Your Birka Or Mine?

Hey there, crime kids. TGI-fucking-F. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where your most violent fantasies become sins of the flesh, right here, where the hardboiled action is non-stop, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 8 of NOWHERE GIRLS, we meet black ops spook Honey Almond's assassin-for-hire, The Bagger, who has been sent to eliminate super-spy sisters Cherry Nation and April Street. Meanwhile, at interpol agent Bibi LaSalle's safe house in Venice Beach, her compatriot Serge Reno takes care of Cherry's bullet injury, as well as her heart ...


EXT. PACIFIC AVENUE - NIGHT
A VW BUS chugs along up the coastal thoroughfare.

INT. VW BUS - CONTINUOUS
Bibi’s behind the wheel. April sits next to her.
Cherry sits behind April, shivering in the cold.

CHERRY
I’m fucking freezing. Are we almost there?

BIBI
Oui. Just another couple of blocks.

APRIL
So what’s the deal with Honey Almond?
Why is she setting us up?

BIBI
You must have hurt someone close to her.

APRIL
Well, that only narrows it down
to a few hundred people.

EXT. VENICE CAFE - AT THAT MOMENT
The Bagger sits at an outdoor table
with a cup of coffee. Fingering his I-Phone.
Stares at the tiny monitor.

BAGGER
(reads)
'Eat at Mohammed’s?'

ON THE SCREEN
We see a porno website. GIRLS OF AL QAEDA.
Captions under pictures of HOT IRANIAN WOMEN
read ONE HUMP OR TWO. WANNA GO TO PARADISE?
COME ENTER MY WAILING WALLS. YOUR BIRKA OR MINE?

THE BAGGER
Shakes his head with wonder.

BAGGER (CONT’D)
Be still my mosque --

A MAN IN BLACK (20’s) approaches the table.
Tall, rugged, in shades. Textbook Langley.

He takes a seat. Removes his shades.
Cold, humorless blue eyes stare at him.

MAN IN BLACK
Ms. Otis sends her regrets.

The Bagger takes a sip of coffee. Stares back.

BAGGER
It’s 'Miss' Otis, fool.

Man in Black looks around furtively, then --

MAN IN BLACK
(whispers)
That’s not what you’re supposed to say.

BAGGER
I KNOW that. But you got it WRONG.
It’s MISS Otis, NOT MS.

Pause.

MAN IN BLACK
MISS Otis sends her regrets.

The Bagger takes another sip of coffee.

BAGGER
If music be the food of love, rock on.

MAN IN BLACK
(nods)
Hare, sir. Reporting for duty.

BAGGER
HAIR? What kind of name is THAT?

HARE
No, sir. H-a-r-e, like the rabbit.

BAGGER
Well, I’m not going to call you HARE.
What’s your first name?

HARE
Howard, sir. But most people call me Bugs.
The cartoon. You know --

The Bagger stares at him. Stone-faced.

HARE (CONT'D)
(low, conspiratorial)
It’s a real honor, sir.
I’ve heard the stories about your work.
Is it true about --
(looks around, then whispers)
Michael Jackson?

The Bagger takes another sip. Smiles silkily.

BAGGER
Michael Jackson died of an overdose
of Propofol, a powerful anaesthesia.
The coroner determined that his death
was not the result of foul play.

HARE
But isn’t that your M-O?
To make it look like an accident?

BAGGER
Well, you know that Elvis Costello song?

HARE
Uh, no --

BAGGER
'Accidents Will Happen.'

EXT. CONCRETE BUNKER - NIGHT
A small, grey building without windows.
Old, faded lettering on the side reads GOLDS’ GYM.
The VW bus is parked in front.

INT. BIBI’S SAFE HOUSE - AT THAT MOMENT
A modern, comfy, glossy work/living space
with state-of-the art everything spread out
in one big loft space.

April and Bibi sit at the bar,
facing the kitchen, sipping coffee, looking at --

Cherry, lying on the sofa,
her pant leg ripped off,
exposing the gunshot wound on her thigh.

She’s being attended to by SERGE RENO (40’s),
tall, rugged, unshaven, Euro-cool.

Bibi’s dark-haired, blue-eyed Interpol counterpart.
The notches on his belt have notches.

Right now he’s holding a
pair of forceps over the wound.
About to dig for the bullet.

SERGE
Try to relax.
I’m afraid this is going to hurt a bit.

CHERRY
(big smile, staring)
I’m okay. Just get it on. Out. Get it out.

Serge looks at her, amused.

SERGE
Hold on --

He starts digging in the wound, searching, probing.

CHERRY
GAAA --

April holds her arm. Looks away.

APRIL
(to Bibi)
I feel like I’m at the dentist
waiting for my turn to be tortured.

BIBI
Have no fear. Serge is very gentle.
(smiles)
And he’s good at getting out bullets.

APRIL
He IS very good-looking --

BIBI
Is first time agency has used
a male ‘honey trap.’
Results have been very good.
Just look at your sister,
she is completely,
how you say, smitten.

CHERRY
Stares at Serge as he continues
to dig for the bullet.

CHERRY
So you’re --
(GROANS)
French? How long have you --
(GASPS)
Worked with Bibi?

Serge ignores her, working the instrument.
He GRABS something. Smiles.

SERGE
Shhh. I’ve almost got it --

He tries to grasp the bullet,
but it’s slippery with blood.

Tries again. But it slips.
Once again -- and GETS it.

SERGE (CONT’D)
A-HA.

Serge pulls out the bullet.
Drops it in a paper cup
on the coffee table. CLICK.

CHERRY
Thanks. Whew.
(looks at the cup)
Hey. Aren’t you supposed to
drop the bullet into a metal
cup like they do in the movies
so it makes that 'clang' sound?

He smiles at her. Raises an eyebrow.

SERGE
Jean luc Goddard once said --
all you need for a film is a girl and a gun.
(smiles)
But he left out one thing.

CHERRY
What’s that?

SERGE
This.

He leans over.
Kisses her softly on the lips.