Friday, January 8, 2010

My Bloody Valentine

Happy Friday, crime motherfuckers! You ready for the weak-end? Looking for some cheap, pervy thrills? Some dastardly hardboiled-pulp-noir kicks? Then get your tight little asses over to the coolest joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's spellbinding chapter of BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES ...

Boozy screenwriter Holly Land has just stabbed hooker Alona Tal's trick with a pair of scissors in the back, killing him. Problem is, it turns out he wasn't attacking Alona ... they were just playing 'what's my bondage?' So Alona calls her boyfriend, drug dealer Beggar Leck to help them take care of the body ...


INT. ALONA'S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
A sharp KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK at the door.

MALE VOICE (O.C.)
HEY. Are you okay in there?

Alona and Holly look at each other. Shit.

ALONA
(whispers)
It’s the guy that just moved in down the hall --
(to the door)
Be there in a sec!
(whispers, to Holly)
Cover him with the bedspread and hide.
(off her look)
DO IT --

Holly RUNS to the bed.
Grabs the cover.
THROWS it over the body.
Dashes into the closet.

Alona RACES over to the door.
Opens it a crack.

ALONA (CONT’D)
Hi --

IN THE HALLWAY
Is a large, bald, friendly-looking GUY (20’s) with a long goatee.
Meet VERNE. The new neighbor.

VERNE
Are you okay? I heard shouting and fighting --

IN THE ROOM
Alona smiles coyly.

ALONA
Sorry about that.
Had a fight with my boyfriend.
I’m okay. He’s gone --

Verne pokes his head in. Sees she’s naked.

VERNE
Oh.
(stares)
So you’re okay --

ALONA
Yeah. I’m fine.

VERNE
You sure are.
(beat)
Boyfriend’s a lucky sumbitch.

ALONA
We have an -- open relationship.
Why don’t we -- party one of these nights?

VERNE
(aroused)
Shit, yeah.

ALONA
Cool. See ya later.
Gotta crash now. Bye.

VERNE
(as she closes the door)
Later --

The door CLICKS shut.
Holly comes out of the closet.

HOLLY
Holy shit, that was close.

ALONA
Tell me about it --
(thinks)
Shit. Now I’m gonna have to hang out with him.

HOLLY
The b-bald guy with the gross goatee?

ALONA
Yeah.

She goes over to the body. Stares at it.
Holly sits on the bed. Head in her hands.

HOLLY
I’m so sorry, Alona -- I fucked up.

ALONA
It’s okay. He was a jerk.

HOLLY
(looks up)
So who was he?

ALONA
A rich, kinky asshole. Scum of the earth.

HOLLY
A, a -- lawyer?

ALONA
Worse. An agent.
(thinks)
I gotta call Beggar.
He’ll know what to do.

Alona gets her cell phone. Dials a number. Listens.

ALONA (CONT’D)
Hey, baby -- it’s me.

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. BEGGAR’S BMW CONVERTIBLE - MOVING - NIGHT
Beggar drives with the top down.

BEGGAR
(on the phone)
What’s wrong? You sound funny.

ALONA
Well, seeing as how there’s a dead body in my room --
you’d sound funny, too.

BEGGAR
What the FUCK?

ALONA
My trick, the agent.
We were playing ‘What’s My Bondage,’
Holly heard the commotion and came in to rescue me --

Holly stares.
Fighting back tears.
Goes to the table.
Gets Alona’s bottle of vodka.
Opens it. Takes a long slug.

ALONA (CONT'D)
(watches her)
And stabbed him with a pair of scissors.

BEGGAR
Jesus fucking CHRIST.

ALONA
No big loss. The guy was a real asshole.
The world’s a better place without him.

BEGGAR
But shit, Alona.
There’s a dead guy in your ROOM.

ALONA
Hey -- life gives you a lemon, you make lemonade.
(beat)
Where are you?

BEGGAR
I’m on the 405, getting near the 90.
I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.
Wrap him up in the shower curtain
and start cleaning up the blood --

ALONA
Can’t YOU do that?

BEGGAR
Time is of the essence, Alona.
You want blood seeping through the floor to the room below?

ALONA
Shit. Okay, okay.
(beat)
Are you gonna call your friends?

BEGGAR
Yeah. They’ll TAKE CARE of it.

ALONA
You -- mad at me?

BEGGAR
No, not you.
It’s just -- they want me to work for them full-time,
and if they help with this, I’m gonna owe them.

ALONA
Owe them what?

BEGGAR
Let’s just say the new guy gets to do the dirty work.
(sighs)
Just get started, and I’ll be there soon.

ALONA
Out, out damn spot.

BEGGAR
Huh?

ALONA
Never mind.
Just hurry up and get your ass over here,
my bloody valentine.

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