uh, maybe getting us the fuck
OUTTA HERE and catching the evil villain?

CHERRY
(nods)
Works for me --