Consider This A Divorce

Hey there, crime kids. Good MORNING. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 40 of NOWHERE GIRLS, super-spy twins Cherry Nation and April Street, having invaded evil criminal mastermind Honey Almond's underground lair, go on the attack. While April chases after Honey and her aid-de-camp Monsterburg through the bowels of Mann's Chinese Theater above, Cherry searches desperately for her kidnapped daughters ...


INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - TUNNEL - NIGHT
Dimly lit. Water drips down the cement walls.

Honey and Monsterburg RUN down the tunnel.
They make a turn. He slows down suddenly,
out of breath. Wheezing.

MONSTERBURG
Can’t go so -- fast.

HONEY
C’mon, you fucking wimp.
We gotta MOVE.

He strains to catch up.
Picks up speed.

MONSTERBURG
How much -- farther?

HONEY
We’re almost there. MOVE IT.

FURTHER ON DOWN THE TUNNEL
April HOT-FOOTS IT at lightning speed.
High heels CLOMPING.

IN THE THEATER
Streams of COMMANDOS
storm down the basement steps.

INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - CORRIDOR - AT THAT MOMENT
Cherry walks down the hallway.
Checking each door she goes by.
She opens one. Looks in.

CHERRY
Huh. Nice cafeteria --

IN THE TUNNEL
Honey and Monsterburg arrive at a doorway.
She opens it --

To reveal a staircase going up.

MONSTERBURG
Ohmigod. Fucking STAIRS?

HONEY
Move it or lose, bad boy.

MONSTERBURG
Okay, okay --

And they start RUNNING up the stairs.

FURTHER ON DOWN THE TUNNEL
April keeps sprinting. Takes the turn.
Continues on. Starts the uphill ascent.
Stops. KICKS off her heels --

APRIL
Alas, poor Jimmy Choo, I knew him well --

And TAKES OFF in her bare feet.

INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - CORRIDOR - AT THAT MOMENT
Cherry continues down the corridor. Checking the doors.
She looks in a window.

CHERRY
Work out room? What a set-up --

She goes to the next one.
The sign reads INFIRMARY.

She tries the door.
It opens. She creeps in --

INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - INFIRMARY - CONTINUOUS
Brightly lit. Antiseptic. A row of hospital beds.
Empty. An open door at the other end of the room,
from which we can faintly hear the sounds of a TV.

Cherry carefully tip-toes toward the doorway.

INT. TUNNEL - AT THAT MOMENT
April gets to the door that
Honey and Monsterburg went through.
She YANKS it open. Looks up.

APRIL
Of course. Stairs --

And she RACES up the steps.

INT. STAIRCASE - AT THAT MOMENT
Honey and Monsterburg get to the top of the steps.
Pause a moment. Breathing heavily.

Honey goes to the door.
Puts her hand on the knob.
Monsterburg stares, wild-eyed.

MONSTERBURG
So where does THIS go?

HONEY
Used to be a shitty department store --
(beat)
Now it’s the Kodak Theater.

She YANKS the door open --
revealing a BRICK WALL.

HONEY
Goddammit.
(to Monsterburg)
You don’t happen to have
any explosives on you, do you?

MONSTERBURG
(feels it with his hand)
Wait a minute. It’s not real.

He KICKS it. The ‘wall’ falls over backwards.

MONSTERBURG
(smiles)
Scenery --

HONEY
All the world’s a stage, huh. C’mon --

And they RACE through the door.

INT. INFIRMARY - AT THAT MOMENT
Cherry stands next to the door.
Peers around the corner --

INT. INFIRMARY - NURSE’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
A plush living space, more like an apartment.

Cherry’s girls AURA (10) and AMBER (8)
lie sleeping peacefully in bed.

Roxy, the hot babe nurse we saw
before sits on the couch
with her back to us watching
SUNSET BOULEVARD on TV.

GLORIA SWANSON (O.C.)
(electronic)
I AM big.
It’s the PICTURES that got small --

Cherry raises her gun.
Tip-toes in. Stops. Takes aim.

CHERRY
I’m ready for my close-up, BITCH.

ROXY
(turns around, startled)
What the -- ?

CHERRY
Move one muscle and you’re dead --
GOT IT?

ROXY
Who the fuck are YOU?

CHERRY
(looks at the girls)
I’m their MOTHER, nurse Ratched.

Roxy takes advantage of the distraction.
DIVES to the floor.

CHERRY (CONT’D)
What the FUCK?

The girls wake up. See Cherry.

A pistol CLICK-CLICKS. Roxy stands.
Gun aimed at the girls.

ROXY
(to Cherry)
Drop the weapon, MOM.

CHERRY
(horrified)
You wouldn’t DARE.

ROXY
Try me. DROP IT,
or its Romper-Stomper room.

Cherry drops the Uzi.
It CLATTERS to the floor.

ROXY
Now go join them on the bed.
(evil grin)
So you can say 'night-night'
before lights out.

The girls start CRYING.
Cherry races over to them.
Hugs and comforts them.
Strokes their hair.

CHERRY
Shhh, it’s gonna be okay. Mommy’s here --

Roxy walks toward them. Pointing the gun.

ROXY
Do you have any last words, mommy dearest?

CHERRY
(turns, looks)
Yeah --
In a blink of an eye,
Cherry’s legs FLY UP,
and she KICKS Roxy in the face, CRACK.

She FLIES backwards, dropping the gun.
Cherry LEAPS off the bed,
GRABS the weapon, and SHOUTS --

CHERRY
Good night, NURSE.

And LEAPS on top of Roxy.
The girls SQUEAL, excited.

AMBER
KILL her, Mommy!

AURA
Go, MOMMY!

Cherry PISTOL-WHIPS Roxy, CRACK.

CHERRY
How DARE YOU fuck with my KIDS --

Roxy GRABS Cherry in a choke-hold.
She drops the gun.

GRABS at her neck,
tries to pull Roxy’s hands away.

But Roxy is STRONG,
and won’t let go.

Cherry’s face starts turning red.

AURA
Oh, NO --

She reaches over and GRABS the table lamp.
Skitters over to where they’re fighting,
and SMASHES it on Roxy’s head, CRACK.

The lightbulb POPS and FIZZLES.
A POOF of grey smoke.

Roxy lies on the floor,
motionless. Out cold.

AURA
Consider this a DIVORCE.

Amber claps excitedly.
Cherry stares at Aura. Incredulous.

CHERRY
Thanks, honey --
(beat)
Where on earth did you
learn how to do THAT?

AURA
I saw it on ALIAS, mommy --