Horny Bastard, Not With A Dead Body In The Room

Happy Hump Day, crime slicksters. You say you're disgruntled? Not getting a fair shake in life? Mad as hell, and can't take it anymore? Then get your tight little assess over to the coolest crime joint in cyberspace and vent your anger ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's steamin'g slice of hardboiled pulp, in BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES ...

Hooker Alona Tal and boozy screenwriter Holly Land have been mopping up the blood from the dead body in Alona's hotel room, when Alona's drug dealer boyfriend Begger Leck returns with bad news: he can't get a hold of his criminal friends, and they just might have to get rid of the body themselves ...


INT. ALONA'S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
A KNOCK-KNOCK on the door. Alona walks over.
Opens it. Beggar stumbles in.

BEGGAR
Honey, I’m home --

ALONA
Hey, babe.

BEGGAR
(looking at Holly)
How’s Junior Miss holding up?

ALONA
She’s okay.
(looks at Holly)
Right, hun?

HOLLY
I guess so.

BEGGAR
(looks at the body)
I called Vlad, left a voice mail.
Hasn’t called me back yet.

ALONA
Shit. What are we gonna do?

BEGGAR
We’ve got two choices --
either wait for him to call back,
or take care of it ourselves.

ALONA
Take care of it OURSELVES?

BEGGAR
I say we get high,
screw our brains out,
and wait for him to call.
(smiles)
Be a lot more fun than disposing
of a dead body, don’t you think?
(looks at Holly)
Whattya say, girlie?
A little stress-reliever?

HOLLY
Oh no, I can’t --
(looks at the body, shivers)
Not with --

ALONA
Horny bastard.
Not with a dead body in the room.
(beat)
Can’t you see she’s freaked out?

BEGGAR
(looks at the body)
Guess you’re right.

He goes to the table.
Picks up the empty vodka bottle.

BEGGAR (CONT’D)
We need more booze.

HOLLY
(jumps up)
I’ll go. I need to get some air.

ALONA
Good idea.
I’ll roll up a couple of joints for when you get back.

Beggar pulls out his wallet.
Gives Holly some cash.

BEGGAR
Here. Get a couple of liters of the good stuff,
Absolut or Grey Goose. Plain.
None of that flavored shit.

HOLLY
(takes it)
Okay. I’ll be right back.

She goes to the door.

ALONA
It’ll be okay, babe.
Hurry back. We’ll figure it out.

Holly flashes a strange smile. Leaves.
Beggar sits next to Alona on the bed.
Strokes her hair.

BEGGAR
How about a quickie while she’s --

ALONA
(WHACKS his hand away)
Didn’t you hear me?
Not with a fucking dead body in the room.

BEGGAR
Alright, alright.
(pulls out phone)
I’ll try Vlad the Impaler again.

Alona opens a cigar box on the bedside table.
Pulls out a bag of weed.
Some rolling papers.
Starts making a joint.

ALONA
Fucking Russians. Unreliable.
(licks the paper)
And they call themselves ‘criminals.’