Come To Poppa, My Kinky One

Happy Tuesday, hardboiled crime slicksters. Are you ready for a balls-out action-thrill ride? Then strap yourself in, pack your favorite piece, and get your tight little asses over to the coolest joint in cyberspace ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's steaming hot slice of pulp, courtesy of BLOOD GETS IN YOUR EYES.

Hooker Alona Tal, drug dealer Begger Leck and boozy screenwriter Holly Land are holed up in Alona's shitty hotel room at the beach trying to figure out how to dispose of a dead body. So, who they gonna call? Perverted crime boss Vlad Turgenov and his kinky squeeze, Anya, THAT'S who ...


INT. ALONA’S SHITTY HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Alona and Holly sit on the bed, drinking vodka from plastic cups.
Beggar looks out the window at the action outside.
Takes hits of a joint. Passes it to Alona.

ALONA
(takes it)
Thanks --

HOLLY
It seemed to happen in slow motion --

ALONA
(takes a hit)
Fucking unreal.

HOLLY
It all happened so fast.
There was no time to think.
The bullets were FLYING --

BEGGAR
(turns, looks)
Our little girl’s good with knives AND guns --

Beggar’s phone RINGS.
He pulls it out. Answers it.

BEGGAR (CONT’D)
About fucking time --
(listens)
Vlad, hey. Yeah, it’s urgent.
We’ve got a -- a situation here.
We need your help.
(listens)
There was a -- an accident.
Someone was killed.
We need help getting rid of the body.
(listens)
Yeah. The Starlight Hotel, right on the boardwalk.
(listens)
What do you mean it’s on the news?
Nobody knows about it --
(realizes)
That’s something else.
Somebody jacked the corner liquor store --
(listens)
Well, yeah -- there’s cops around.
But they’ll go away.
(listens)
In the morning? But --
(listens)
FIVE GRAND?

INTERCUT WITH:

INT. SLEAZY APARTMENT - NIGHT
Vlad sits on an overstuffed sofa in his opium den of a joint.
Smoking a cigarette. Talking on his phone.

VLAD
Did you think we would provide service for FREE?

BEGGAR
Well, since you put it that way --

VLAD
And you do realize we will ask you to return the favor?
That you will become part of family?

BEGGAR
Yeah. Of course.

VLAD
Good. We’ll be there at five AM.
Before sunrise.

BEGGAR
Okay. Thanks.

VLAD
No. Thank you --

He hangs up.
Pours a shot of vodka.
DOWNS it. Calls out.

VLAD (CONT’D)
Anya, I have news.

ANYA (O.C.)
Oh, yeah? What is news?

ANYA TURGENEV (20’s) walks into the room.
Hot. Cold. Curvy. Raven-haired. Blood red lips.
Former stripper. Miles of milk white legs.
Serpent tatoo near the hemline. Ouch.

VLAD
Road trip.

ANYA
Ooh. Goody. Where to?

VLAD
Venice Beach, baby.

ANYA
What is job?

VLAD
Disposal of -- human remains.

ANYA
Ahhhhh. You know how to make girl happy.

VLAD
Come to Poppa, my kinky one.

She does. Crawls into his lap.
He strokes her hair.

ANYA
(sings softly)
'They asked me how I knew,
my true love was true -- '

VLAD
(sings)
'I of course replied, when a true love dies --'

ANYA
'Blood gets in your eyes.'

They stare at each other.
Then ERUPT with laughter.