Go Ahead. Rock Me, Amadeus

Happy Tuesday, crime motherfuckers. Are you looking for a good time? Or, shall we say, a BAD time? Then get your double-barelled asses over to the coolest hardboiled joint in cyberspace, where the guns are hot, the chicks are cold, and the action delirious ... at That Killing Feeling.

Onto today's joint from LEGS, kids ... where we arrive at the next-to-last chapter of our story. (I know, it's exciting. Remain calm. We'll be serving drinks afterwards.)

And now we return to demented snuff filmmaker Klaus Speer's underground lair, deep below Club Fuck, where he has private eye Carrie Love and interpol agent/'dominatrix to the stars' Felina Bella Donna hostage ... and we discover that Carrie has a few tricks up her ... boot.

INT. - CLUB FUCK - BASEMENT - NIGHT

A knife flashes. SLITS ZIVA'S THROAT. She falls with a THUD.

The Bagger appears. Waving a red-smeared butcher knife.

THE BAGGER

Put 'em where I can see 'em, Speer.

And relax your sphincter muscles, cause I'm coming in.

He licks blood off the knife.

THE BAGGER (CONT'D)

Mmm, low T-cell count. Delicious.

KLAUS

Norman. Now this is a pleasant surprise.

Please come in. I hope you're still not mad at me.

The Bagger sees the women.

The set. The camera. Walks around.

THE BAGGER

I'm sorry to disrupt your creative process,

Speer, but we're going on a little trip.

VOICE (O.C.)

Everybody FREEZE! You're under arrest!

VALENTINE

stands in the doorway. With a pair of sawed-off shotguns.

VALENTINE

I swear, either one of you so much as fart,

and I'll fucking blow your dick off.

KLAUS

Why is everybody so preoccupied with my willy?

VALENTINE

Get on the fucking floor, now!

O’HENRY

appears next to Valentine.

With a pair of service revolvers.

O'HENRY

You heard the officer, DO IT.

They lie down.

VALENTINE

O'Henry, you motherfucker.

Glad you could make it.

O'HENRY

Hey, what are partners for.

(beat)

I finished the puzzle.

EXT. CLUB FUCK - ROOF - NIGHT

A military HELICOPTER hovers over the roof.

COMMANDOS fly down on cables like lethal puppets in black.

EXT. CLUB FUCK - FRONT ENTRANCE - CONTINUOUS

Dozens of FEDERAL AGENTS and SWAT COPS

prepare for battle behind blockades, shields, assault vehicles.

JOSH TOTT, the HIPSTER AGENT, shouts into a bullhorn.

TOTT

Klaus Speer, this is the FBI!

We have the building surrounded!

Come out with your hands up and no one will get hurt!

I repeat -- this is the FBI!

Everyone please exit the premises IMMEDIATELY!

INSIDE THE CLUB

the music dies. Floodlights SNAP ON.

The crowd freezes, in shock.

They panic, SCREAM.

Stampede for the exits.

OUTSIDE THE CLUB

a tidal wave of leather, chrome and rubber rushes out.

IN THE STUDIO

the Bagger raises his wrists, Christ-like.

THE BAGGER

I haven’t had this much fun since brunch at Jeff Dahmer’s place.

And, fast as a whip -- so fast we almost can’t see it --

38 Specials FLY OUT from his cuffs -- SLAP into his palms.

Bullets RIP into Valentine and O'Henry, who hit the ground.

The assassin kicks their bodies out. He SLAMS the door.

Speer and the Bagger face off, weapons drawn.

Klaus’ face is now distorted. Swollen. Darker.

KLAUS

It would appear to be a checkmate.

THE BAGGER

That's stalemate, you fucking immigrant.

One of Klaus' ears falls off. Hits the floor.

KLAUS

Huh?

He touches his hand to his head, looks at it. Sees the blood.

THE BAGGER

Jesus, that's disgusting.

Talk about a swelled head --

you look like that guy in "Scanners."

I warn you -- if your head explodes,

you better not fucking get any of it on me.

Carrie giggles. Riding the wave of toxic pleasure.

CARRIE

Hey look, it's Vincent Van Gogh.

(to Klaus)

Hey, Vinnie -- can you lend me an ear?

FELINA

Carrie, don’t provoke him!

KLAUS

Shut up! All of you!

CARRIE

looks at Felina.

Gives the slightest of winks. Felina nods.

CARRIE

Fellas. I thought we were gonna have a party.

We got two guys, two girls -- really good drugs --

THE BAGGER

narrows his eyes. Thinks a moment.

THE BAGGER

(to Klaus)

Is that door secure?

KLAUS

Secure? It’s a bunker, a fallout shelter, bag-man.

They're gonna have to fucking drop the big one to get in here.

They lower their guns. Look at the women.

KLAUS (CONT'D)

Go ahead, shut the bitch up.

Be the star of your own porno.

The Bagger smiles, loosens his belt.

THE BAGGER

Rape and pillage time.

Klaus goes to the camera.

The Bagger leers at Carrie.

THE BAGGER (CONT'D)

I'm gonna do you first -- you got bigger cans.

CARRIE

Fuck me, killer. Take me to the dark side.

KLAUS

zooms in. Focuses.

THE BAGGER

unbuckles his trousers.

THE BAGGER

That’s the idea, you fucking whore.

I’m gonna come -- and you’re gonna go.

Carrie eyes focus. A glimmer of fire.

She concentrates, and --

as CARRIE’S THEME rises up --

CLOSE ON --

The toe of her boot.

A shiny steel blade FLIES OUT.

She JAMS it in the Bagger's crotch.

He SCREAMS in pain.

CARRIE

Take THAT, mystery date from hell.

You’ve been voted OFF the island.

He doubles over, looks at Carrie, in shock.

She works her tongue, takes aim --

and SPITS her chemical weapon in his mouth. Gulp.

CARRIE (CONT'D)

A little something to end your plague,

you fucking jack-off.

SHOUTING MALE VOICE (O.C.)

In there!

A battering ram POUNDS on the door. It BUCKLES.

A tear gas canister FLIES down from an air shaft --

Hits the floor, starts BILLOWING SMOKE.

Felina RIPS her hands free from the cuffs.

CARRIE

How the hell did you do that?

She pulls out a tiny saw, starts on Carrie's cuffs.

FELINA

Trade secret.

KLAUS

pulls out a grenade.

Smiles at Carrie and Felina.

KLAUS

Not so fast, women in peril --

time for a little plot twist.

CARRIE

(to Felina)

He’s bluffing.

(to Klaus)

Go ahead -- rock me, Amadeus.

He pulls the pin. Shakes his head.

KLAUS

Stupid bitch. Falco was Austrian.

An earth-shattering EXPLOSION rocks the studio.