Like White On Lice

Happy Thursday, crime slicksters. It's time once again to take a trip to the dark side, where the girls are hot, the drinks are cold, and the hardboiled-pulp-noir action is non-stop, right here, at the coolest crime joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

In Chapter 7 of NOWHERE GIRLS, super-spies Cherry Nation and April Street follow rogue black op Bibi LaSalle to her safe house in Venice Beach. Meanwhile, evil criminal mastermind Honey Almond greets her new hire, notorious assassin 'The Bagger,' also known as 'the hitman to the stars' ...


INT. LAX - TAXI STAND - NIGHT
A taxi sits idling at the end
of a long line of cabs.

A MAN IN BLACK LEATHER (60’s)
stands nearby, smoking a cigarette.

Meet VINCENT BAGGER, aka 'The Bagger.'
Tall, thin, acne-scarred in shades.

The worlds most notorious hit man.
Has taken out royalty. Presidents.
Dictators. And a pop star or two.

He walks up to the last cab.
Opens the passenger-side door.
Slides in.

INT. GYPSY CAB - CONTINUOUS
The SOUTHERN REDNECK DRIVER stares at The Bagger.

SOUTHERN REDNECK CAB DRIVER
Hey. If you wanna ride,
you haveta git in the back.

The Bagger pulls out a black
9MM Baretta with a silencer.

BAGGER
(British accent)
Hay is for horses, cowboy.

He SHOOTS him in the head, THWIP.
Opens the door. PUSHES him out.

Slides over into the seat.
JAMS the car into gear.

BAGGER
(giggles)
And you can leave the driving to us.

And he ROARS away.

EXT. VENICE BEACH - NIGHT
We see the boat grounded on the sand
under the Venice Pier.

April, Cherry and Bibi walk on the sand.
April limps, has a tourniquet on her leg.

Cherry has a rag tied around her arm.
Bibi leads them toward the parking lot.

BIBI
Come, follow me.
We, how you say, ‘jack some wheels.’

APRIL
Sounds like somebody’s
been watching a lot of TV.

BIBI
Oh, yes. Back home we watched
Jake and the Fat Man every Friday night.

April and Cherry exchange glances.
What the hell?

CHERRY
Okay --

INT. CAB - MOVING - NIGHT
The Bagger drives along the coast.
Talks into his cell.

BAGGER
Hello, Mary Lou?
The Beagle has landed.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. HONEY’S UNDERGROUND LAIR - AT THAT MOMENT
Honey paces back in forth in front of
a giant plasma screen monitor
that shows a view of the street outside.

HONEY
(into her headset)
Good evening, bag-man.
So glad you could join us.
I hear Palestine is beautiful
this time of year.

BAGGER
That shithole?
I’m still trying to get
the sand out of my crack.

HONEY
Then you should be glad
I pulled you off the job in Dubai.

BAGGER
No shit.
You ever tried humping a camel?

HONEY
Too much information,
my perverted one.

BAGGER
Sorry, chief.
Color me jet-lagged.
(beat)
So what’s the op?

HONEY
Bibi La Salle, a former asset.
She is interfering with an --
operation of mine.

BAGGER
Isn’t that the French filly
you used to play
'spin the croissant' with?

HONEY
That’s strictly on a
need-to-know basis.

Enough chit-chat.
I need you take her out,
IMMEDIATELY.

BAGGER
Intel on her location?

HONEY
Not a problem.
We had her microchipped.
(motions to a staffer to come)
Get your ass over to Venice Beach.
We’ll have an op waiting
for you at the Mao’s Cafe with a GPS.
I’ll text you the coordinates.

BAGGER
I’m there like white on lice.

HONEY
Oh, and Bagger?

BAGGER
Yeah?

HONEY
Try not to kill
too many innocent bystanders.
We don’t want a repeat
of the thing at Fort Hood, okay?